akaface · @akafacehots

17th Oct 2018 from TwitLonger

reflections on last phase

I first went into NT with a positive and hopeful attitude, to improve and grow together as a team. I believe that a team environment needs to be a positive one with good vibes where everyone can talk freely, and at the very least, respect one another. In particular, I was very excited to work with Casanova. I remember him at a college LAN tournament years ago performing impressively. He was on the enemy team and almost solo carried as Zeratul. I really enjoyed talking to him afterwards and encouraged him to go pro, so it was a great opportunity to finally play with him.
During the first month, things were working out really well and we were performing exceptionally in scrims - far beyond the standards I expected right off the bat. However, after our first HGC loss to Endemic, things started taking a turn for the worst. Certain players were arguing, being toxic to one another, behaving as though they were above everyone else on the team, and emotionally putting down the rest of the team. This wasn't something that I've experienced on previous teams before. Furthermore, the team also lacked structure. If a player was behaving in this negative way, there was no one to hold them accountable for their actions. There wasn't someone we could talk to about these problems at the time, someone to say "that was unacceptable and shouldn't be done." I feel this was a large part of the reason why many of the problems escalated to a high degree. If at any point certain players were criticized, they automatically went into defensive mode and lashed out with personal insults; it became very difficult to work in that environment. Because of this, there were times in which I behaved in ways that a teammate shouldn't and admittedly lost my cool after endearing this toxicity and it's not something that i'm proud of.
About a week before Crucible, I contacted Casanova and told him that I was thinking of parting ways with NT. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue to be a part of such an environment. Despite all the rough patches we went through, I have nothing but respect for everyone.

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