ERG Anihmal · @Anihmal

11th May 2018 from TwitLonger

It was fun, guys. A new chapter.

When I first started this journey, it never crossed my mind that I'd be typing something like this. It hurts me so much to do this. My dream, like everyone else's was to "make it." I'm an extremely passionate and motivated person, always striving to do the best in everything I do. I loved playing Call of Duty, meeting everyone at events, talking to everyone online and even interacting with everyone on Twitter. This year for me was supposed to be "the year," that's why I sacrificed school, sleep, my health, even skipping family/friend events. My main and only priority was this. This year as a whole, I came up short on my expectations. I definitely believe that I can compete at the highest level of Call of Duty, but I don't want to keep trying anymore. People may say, "there's still a lot of Call of Duty left to be played at Anaheim and Champs." I totally agree with that statement, but I've just become extremely burnt out with the process. When you have a plan in mind and it doesn't pan out the way you thought it would, you start to feel let down. I started to self-reflect on everything that has happened this year, and the only thing I've gained from this was 17k PPs and a headache. I'm never a person to be stressed out, I'm always laid back and chill, but for the first time in my life, I felt extremely frustrated. I feel to succeed in this, you need to have 3 teammates and yourself on the same exact page. I'm a person that doesn't like to depend on anyone, but when you have to depend on someone to get online, (not even about performing) just able to respect your time, and they don't, it starts to take a toll on you especially when it's done over and over. Or when you have to deal with someone being bad vibes it just becomes annoying. There are so many outside factors that impact the process that are out of your reach. I've always had fun playing Call of Duty but the last few months haven't been fun at all. After Seattle, I took a few days off and felt a lot happier. I hopped back online and just wasn't feeling the grind that I normally had. I tried to convince myself that I was having fun while playing and that I was happy doing it, but I caught myself again not feeling it at all. My happiness comes first, so this is the first time in my career that I'm being selfish. With that being said, I'm officially going to step away from Call of Duty. I might still play the 2Ks just to do them and play occasionally but I don't know if I'll be back for BO4. I will still be on Twitter and will be in contact with all of the friends I've made through this. I don't want to name people because I'm afraid I'll forget someone's name, but all of the friends who were with me through this ride, you know who you are, I love you guys. I hope that I left a positive impact on everyone I've met in this community in some way. I didn't want to live my life knowing that I didn't at least give it my all, unfortunately didn't achieve what I had planned. I believe everything happens for a reason. To make this choice, it took so much out of me, but I guess it's a sign for me to tap into different things and experience life more. I love eSports, and know that it has a bright future and maybe one day I'll get back into it, maybe not as a competitor, but somehow involved with the scene. With 16 hours a day to spare now, I will focus on my happiness, health, and connecting with family and friends again along with continuing college and starting to work. I wish everyone who still has the drive and motivation to do this the very best of luck. I appreciate everyone who has had the patience to read all of this. It's been Anihmal or Brandon and I'm out, peace. #C2C.

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