I've decided to quit CS

When I first started playing CS:GO in 2013 as a 13-14 year old kid, it was the funnest thing I've ever played. That summer, I was genuinely a 220-240 hour/2weeks player. I absolutely loved the game. The trend continued, probably, for around two years - literally getting home from school and playing CSGO until I slept every single day.

For a while, matchmaking was my life. I burnt through 900 comp matches in maybe a little bit over 6 months. Then, I got ESEA. Soon enough, that became my life. Everything was about my RWS. I started at 11? Plateau'd at 13 for a few months, then started ranging into that 14+ range. Everything became easier once I decided I'd just focus on being a good aimer and hypercarrying every pug I got into.

I was stuck in open for 5 seasons (for being too much of a troll, as I've been told), which I was totally content with, to be honest, because I was still a young kid at the time. Although I would've been in IM had I stayed with my original team that season @Pocketglobe, I received an offer from @SQKcs (although he doesn't log in on twitter whatsoever) to join his ESEA-Main team after playing with him at a LAN.

Of course, I took it. I was tired of being on a different team every season and the chance to go straight to main was something that wasn't even a hard decision for me. We nearly made it to premier, as well, but lost to @SoaR_mCe and his squad, which went under Rival at the time. I wasn't surprised, I've always been quite the pessimist, and I expected to remain in ESEA-Main for quite a while.

To be honest, I never should have reached Premier when I did. The only reason that I got into Premier was because @dazzLeGO put in a very good word for me with his then-team captain, HazardouZ. At the time, HazardouZ didn't like me, because we engaged in some volatile bantz in a previous interaction. So, I probably should never have even gotten a chance to try out. Of 3 try outs, the team decided that I was going to sit out that season as a substitute, which I was also fine with because it would steal mean that I could say that I was in Premier - a fact that might help if I was never given an ability to move upwards within the team.

Fortunately, for the events that I did have to substitute in, I played very well. I wasn't immediately moved into a starting position, but once roster changes became evident, that's what ended up happening. So, that's what happened that made me get into ESEA-Premier, although it probably shouldn't have.

From there, after a series of unfortunate events, I ended up getting into the early @GhostGaming_GG roster due to the fact that whenever my team versed their team, I played very well, and they liked my (often) reliable aim. Eventually, though, the team began talking about getting a team house. Around that time, I had already developed a strict focus about a genuine career being the first priority and CS being the second. So, of course, a team house wasn't something that was compatible with my lifestyle, and I had to leave the team. After that, I bounced around teams for a while until landing on a team and recruiting @DouglasRattman.

I was actually going to quit CS about 2 seasons ago in order to focus on school - a decision that was only curbed by the then-Ghost Manager, crondle, and their related friend, @dustinamell. With the promise of a salary, I was more willing to put effort in - but I still didn't want to play the game.

My decision to quit came at the behest of my teammates (@oderusCS, @makkacsgo and the gang) who wanted me to stay and continue to play with them. While I honestly would have loved to, I really didn't (and still don't) think I can, for reasons I'll underline.

Somewhere between getting into premier and my original premier team breaking down, I started to sincerely, aggravatingly hate CS. Throughout this entire autobiography, I started from a 220-240 hour player, eventually evening out around 60-90, moving down to 60 maximum, and as time went on, more and more less. There was a time where I thought "I guess I'll play a pug." But now, if I get asked to pug, I literally cringe. I HATE playing CSGO. The thought of playing it on my free time is something I scoff at, because I loathe this game so much. I guess it's because I burnt out - but I don't really know. Even during practice, I had a hard time not just going on my phone or not just opening up the steam overlay browser, because as I was sitting in the server, I'd just be saying to myself "I don't want to be doing this."

I'd be lying if I said that the sole reason I was quitting was because of my academics. I have been succeeding with them, so there's no reason that I couldn't continue succeeding with the same schedule. However, knowing that I'd get home every day and play 3 hours of CS per night of the 8 hours of free time I have just made me uncomfortable. Mentally, it's not something I can sustain. With this, I acquire a lot more liberty, knowing that I can do what I want whenever I want with my free time.

If you want to become pro, and you're at the MDL level, let me inform you now that NA MDL is nowhere near the skill level of even EU Main in my experience. If you are not 90+ adr in NA MDL, like I was, you need to be playing this game a LOT and improving a LOT because you are nowhere near skilled enough to become a top tier professional. Playing in ECS with the early @GhostGaming_GG and just now at the MDL Lan against @AGOcsgo reminded me just how much further I have to go if I want to move myself forward in CSGO. The required amount of time that I'd need to put into CSGO to improve that much is something that drives me insane just by the thought.

It's not only better for me mentally having quit - but better for my teammates. While many of us would leave mumble as soon as practice was done, the others would at least be actively trying to improve and succeed during practice. While my performance on average was around that of my teammates, I can't say that I've been doing the same. In my opinion, I brought down the type of an environment that a scrim should be, because I'd openly say that it's not possible for me to try because I straight up don't want to be there.

While they may have wanted me to stay, I can genuinely say that I believe that they will be to improve at a much faster pace with their new recruits @daprcs and @guimondcs. I wish them all the luck in the world, and their matches will probably be the only matches that I've watched in over several years now, since my time being an admin at @csgolounge.

So, hopefully this long written autobiography can wrap up any questions anyone might have about this. Again, thank you so much to everyone along the way that has helped me in ways more than I may know.

Honorable mentions that haven't already been mentioned:
@el_jack0
@SileNtCSGO
@Whitehound_csgo
@bee1os
@WARDELLCSGO
@sebCSGO
@CONNORRR93
@neptuneism
Abdoh

There are 100% people that I've missed. Know that it doesn't mean I don't care about you - hit me up and we can chat.


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