why I played tournament today

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What a day.

Gathered up a few friends and played a tourney for the first half of the day, having 0 practice and having met the 5th player (Talaz) 1 hr before the first match, we performed surprisingly well. I was satisfied with how we did, of course we could've done better, but our goal going into this tournament was to have FUN, and we got just THAT. Personal goal of mine was to show my fans that I "could" join the competitive scene, since I get that question a lot during my stream, "why don't you play competitively?". I give out the same answer every time, "because streaming is better", but a part of me always felt bad for saying that. Because it omits out a lot of other stuff that I don't want to talk publicly. Well..

I WISH my mom didn't pass away...
I WISH my dad didn't instantly get a new family and moved on...
I WISH my dad approved of my gaming passion and believed in me. Even just once...
I WISH I didn't have a mentally unstable brother and deal with crazy shit...
I WISH I didn't have to quit gaming from pressure and guilt trip while in my peak in DotA 1...
I WISH HoN was ran better and didn't lose so horribly in the competition versus LoL while I was the biggest player in the game...
I WISH I sincerely enjoyed competitive LoL when I got rank 1 in first season / invited to TSM...
I WISH I was there with team 8 when they reformed and made it to LCS. I WISH we never had to break to begin with cause of one scummy teammate...
I WISH I could've just accepted the invitation to MVP and join March in Korea for DotA2 without having to worry about the army...
I WISH I had a home, and wasn't a broke ass...

But no. Things happened, mistakes were made, and I lost a lot of opportunities. I could dwell in the past, I could blame my situation on others, I could curse in the air for giving me a broken family and broken dreams. And I did. Wasted a lot of time and energy. But in the end, I face a stone-cold reality, whatever happened, happened. Maybe I was unlucky, maybe it was my fault. But does it really matter? I can only change what I can change, and that is myself.

So I decided with HotS, whatever I do, whatever happens, I will stick to my decision no matter what. And yet again, after months of contemplation, I've finally decided. I will full-time stream. And again, I will stand by this decision no matter what. I put literally EVERYTHING else aside, and turned into a machine. A streaming machine.

Now I feel blessed. Maybe I got lucky, maybe I did something right. I've made a real career out of streaming, all thanks to the crazy amount of support I got from the community, combined with the crazy time and effort I put into it. I am thankful for where I am right now.

Okay so what was this post about? Oh right, the tournament LUL. You see, the result doesn't matter to me that much. It is the journey that I value, and I enjoyed every single game! The last-minute drama leaves a bad taste behind, but for now, I want to focus on what matters the most. I had fun, my viewers had fun, maybe we will do this again! <3

Thanks guys.

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