Zach Malhas · @___Nien___

27th Feb 2017 from TwitLonger


Before I started playing League I played a similar game called HoN or Heroes of Newerth, which was another dota clone, just it was a lot more similar to dota itself. On HoN I played a good amount with Scarra, and was way better than him at that game so when I heard he was a pro at League I swapped over and wanted to do the same. Within around 6 months of try harding I was able to get rank 1. I fully immersed myself and never stopped playing, I practiced and practiced and practiced, regularly practicing for more than 30 hours at a time just because I just wanted to get better and catch up to the best of the best and be able to play live in front of everyone. I was stomping people left and right in tournies, hard carrying tons of games and doing things like out-csing Doublelift by 150 and hard carrying from a situation where we were down 3 inhibs vs CLG in LCS. I also was able to solo kill Ambition and out cs Froggen by 80 at 20 minutes back when they were both considered the best in their region after only one month of playing mid lane, when subbing in for Team Dynamic at MLG Dallas, but considering that my teams were never popular enough to be played on the main stage hardly anyone knew how talented I was back then.

But, alas, with no coach or anyone to keep me in check my ego went rampant and no one was there to shape me into a star, and ultimately I was incredibly stupid and was a terrible teammate on every single team I have been on in some way shape or form. After losing 4 out of 5 LCS Promotion tournies (I think I might actually have the lowest win % for promo tournies) I had/have turned into a shell of who I once was in terms of skill and mentality. My biggest pet peeve is feeling like i've let my team down and each loss dealt a huge blow to me mentally, these were my great friends that I was playing with throughout the teams was on and each time I wasn't good enough to pull us through, each time that I could have carried, if only I had played a bit better, if only I was a better teammate, If only I had practiced harder, I felt personally responsible for them having to quit league. So many close friends have had to give up on their dreams because I let them down and I will never forget that. I am sorry to all of my previous team members for not being a good teammate and for letting you all down.

I had lost my drive and determination to practice 24 7 and give my heart and soul into this game like I once had, but i'm done with giving into my depressive self destructive thoughts and I am ready to prove to the world how good I truly am, not only for myself, but for you guys who have supported me and my past teammates as well.

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.”
― Steve Maraboli

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