Gambit · @Gambit_RL
26th Jul 2016 from TwitLonger
Why I'm not attending RLCS
Hey guys, I want to answer a few questions regarding where I've been recently and why I'm not currently playing with the team. For the last few years I've been struggling with severe depression and have been on many different medications, some of which recently have affected my cognitive abilities in different ways and along with the depression itself have made it hard for me to play well consistently and stay motivated to compete in Rocket League (or do anything else). A few weeks ago I had two anxiety attacks in two days, which is what led me to finalize my decision not to go to RLCS and stop competing immediately. Those anxiety attacks turned out to be the best thing that happened to me in the last three years, as I learned that the symptoms I've been experiencing for years (tiredness and fatigue, sadness, random mood changes, difficulty falling asleep, constant trembling and weakness, etc.) were due to a general anxiety disorder rather than simply depression, which is what I was being treated for unsuccessfully. About two weeks ago I started on a medication for anxiety and I feel happy and look forward to each new day for the first time in over five years. I can't even begin to describe how much better I feel now and how much I've changed in such a short period of time. I am however still taking a break from competitive Rocket League for a few reasons:
1) I'll possibly be trying similar medications to see what works best and I don't want to have to change medications again while competing
2) I want to take time to do things that I haven't been able or motivated to do before
3) I want my life to be as stress-free as possible right now as I get well
What this means is that I'll be withdrawing from competitive Rocket League for the time being (competitive meaning anything in which money is on the line). It could be for a few weeks, it could be a few months, I don't know. With my newfound outlook on life I may decide that I want to pursue something other than pro gaming. Regardless, I will still be working with Cosmic as an analyst and scrim/training partner in my spare time, and I wish them the best at RLCS :D
I'm confident that if I do return to pro RL with the energy positivity and motivation that I have now that's growing each day I'll be much better than ever before.