shernfire

Shern · @shernfire

18th Oct 2018 from TwitLonger

Looking back and looking forward


The ruling

Before the ruling has happened I had a really hard time dominating soloq previously it was an easier experience climbing to challenger in Korea but this time I was having trouble in master tier. My expectations along with the flame you get when you aren’t playing well in soloq really fustrares me and I ended up bottling up my emotions until it was too much for me to handle. I ended up getting into a lot of petty arguemenra with people, on top of that the languages I used to disrespect other players saying like “China number 1” whenever someone talked down to me was my biggest disappointment in this situation. Knowing who I am and what I’ve been through first hand growing up as the only Asian kid in school I know what it feels like to be targeted and I am apologetic to the people I made feel this way.

3 days after my account had been closed I recorded my response to the ruling and looking back at it now the pain felt unbearable at the time. I ended up again bottling up all the negative emotions and thoughts trying to move forward in the video,but I was clearly hurt. As well as receiving a lot of hate from many people it added to the sadness I was trying to hide.

Worlds day 2

So when it came down to it we ended up achieving the same result, but what hurts so much was the potential we had to compete against the best teams in the world. I feel the possibilities of this were overshadowed by the way I handled things. More so I felt as if I were more confident in my abilities on the day I feel I would have made different in game decisions but as TFerg said consistently X effort = confidence.

The future

Through my journey together with direwolves we had a lot of success but we bumped into the same wall every time losing internationally and it’s deeply scarred me since then. Although I’ve failed to achieve even steps to my goal, in 2019 I will not sway from my path of being a world champion. I will use this pain to fuel me and continue to make every month, day, hour and second count. The work starts now.

Sanspareil

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