Sorry everybody, I am leaving BIG.
First of all I would like to thank the BIG-Fans/supporters as well as the BIG Clan for giving me the opportunity to play CS:GO on a professional level and in a professional team. With this statement I want to clarify that it was my own decision to leave BIG, unlike the official statement. I just did not enjoy playing like this anymore and I think it is best for me and BIG if I step back from this line-up.
After about 2 weeks I have already started to get very unhappy and unconfident playing for this team. The criticism in-game often sounded inappropriate to me and really destroyed a lot of my confidence. Therefore it was hard for me to have fun during and after the practices. I also couldn’t feel the team spirit which is a very important factor to me because it felt like I was on a lower level than the others and that they look down to me. A few weeks later I noticed that I was not playing to win anymore, instead I was playing to not get criticized. I think it was not a fair way to treat a newcomer like that.
But the moment when I was 100% sure to leave was when we played versus SK: There was a situation where an enemy was behind the smoke and I offered to flash through it but held the flash for a second too long in my hand so I died. My death was traded immediately and we won the round shortly after that. I wanted to fist bump and say “good job guys” or something like that, but instead someone screamed loudly right into my face. At this point I realized that BIG is not the right team for me. After WESG I offered to still play and train for the ESEA MDL playoffs but the team decided against it.
Maybe it was not an environment for a newcomer to learn and have fun playing at the same time, but I cannot give up family, friends and my education to go full-time in something that doesn’t make fun. I really wish that BIG finds a player that fits fully into the team and I hope they will have success with the new line-up and reach their goals.
After all I do not regret that I approached the trial for BIG, the experience I have made is priceless. Thank you Lenz for having our back at all time and special thanks to family Ozan who were always welcoming and shared the best meals with us. Thanks to all the fans, your support was amazing, I really liked when you guys asked for a signature or how you guys were surprised when I accepted your friend requests, that really made my day sometimes. Hopefully this will not be my last team and I am looking forward to stream, so maybe we can still have a great time together.