CG kRYSTAL · @kRYSTALcsgoo
25th Sep 2018 from TwitLonger
My situation.
The last year has been full of lineup changes. I didnt like it at all, even though I learned a lot.
Starting with creating a team with sunny in penta, we made it from the scratch from the bottom to the top - into a major. It was very hard, but I was even happier because of that. I had to learn a lot during that time for myself and also for the team, being new to IGLing and taking responsibilty. But my hard work paid off. I wasn't mad when our road had an end with sunny and hs leaving because of better options they had, maybe a little bit disappointed, but I was also proud of the team and myself that I was able to do something from a scratch with my own ideas and it worked all the way to the major, of course it was a team effort, but I was very happy and proud.
So I started over in Sprout and creating another team where I had to re-do all I did the last year, bringing old ideas, merging them with the new player types and everything. But for me that was fine, because I like to just see progress if there is one and I was confident I could do it again. Then old problems with my german teammates showed up we already had in the past. Not being happy, having different views on the game etc.. tow B helped a lot with that issue, but in the end it wasnt fixable. Changing IGL twice (denis took over for the major, didnt want to anymore and gave it back to me) also didnt help. Even though we started to improve and played decent at Cph Games once I took the IGL role back, the team told me they needed something else and a player change was needed even though there was a progress recognizable. I was frustrated.
So I was benched looking for a new home and found Imperial thanks to the guys from big. I worked even harder in this team, because I felt even more responsible being the older guy in this team, than with my old teams, I wanted especially wanted to be the guy I wish I had when I was younger for espiranTo. I evolved as a player and person too. I was the guy the team needed me to be and so far my hard work always paid off. We all played pretty well and won a lan 1 month after I joined.
The team decided shorty after the zotac qualifier (mainly only one person) that there is another change needed and we dont need much structure and theory. I was pretty upset.
Shortly after I got twitter DM'd by steel and got asked about my situation. We had a few talks in teamspeak with their coach james and both parties wanted to try it. We had a few test games online and I was told the guys like how I play and what I add to their game. So I left my country and had a 1 week bootcamp with Ghost in NA and played two lan events after. We played well as team in my opinion and nearly made it through to playoffs by beating NIP and NaVi. I personally didnt play that well, so I would be satisfied. Though I thought it was a team effort and I thought it was only 1week practice - so once we get back to NA and settle all the rest we can ignite the spark that we had and I get more used to all the new things I encountered (new role, new callouts, new tactics, leaving my country, etc.). In the end I was told it most likely wouldnt work out and ghost approached it very professional and steel talked to me about it.
My hard work always paid off. So far only temporary. And I want that to change.
In the end it doesnt matter what happened before. What matters on the other hand is, that I give some insight to you - all my fans/friends that supported me through all those good and bad times. Show you, even if its only the surface that I touch here, some insight on what happened and what is going on in my mind.
There are times where I am really desperate. Im asking myself why am I still doing this when it always ends in this shitty situation. I had them so often and I had a few tears in my eyes, because I didnt know what to do. I felt like I was the most unlucky person in the world. Because whatever I did, whatever I tried, I always came short in the end and alone with no team.
In the end I will always stay positive. I dont have negative thoughts about people I played with and blame anyone for anything that has happened. I still have my career in my hands, so blaming anyone here is something that isnt me. Everything that happened made me the person and the player that I am today. Everytime I had a negative time in my CS carreer I stood up and bounced back - because I choose so. Found my own way to get back out there and find a new team. New people. Learn, adapt and evolve - have success. People who know me and with who I played know that I am a humble guy. I'm motivated and willing to go the extra mile, always. People say hard work always pay off - so here I am - again looking for a new team. I am very excited and hyped. I want to grind. I want to get better individually and as a team. I hope I get another chance.
Feeling thank you.