s👻ul · @shoutotodoroki
25th Oct 2017 from TwitLonger
everything.
fave things of andrew, aka the sun himself...tw for self harm, abuse, rape. though i don't go into detail about it, but those who read the series know what it will imply. so if you read, please be careful! i mention drake and proust.
terribly sorry for this mess:
♡ his strength. the amount of things he's done through...no one should ever have to go through that. and especially that young. and the fact that he had no one to rely on during that time really shows how strong he is? to have to keep pushing yourself forward when the world just keeps trying to drag you down...he could've given up. he could've just stopped everything, but he didn't. and he's STILL trying to fight his demons to this day. he's still fighting to get better, to live and not just exist. and he had to relive all of his traumas again through proust, right after what happened at nicky's parent's house...and. just. that kind of thing really pushes you back, and i know at that point he didn't feel anything because he didn't Care, but it sticks with you. but he still stands. and he still makes progress. and i admire that so damn much. and also he chose to stop self harming, which takes A LOT of strength, but he was able to find it within himself, and that gives me the courage too...
♡ his care and devotion to his family and their safety!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god that is just so important to me and i love him so much for it. like he literally does EVERYTHING for THEM, not for himself. he used to live solely to keep the promises he made to them--to protect them. and he really lives up to it. he wouldn't forgive himself if he broke those promises...everyone else sees him as this soulless, violent monster, but he just wants to keep his family safe. and he does go overboard sometimes, i won't ever defend some of his actions, but what he's gone through shaped him into this. made him into the way he is today. but i love him so much? through and through for it? and i understand him completely, and i just wish others would try to do the same...to try and see the good in between all those layers he puts around himself. he cares so much, too damn much probably. when he left cass to keep aaron safe, who he didn't even know that well back then? but he still left the one person that made him actually want to try for /himself/, even though staying there almost killed him. and from then on he literally put his life on the line for aaron, for nicky...he stood himself between kevin and his abuser, between neil and what was catching up to him...there's just. so much. that shows how much he truly cares for his family. and it's hard for everyone else to see and that kills me because he really!!!!! literally lived for them!!! and did so much for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
♡ adding onto the reason of how strong he is, andrew always states that he wants nothing, that he knows better. knows better than to hope for something. but he still took that chance of finding a reason to /try/ and making that deal with kevin. he didn't expect anything to come out of it at all but he still went into it. especially after all that he went through, to Know that he shouldn't expect anything, because it can be taken away from him if he let it in. that's why he doesn't want anything...building up all those walls around himself. and then he thought of neil as a pipe dream--too good to be true for him...then he came to trust him with every part of himself, trusted him to respect his boundaries, and especially what happened in nov/dec that's a really big thing. for something that happened so recently for him and SO intensely, he trusted neil and let him in and that just really takes a lot. and it shows so much progress for him, i'll always be proud of him for it hi i'm crying haha
♡ it also breaks my heart like in a good way with the line "I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be." because he's so afraid to become like his abusers? he is violent at times but keeps his anger to himself where it will only hurt him. he keeps his promises and makes sure he is on equal ground with people, where it's give and take and not just take take take, like the way it was for Him. when he said "Tell me no", when he said "Because I made you a promise. I did not forget it just because you chose not to believe me. I did what I said I would do, and fuck you for expecting anything else." like god he just upholds it so highly its IMPORTANT to him and i really relate to it on a deep level.
♡ in the extra content where nora talks about him and neil's domestic life i just love reading about him and the cats' relationship it's so funny i can just imagine him calling them stupid and stuff but in a fond way and the fact that they also become reasons for him to live just makes my heart so warm
♡ him being on his meds literally kills me because he HATES them but he really has quite the iconic lines during then he's so sarcastic and funny but i just remember why he's like that and it just makes me want to die but "Jean. Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello." like omfg i'll die for you anyday?
♡ when he missed only 13 out of 150 attempted shots then proceeded to completely shut down the ravens WHILE GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWAL LIKE HE IS JUST SOMETHING ELSE HE'S...AMAZING...RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING I AM IN AWE EVERYDAY
♡ his love for sweets is truly relatable he's got the biggest sweet tooth my lil baby
♡ i really love how blunt he is idk he just tells it like it is and i admire it, i wish i could be the same
♡ he's so tiny but also so stronk and it's just...man i am really in love with you andrew you have no idea! HE FREAKIN' BENCH PRESSES
♡ he wears all black in like 100 degree weather, same
♡ how much he loves neil do i even need to get into this? this post would end up even freakin' longer and i don't think anyone needs that but. the love and trust that's put into their relationship makes me so happy. i'll always be so thankful that they have each other, through the good and bad days.
♡ he just...really understands others and the things they've gone through, can see them eye-to-eye. he gets it.
♡ his relationship with bee and also renee it's really cute and sweet especially since they're outside of his family circle so he's like not...obligated(? i don't think this is the right word i'm searching for but) to interact with them but he still does because he cares for them and overtime they still maintain that closeness :')
♡ and overall, the super big that i love about him is that he makes me feel validated. i really struggled with ptsd before i found him. it was hard for me to come to terms to what happened to me, and to learn how to manage my ptsd, but he's helped me so much. and he still continues to do so after a year and a half...he's saved me so many times and i really cannot put it into words how much he's done for me. he helps me become a better person, he helps me heal more than anything else has. he helps me understand myself better, he steadies me when everything becomes a bit too much. he tought me that it's okay to not be okay, but with time it will get easier. when i think of him, a little ray of hope sparks inside of me that one day i can get to where he is right now--where the bad days become few and far in between the good ones. i look up to him so damn much and i really have never loved anyone else this way. he brings so much light into my life when i thought all i'd see was darkness wow!!!!!!!!!! if you got this far i applaud you. thank you for reading andrew is my whole freakin' universe and i'm so grateful he exists.