Andi Eigenmann · @andieigengirl
22nd Apr 2017 from TwitLonger
Help Jake see this.
Ive rediscovered this app, and while I now I actually can just throw shade at you infinitely, well, I wont. Because this has got to stop. This is the last time I will ever try to reach out.
Anyway, frustrations aside:
After letting go of all the pain from the past, and realising that anger is just such a bad habit that we should never keep, I believe that everything I had wanted for my child became more selfless and mature. Aside from the personal values and rules that I would like for my child to abide by, having her father there as much as he could is also at the top of my list. Because even though you hurt me (and vice versa) I still believe that you do love her so much, and that you want whats best for her as well. I may have found a better man for me, but that doesn't make you less of a person either. I guess we just weren't meant to be. Which is why, I also never want you to think that just because I have met the man of my dreams, it doesn't mean that he's taking your place in my child's life. No because I know its not necessary. I never judged you for not knowing what to do the 1st time we went abroad w you, cus I know it takes time. The world knows, I took time either. I do have reasons. But I will never blame anybody, including you for it because that's just pathetic.
While I believe its just safe to say that Ive come a long way as a person and most especially as a mother, I also admit that Ive never been close to perfect. It just saddens me to know that after all this time you cant even admit to any of your faults. And all you do is make sure to throw shade at me so that you'd always be above me. Even as far as sending me a petition for joint custody which basically just states that I am not a good mother when YOU KNOW NOTHING. And when asked why it had to be done this way, it's STILL. MY. FAULT.--Because you had your lawyer send me a letter (accusing me of neglect, and of not allowing my child to see you) that I ignored because as I received it, Ellie was already with YOU, anyway.
First of, I really thought you were better than hiring a lawyer to fulfill your duties as a father for you. I just found it so ridiculous that you actually went so far as this petition, when if you had only learned how to communicate properly, maybe then youd know that I want the same for her too. I wouldn't take my child away from a father that loves her dearly. When I say she cant, due to previous engagements, its true. And you choosing to never believe me, is on you.
So please dont blame me for feeling this way right now. Please dont blame me for feeling the need to defend myself because unlike you, it is only myself that I can rely on. I have no people to do this for me.
Jake, all I want is for you to respect my values as a mother. I just want her to eat her veggies even when Im not there. I just want her to value simplicity. I dont believe in (an abundance) of toys, and I dont think that makes me crazy. I even tell my child that while Ive been taking her around the country, Im sure you'd be taking her around the world soon enough too. I always made sure she knew that her dad is her real life prince charming. Your princess, my potato.
And then one day I wake up and receive a petition that insists I dont lend my child when she just came from yours. A petition that insists Im a bad mom. that working non stop to be able to provide for her is actually neglect. that making sure that Im happy and that I give myself the balance in life that every mother deserves, makes me unfit. Basically just a million of accusations about me as a person that you know nothing about anymore. I never even posted photos of the 3 of us cus I took your feelings to account. So please dont question why Im making this about me. Because this in fact affects me. I earn enough to give my daughter a comfortable life. And now I have to spend so much money for a lawyer to go against yours, even if it is just completely unnecessary. Now I have to jeopardize fulfilling my dream for my family because of you. I just thought you were better than this.
Im sure theres a higher chance that this letter would just be crumpled and completely diregarded but its worth a shot. Because while I gave up on our relationship, I will never give up on you as a dad.
You know, I have not forgotten about any of the things you did to me, but I have learned to forgive. I sincerely hope you'll learn to do so too.
Jake, for once, I really hope you would read (if ever this gets to you) to understand what Im saying, instead of just reading to figure out a reply that would shut me down again. Im not doing this because Im playing victim. Im doing this because this is the only way you'll ever notice me. This is the only way you ever did.