At My Funeral (Incoming and RANT)!

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THE EMO FAN
By Max Bemis
September 23, 2018

So, I did this cover. It’s not a cover, clearly. I changed all the lyrics and added shit. And I wanted to blurb/rant alongside it because that’s what I do. I’m probably writing this over the course of a few nights, or splatting it all out at once (more likely because OCD).
Recently, I released a long statement I haven’t properly followed up about me retiring from Say Anything (sort of until I want to). If it helps those it helped, I still mean every word and the positive response I’ve generally received for it kind of made my life. It was certainly the most important thing I’d written at the time and it look a lot of kind people time to understand how and when it needed to be said… and that it did.

One thing I realized upon deciding to make music more of a side project than a full-time job was that I was no longer emo. Now…. This is a statement coming from me. And I wouldn’t say it without meaning it. This is the guy who wrote a record called “In Defense of The Genre” in some weird faux Kanye stroke of grandiosity about the subject. I cry every fucking day, openly in front of my kids. I cannot help the flow, I cannot.

I had a realization. Though to many people, Say Anything was quintessentially emo and still is (see Emo Nights, where I’m very proud to have my music played alongside many of my fellow weepies and inner bitches), I guess I want to speak for myself on the subject in retrospect. Genre doesn’t matter. Gender is liquid. And I certainly don’t believe in putting yourself in any box or even preventing yourself from being boxed too hard. But I do think it’s important to “identify” as my extremely queer for a not-that-queer guy letter made it apparent. And I guess I don’t identify as emo anymore. I think what we were was an emo-influenced punk band. I don’t know what that means, and it can be argued in any way shape or form. In fact, you may see that a different way. That’s okay. If you do, I still love you. But I don’t.

I think I was the quintessential emo FAN. And if I can be pigeonholed as anything, it’s a millennial. We are quintessentially millennial, me and my peeps. And our song “Admit It” was a song about being a millennial (not a “scene kid” or an “emo kid” or even a “hipster”) and knowing it and not knowing it at the same time. Because millennials are confused. We’ve been lied to, hurt, stepped on, and we’ve done the same to others because we’re just generations out from years of pain, chaos and trauma.

That said, it’s fun being a millennial. I love/loved my life. And thus, I always LOVED listening to “emo”. For many years, it was mostly all I could listen to. I’ll tell you why: daddy. It’s a word we used in Say Anything ironically constantly and is the root of many things that many millennials are confused by. Daddy. We’re confused by our dads. Our dads, and many of our older brothers and friends, were people we could never be. Couldn’t live up to, but then lived to defy. Sort of a generational thing and quite common amongst probably half the population.

The thing about dads is that society was been sexist, racist and horrible for literally thousands of years. It’s BARELY coming out of that and, well, it kind of still is. Anything else, in my opinion, is staunch denial of the truth. So as a millennial, I would look at Daddy and feel both utter sympathy for him being so fucking rad, so fucking good of a guy, so fucking sweet to me and so fucking in love with my Mom, and feel…well… that I wasn’t him. In my twenties, I got over that and fell back in love with Daddy. I soon confronted Mommy and how I basically AM Mommy and my natural state is to side with her, sympathize for her, lionize her, and even put her in a position where she has to be way stronger than she should have been because, let’s be honest, this kid put Mommy through some serious shit.
How do these two (amazing) parents relate to emo? I think emo is a genre that never belonged to me. I was foolhardy to try to reign it in. It belongs to my wife, Sherri. She is the quintessential emo girl. But in reality, most quintessential emo girls were shat upon, used, stalked, demonized, put through hell and fucked over under the guise of what was supposed to be “sensitivity”. And they hated it. The strong emo girls I knew stood up for themselves. Many emo girls (who have personalities unfortunately more akin to mine than my wives) just got used up and hurt. And I certainly was an ignorant kid during my teenage years and early twenties and hooked up with a few girls who I had no real bond with because I was utterly lonely (ultimate emo fan), desperate (ultimate emo fan), both naïve and overly aggressive (ultimate emo fan) and fucking crazy (because I’m “Max Bemis” and I’m straight bipolar, and the fact that we even have sold a single record goes to show ultimate emo fan).

The men in emo I respect are letting women take over the genre. Women or anyone of a sexual proclivity that isn’t normalized. And though I’m “queer”, I’m BORING QUEER. I am a guy who loves girls and couldn’t really fall in love with a guy unless I was desperate…or wait. Maybe that’s a lie. In fact, maybe that’s why all this progressed the way it is. Emo fanboys KINDA fell in love with singers of our favorite emo bands and projected ourselves onto them because we saw Daddy and wanted to be him. Sexless emo marriages across Hot Topics across the globe between grown men and boys.

Many Ultimate Emo Singers were and are some of the kindest people and sweetest people I’ve ever met. Many wouldn’t hurt a fly. But I’m none of them. I’m not Jeremy Enigk. I’m not Justin Roelofs of the former Anniversary. I’m not even Chris Carrabba, who is a dear friend of mine and WAY more like me than most guys in emo bands. Unfortunately, I’m a brat. I’m in no way mild mannered or polite. I am awkward. Many emo singers are well spoken. I actually THRIVE on making things awkward to make the most awkward feeling people in the room feel less awkward (clearly) which is my way of giving back to the world for being someone who would be selfish in an alternate world. I’m cranky as fuck and I’m way more like my cranky booking agent Andrew than 50% of the bands he booked. I was like the ultimate emo PRODUCER.

And make no mistake, many people who were Ultimate Emo Fans are awkward as fuck. I think the distinguishing factors that made the “indie” press and MYSELF erroneous in labeling me as emo was because I thought, and still think, it was and is funny as fuck. That’s why I bookended my career with two albums making fun of it. I got it, but it was funny. And the records in between? They sound like the Foo Fighters or, at our most emo, Jimmy Eat World, who basically sound nothing like Sunny Day Real Estate or Rites of Spring. I’m sure enough time will pass and genres will erode until it’s all Just Rock and Roll again but until then, feel free to pigeonhole us as a post-grunge band. We’re certainly reacting, as Papa Grohl did, to some bullshit Generation X self-flagellating bullshit. We’re even a….shivers…..indie band. Sorry, Pitchfork! Indie…punk. Indie….POP…punk even. But not emo. And actually, just like many writers AT Pitchfork realized over time, there’s a distinction. And it’s fucking unfair to label every band that grew up listening to us as EMO as well. Most of them are saying EMO ironically. It’s re-appropriation, you total fucks.
…..Oops.

As you see, I get pissy sometimes. I’ve seen some shit. A lot of shit that ISN’T written about because I won’t write about it because it’s TOO PERSONAL. Because I HAVE BOUNDARIES. Real ones. But ones that allow me to make fun of myself, the pain I’ve endured, the suffering, the abuse, the heartache and the ridicule I’ve shrugged off to be nicer to people and because I’m not always the nicest person myself. But I do believe when I’m not nice I’m not nice for a reason. Hence “punk”.

Here are some things I’ve never done that many of your favorite emo band guys have done. Belittle women (unless you’re so obviously joking that a girl in the same room would think it’s funny too). Make fun of gay people (unless you yourself are queer or utterly assume that all genders, sexualities or races are equal). Assume bi people are “gay” because they also like guys but may prefer either sex, male, female or non-gender-prescribed or….. seriously it’s either all good or it’s not.

I’ll continue.
Actually sleep with girls way under the legal limit. Hit girls. Hit other guys to be cool. Sell drugs to kids. Fucking molest their band members’ kids (and you wonder why I won’t take my kids on emo tours at this juncture), write entire records about NICE, INNOCENT girls (not the mean ones, and there are mean girls out there too, but I’m choosing not to focus on them) and make them out to be “whores” and “sluts” because they didn’t like them back (I feel pretty terrible for ever liking any band that did this and that much I’m guilty of), encourage unfounded anger against women, abandon their families for fame, encourage verbal abuse within the band, and not give half a shit about their own fans, treating them like some kind of herd of cattle to be used, thrown away and disregarded at shows because they’re not as “cool” as them. This is the tip of the fucking iceberg. I don’t mean to make things awkward but haven’t some of these dudes, like, “stabbed fools”? I mean… murder. It’s not okay when it’s murder.

But let me assure you, there are other bands that have been pigeonholed as “emo” and are actually, in my eyes (no pun intended), punk and hardcore bands “in disguise”. They also grew up listening to emo bands and got confused somewhere along the way and ended up playing all their shows with emo bands. Maybe they got lucky and toured with Weezer, who everyone also hates despite sucking their dicks at any given juncture. But a lot of these bands are also fronted by honest, sad, lovelorn romantics who don’t take people for granted, are kind to their fans (even if utterly awkward and shy) and know that every single time a kid comes to your show, YOU OWE THEM.

Let me tell you some things I’VE NEVER DONE and I’m frankly disgusted to have to write this down. Punch someone in the face. Have someone “beaten up”. Hit a girl. Raped a girl. Not seen a girl as a human being. Not seen a boy as human being. Not accepted myself for being bi, queer, or kind of scared of having sex with strangers. Hated my body, as much as people tried to make me hate it. Hated guys who are faithful to their girls or girls who are faithful to their guys as long as both parties are honest and interested and not using one another.Thought I was better looking than I am in the opinion of people I care about. Hated myself. Hated other people (though I say the word often and relentlessly and with guilt, and used it in a song I felt was pretty clearly ironic).

The internet actually accused me and my wife of being part of a pedophile ring. Can you fucking imagine? I can only hope and pray nobody has to endure what that feels like when you’re me and you love your kids (see my upcoming graphic novel!) This is what you get for saying you're emo when emo guys actually take part in fucking shit like that.

Had non….mutual….phone….sex……..and…..didn’t…write…..an…awkward….song….about……it? Which is to say, yes, I did the opposite a bunch and it’s embarrassing and that’s why I wrote our “hit” song about it (it wasn’t a fucking hit, by the way, it was basically a ‘pick of the week’ of its ilk).

Do I resent my years being labeled as emo? No. Because I did it to myself. I projected myself onto people I’m not. I spent tons of time with people who were nothing like me but (sometimes are also nice guys but more often than not, basically the reincarnations of 70’s rock dudes who were thrown into shit way too young and got confused). They lived that mystique-filled existence and I was intrigued, because they scared the living shit out of me and I wanted to impress them because I was young, somewhat gay and dumb and wanted…..DADDY. DADDY.

So I did my last Saves the Day cover today. Because Saves the Day are the best emo band of all time. I have the back tat to prove it. Won’t be covering that shit up. Even got it touched up by the former singer of From Autumn to Ashes (yes that’s a real story). Chris Conley is one of the good ones. But unfortunately, we’re not clones, and, just as I thought before the world told me we were “The Next Saves The Day”, that I can’t measure up to Chris on the emo-spectrum. I still think they’re better than Sunny Day, though they would never admit it. Christopher – he’s an enigma, one I’ll always love, especially now that I’m too old to be convinced I want to be him. Saves the Day remains a band, and should always be a band, an emo one at that, because Chris was the first emo guy I met who KNEW he was an emo guy and HATED THAT FACT….but really had a soft spot for other emo bands, and remains unashamed of it. He should never be and will never be the one writing a letter like this. He's too busy writing great songs and looking good but not knowing it. But unfortunately, this is going to be my last Saves the Day cover, or at least BI MONTHLY SAVES THE DAY COVER BASED ON SAY ANYTHING'S HISTORY. And you’ll hear quite obviously in it that I’ve had to (Painfully. Painfully. Crying the whole time) let go.

Until then, listen to the new bands that get this. They’re not really emo bands. They’re better than that. And they’re better than US. We were to emo what Queen were to the Beatles… we just thought it was good for a laugh and liked to get our rocks off while doing it. These other bands…..they’re barely millennial. And there’s a lot of girls in these bands, too. And beautiful, sweet, kind gay men. And other awkward straight-ish guys who know they have no business bitching about girls (until they wake up and realize they’ve got a bit of girl in them).

But don’t forget about Eisley, because they did it first, BITCHES.

XO
max

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