Allan Jensen · @AnJcsgo
8th Nov 2017 from TwitLonger
update on things, confidence, roles, status.
this is a huge amount of text, even the TL;DR in the bottom, but I needed to rant.
first of all I would like to thank everyone who msg'ed me with positive and cheerful stuff during this week after the minor.
Obviously i was super disappointed by our minor result, we had the best possible road to make a major qual, but we failed to even make it to the playoffs. We just fucked up vs col on the last maps.. I didn't shit the bed individually but I didn't play as well as i should have, but we just keep doing the same stupid mistakes in advantageous situations and lose to many pistol rounds and anti ecos...
I wanna talk a bit about something that mostly is just to get it off my chest but also hopefully open some people's eyes.
Ever since I joined this team I've been having kind of an identity crisis. I went from being a star player in my old team and had a lot of different tendencies on my backbone that just made me able to call stuff and react to stuff in the team that just always played to my favor and the teams. After getting cerq it kind of sealed the deal for me, that the stars of this team are brehze and cerq, and rightfully so, they're both insane players and I have full confidence in them bearing that responsibility.
this has meant that I have had to transition into a way more supportive role and put myself in spots where they get best possible odds to win us rounds. for everyone who knows how cs works I won't have to explain this, but this obviously means that my stats, impact etc doesn't show up as much and I'm getting so much shit from the community. this is the first time I'm the victim of continuously hate and shit talking, and even though I know 90% if it isn't justified and comes from complete imbeciles, I still have a hard time not getting affected by it. I do care how I look to people but what's most important is the team and our collective success.
One of the things that I have had to focus a lot more on, since joining, is taking control of and directing players. remind of pathings, who throws what, afterplants - basically a lot of mid round stuff, and even though this was something I did to a degree in my old team it still affects me way more now, maybe because of the language barrier, maybe because I'm not as confident anymore I dno, but with daps going to the coaching role all that responsibility just got even bigger, and me always wanting to improve i asked him for help and tips what to focus on and the list just piled up so I focused too much on what to improve and not enough on actually just killing stuff..
cs is a game of confidence, comfortability and through that stability. all those things seem lost to me at times and it shows through my performance. but I'm not giving up and I'm as motivated as ever to improve and I think I have a good idea how to move forward.
With daps being back into the lineup I get more room to slowly improve on the things I need to improve on while also getting my confidence back and focusing on what I'm actually good at while helping the team in the best possible way. putting in more time in the game and try and get in a better state of mind, so I become more happy, getting up earlier and just making my days more productive.
people keep telling me i should have never left Denmark, and that ive become a worse player but quite the contrary. I learn so much every time we play, and me being a way different player now helps me evolve as a player and develop all my aspects in the game. I have not regretted this move once and I'll keep working on showing that to people.
TL;DR
I am not the same player that I was on singularity. i dont have the same role not teammates that allowed me to do what I did before. I've gone from being a star player to being more supportive and I'm fine with that because I have full confidence in cerq and brehze, but it does affect my stats and people need to get into their heads that it doesn't mean I've just become complete shit. It has hurt my confidence and I struggle to focus on what I'm good at because I keep wanting to improve at my new role in too many ways and it makes me play worse. But I'm confident and motivated going forward to get back my confidence and raise my individual performance again while still doing everything the team requires. no matter my performances I keep learning and i will come back stronger.