Regarding Antipop's death

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When I woke up around 8 am on July 15th, I saw that I had one notification from Antipop. It was from his sister, asking if I knew anything.
I was in a panicked state and asked around if anyone knew anything. Creed sent me a screenshot from Anti's facebook with messages confirming Anti's death.
I've talked to one of his fb mutuals/irl friends and they can confirm.

I hoped. Prayed. That this is all a sick joke.
But Anti would never, ever pull a sick joke like this.

Somewhere around the 13th to 14th of July, Garrett J. Fosmer, also known as his handle "Antipop" overdosed on heroin and died.
Yes, he's dead.
Antipop is fucking dead.

Anti was one of the most important people I've ever met. And I can good to honest say that he was my very best friend.
Most people probably wouldn't read this, but these are all those little things about him that I want to share.

Few months ago, Weaver wanted to set up a Secret Hitler game and got Antipop, who happened to have Tabletop Sim, to join in.
Afterward, I started talking to him more after he was the only one who showed up to watch Spirited Away with me.
We became fast friends.

He told me he was clean (of drugs) for two years. I always was willing to criticize him for his vices, be it drinking excessively or smoking.
I didn't feel like drugs would end up being...well...
Anti didn't lie to me. Sure he jokingly underestimated how many cigs he had or how much he drank, but we'd always laugh it off and go back to playing games or whatever.

He liked chemistry. His favorite bands were Ween, Primus, and some others I don't remember. He liked Cake.
He was going to see the Ween concert on July 24th. He was really looking forward to it.

He liked playing Natural Selection 2 a whole lot, and was playing Depth when I VC'd with him the hours before his death.
He watched Good Will Hunting, your name., Fight Club, Castle in the Sky, and so many other movies with me.
He watched Death Parade, Akashic Records, and Madoka Magica (and the movie). He liked Kyoko the most from Madoka. He liked Re=L from Akashic Records.
We watched Chopped, Cutthroat Kitchen, Cake Wars, Cupcake Wars, and Worst Chefs in America.

And most of all, he loved Brawl League and Brawlhalla. He knew so many people in the community, and he was so happy to see Brawl League be like a family.
Toast, Veey, Betonic, Expired, Pingu... he cared about everyone. Sure he'd voice some annoyances here and there, but he always wanted things to work out no matter what.
He even friended randoms who would BM him post-game chat and just...talk to them. Talk to them through their anger and be willing to spar with them.
He wanted everyone to be like a team and work together.

And Anti, most of all, showed all that kindness to me. He would tell me to never change for anyone or anything because who I am was someone who cared and loved.
I'd badger him to play games like Soul Worker, Tabletop Sim (Coup and all), Pulsar, SCP, or even Fortnite. I got him to play Minecraft on Jellyfish's server for a while.
We played my janky version of Dungeons & Dragons, and we even finished a campaign with Pingu. It was really fun.

Anti was someone I wanted to share everything with.
And I told him many, many things. Maybe one day about how I felt that day, what was hurting me, how my day was, or whatever.
When I started knitting, he'd joke that I needed to knit him a quilt. He taught me how to seed tournaments.
He called me the "second best Diana NA" because he was the first best.
He wanted to commission me to draw a picture of a friend of his who had also passed of an overdose.
They were gonna just be driving together in the picture. I put it off because Anti said I could take my time with it.
He won't ever get to see it.

He was always genuinely interested in anything I had to share. He'd crack jokes with me and just...be there for me.
I could just be myself around him. He'd always be someone who I could rely on.
I would always jokingly call him "dad" or "boss", and like clockwork, he would always say I was gross or a simple "ew".

He told me a lot about himself. He loved his ma, who also happened to be called Karen. He loved his niece, Josie.
He'd always go out for lunch with his dad and would come back with pictures of waterfalls he went to and ate lunch at.
He'd show me videos of his cats, just meowing at each other. His grey cat Mulson sitting in the sink.
His fat cat Kitler (who was his favorite) loved belly rubs. Frankie was always too scared to be petted.
He liked to try to catch the peepers (little frogs) that would be out in the spring.
He always sand "Western New York" instead of "West Virginia" when I would sing Country Roads.
He loved walking around barefoot, even though he stepped on a nail once (that was a yikes).

Just a few days ago, I said China was boring and he wanted pictures from what I had seen, like the abundant Peppa Pigs and the Avatar Mountains at Zhangjiajie.
He told me to get his niece something Peppa Pig related in our last VC because she loved Peppa Pig. I bought a Peppa Pig plushie later that day.
For him, I bought a little watermelon plushie dude. I was going to give them to him at BCX.

When I was sad or angry, he'd always be willing to listen to me. He was so humble and so genuine.
He'd always be willing to give people a chance, to let people learn from their mistakes.
He was hopeful for the future. I guess it doesn't matter now.

Anti, I hate you. You were gonna watch Detective Conan with me. We have 840 episodes left to go out of 900+. And dozens of Conan movies.
You were gonna grab bubble tea and ramen with me at BCX. You said you didn't want to progress in Soul Worker if I wasn't there.
We didn't get to level 55 before I went to China, and we never will.
You promised me tomorrow would be better. You promised, and I know you wouldn't lie to me ever.
I wish I had talked to you a bit longer. Asked you what you were going to do when you left VC. You said you were taking a shower.
Then stopped responding after I asked you whether or not Jelly and ithrow could play in FNB.

Something, anything to have stopped you from taking the drugs that ended your life.
You were so kind and smart and thoughtful about so many things. But in the end you were stupid.
So, so stupid.

You wrote me a letter and gave me a sticker, all sent through snail-mail. The sticker is on the back of my laptop.
And the letter... it was all handwritten. I showed it initially to Jelly when I was so excited to read it, which is how I had pictures of it.
That's how I also got his home address. We went into Google Maps and you gave me a "tour" of the town you grew up in.
I cried when I read the letter then, and here it is, the best I could transcribe through your handwriting:

"I was going to just send you my "autograph" in an attempt to be funny- my direct counter to you caling me or texting me "big gay". But after some thought, I figured that wasn't good enough. Instead, I wanted to send you something that is worth more, to give back to someone who has given me so much. Perhaps something that can make you laugh or smile, something that you might decide to reread in the future. Either way, a token you'll remember. Hopefully the message of this letter will go beyond the words written here- hopefully it'll symbolize appreciation to a girl who gives so much courage and strength to all of her friends, and that we love and care about you. I didn't plan any of this, so I can't promise how much structure it'll have. But here is my letter to you.
Be kind to yourself today. Recgonize the beauty of both youself and the world around you. Life isn't perfect, but it offers some amazing opportunities. When you feel like you're having a bad day, always remember that tomorrow is right around the corner. Remember that your friends are not far from reach. Believe in yourself and never give up. The drive that you have is inspiring, never change that. Continue to be who you are, don't change for the world. You're not perfect, but it's your strengths and you're imperfections that make you unique. They make you the person that all of your friends care for. Love your flaws and praise your strengths. See yourself the way we all do - love the all of you.
Thank you, Cala. Thank you for being someone I can rely on. For being someone who is always there for me. As I said earlier, these words alone can't express the appreciation that I have for all you have given me. You have a fantastic sense of humor that can always make me laugh. A genuine concern and care for me - you want the best for me, and that alone makes me want to be a better person. You give me insight at times where I may not know what to do. On a daily basis, you prove to me that there is a lot of good in the world, even if it comes in a small, wiggly package [like you.]
I hope that I inspire you as much as you inspire me. That you knew I'll always be here for you. And of course, that my autograph will give you the strength to always push on (:<
Love the all of you,
Anti"

You spelled "your" wrong, silly. But I loved reading it.

I asked you what you thought Heaven was like. You said you hoped it would be peaceful and beautiful.
You compared it to my Spring Championships art. You said you wanted to lie down in the grass.
I hope you have somewhere peaceful to sleep now. You deserve only the best.
You bore with so much pain and still lived through it all.

Anti, I love you. And I still do. I hope you went out peacefully, quickly, and not painfully.
You might be...gone from this life. But I know you didn't mean to leave me behind. You wanted me to be happy. You wanted me to find my happiness.
I would apologize, but you never wanted me to apologize. I'm crying now, but I'll try to stop because I know that you'd want me to smile instead.

So I'll thank you instead. Thank you for everything that you've done for me.
Thank you for introducing me to Brawl League.
Thank you for for always dragging me into Admin VC whenever I whined.
Thank you for showing me Detective Conan

Thank you for telling me that things will be better tomorrow
thank you for the all of you

even if i cant hear your voice anymore
even if i cant see your smile ever anymore
its ok because
all the kind things you said to me and all the happiness you brought to me and to everyone you were around
that's still with me
even if you arent

i hope that, even at the very end, you knew that you made me happier

rest in peace antipop
rest in peace garrett james fosmer, my dearest friend

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