tabzcsgo

tabz · @tabzcsgo

19th Oct 2017 from TwitLonger

My departure from Japaleno ~


My departure from Japaleno ~ TL;DR can be found below

I've always had a hard time releasing news to the public when it's negative, especially leaving by own choice but it feels like everyone that watches any tier3/2 CS felt the vibe that something was gonna change in our team even though it's been a very short while that we've officialy played together.

The reasoning for my departure is simple. I didn't feel comfterble with the role and the positions that were taken by me or given to me. Anyone that knows anything about me knows that I am a hybrid player. I like rifling but I love awping, I can play both but there's always that extra attachment towards the awp, it's my comfortzone. When I joined Japaleno I was originally going to China as an main awp and I had that planned for almost three months. I dedicated my soul watching the asian scene and just preparing me individually to play 100% awp. When I got the offer to play as a standin/tryout potential in the Dreamhack, Denver qualifier I immediately accepted because I knew it could lead to a potential lineup. Knowing FREDDyFROG, Relaxa and djL since before and being pretty close friends it would create a great opportunity.

After the Dreamhack Denver qualifier we placed 3/4th just behind Dignitas that we lost against 2 - 1 and on overtime at the last map, 19 - 15. Because of our developments and our teams comfort we decided to stay together. Though it ended with me staying in the team and not Brollan because of his age. He was not allowed to play in surtent tournaments by different organizers because of age-restrictions and he has school which would affect our praccing schedules, bootcamps and potential lans. That's when we decided to pick up another entryfragger and we looked around in the swedish scene and picked up Plessen.

Our team was finalized, we had a great lineup. But I felt out of place since the beginning but I told the guys that I can adapt and in the end I'll learn and the little I have experience will grow on me but all you have to do is give me time.
I've played around 30-40 officials since I said that and I still haven't found my place. Maybe it's too soon but because of my poor performances which often ends in us losing it affects our potential organisation offers and the teams spirit. I also hate myself when I do basic mistakes like not listening, making a poor play or just purely choking because I feel uncomfterble. There's a part of me that says "Well, you do the mistakes, you learn from them and move on. You'll learn on the job" kind of thing. But in the end, it feels like it isn't worth it for reasons stated above.
Maybe I tried to take a bigger piece than I could chew and messed up. It isn't for my benefit only, when you have close relations to the people you're playing with you don't want them to fail and if I am the reason to why they're failing I can't take that.

I told the guys that I would get the experience when we played and that I would adapt. I've proved them wrong, I didn't learn because of more experience, I just played horrible CS with them because of my inexperience with the main-rifling role and my way of adapting to rifling took longer than expected. With the uncomfterblity it added a layer of incofidence which added another layer of some of the shittiest mistakes you can do and just basic listening and understanding.

I don't have any excuses, I just failed at the role I was given and the positions I played. It's not the boys fault, it's all on my own. Even though it was short I have been given a lot of experience and I learned a lot too. Just playing against top teams is one of them but teamplay, communication and adapting to each other. In every loss there's something positive to take away, with us losing a lot in the end I learned a lot even though it'll take some time to take it into the game.

I want to thank FREDDyFROG, Relaxa, Plessen and djL for such an amazing opportunity and their continued friendship. This decision is mutal and understanding, no bad blood between us and as always, I wish them the best of luck and fortune in their upcoming teams and matches. It's the only humane thing to do. Sorry for all of those who cheered on me and wished me success! Those who hate and wishes me nothing but failure, I'll come back even stronger. Every failure is experience and with experience comes greatness.

I would really appreciate if people could RT & like. I am officialy a free agent and will be looking for another team in any region as a main awper.

TL;DR ~

I have officialy departured from Japaleno because of my recent level of CS. I am an main awper but took the role as a dedicated site/rotator player which made me uncomfterble. When I became uncomfterble with so many mistakes I started to play without confidence and I am a emotional player. If I have no comfterbility or confidence I just plainly suck.
I thank the entire team for the opportunity that was given to me and I apologize for them in advance because of my lackluster performances.

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