S0LV0

«MiSyltoe» · @S0LV0

9th Mar 2017 from TwitLonger

Important


This is something I hoped I would never write. It's also something I've been lying to myself about for as long as I can remember now, and I can only destroy my sanity so long over it. Unleashed Project isn't making me happy; in fact, it's making me miserable. For almost a year now I've been trying so hard to pursue personal passions and finding Unleashed Project to be the chain attached to my leg, reminding me that I made promises to people that I'd be a garbage human being if I didn't keep. Well, that's how I'd been thinking of it anyway. Meanwhile so many of my friends have expressed serious concern over my well-being, seeing how I've struggled to manage myself with the whole thing on my back.
The truth is, I have a lot of trouble admitting that I'm not okay. I don't know what caused it, but whenever something upsets me, my first compulsion is to stuff it down and try my hardest to pretend I'm okay. I live by accepting unhappiness instead of doing something about it. So... this is my admission that I'm not okay. I'm not okay with working on UP, I'm not okay even with continuing to be social. If there's anything the last year or two has taught me, it's that setting expectations and then feeling like I'm failing to meet them destroys me. I don't think having an audience is healthy for me, at least right now.
So, here it is. I can't begin to express how sorry I am about this, but I'm cancelling Unleashed Project 2.0. For a long time I was really passionate about it, and I felt I had something special to share with people by working on it, but that passion is gone. I know of no one I could pass the workload onto, nor do I plan to release my "completed" work as none of it is fully polished. I'm sincerely sorry to those who were looking forward to it, but I hope you'll understand by this far into my post that it was extremely unhealthy for me.
The truth is, I've always struggled to find my ultimate interest, or passion. I've gone from thing to thing, hoping it feels right. Not many have worked out for the better, not even music, which I was convinced for a while was my biggest passion. I'm still finding myself, but my interests and feelings have pushed me to pursue more personal and private things, as well as pushed me from being compelled to remain actively social. In case you were wondering when my hiatus would be over... yeah. Truth is, there's a good chance I'll walk away from my social media for good before long. I don't know when, and I probably won't announce it, but that's the other thing I had to get off my chest. I'm so much happier where I'm living than I ever have been, and I feel fulfilled spending time with the people I love. A social kind of life is one I don't think I can handle at this point. Once again, I'm... very sorry. I know I'm dropping two bombshells in a single post, but I wouldn't know how to get this out otherwise.
It feels like for the first time in my life, I'm beginning to find the things that make me happy without any real drawbacks, and my life is changing in a drastic way. I've met a lot of people through social media, and spoken to even more. I'm grateful for every single person who's helped get me to where I am, or supported me in some way. Before I came to Twitter, I didn't think I was the kind of person anyone could enjoy... but I was proven wrong. Thank you.

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