Thoughts on the Pelham-Caledonia game

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Before we start criticizing and placing blame for last night’s 17-1 win for Caledonia over Pelham (where the shots were 103-14), I’d like everyone to consider this: Last season, I was both fortunate and unfortunate enough to have experienced the extremes from both sides of the coin.
On October 17, 2014 as Head Coach of Pelham we lost to the same Caledonia Corvairs 16-1 and were outshot 64-16. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, angry, undeserving and despaired. I’ll never forget how that day felt. I remember walking up to the dressing room before the start of the third period thinking, “What can I possibly say to these players right now?”, and the truth is – there’s nothing you can say to make those feelings go away. We talked about character and strength, courage to continue – that one day, we’d all look back and be proud. Not of the result, but that in the face of adversity – in an unwinnable fight – we got up off the mat and carried on until the bitter end. Maybe that sounds silly to everyone, but until you’ve been in that situation yourself, you have no idea how it feels to be on the wrong end of that result. I swore to myself I’d never want to feel that away again. I’m still proud of those men who fought with me even as our dignity was stripped away from us in such an ugly public display. I wanted so badly to blame the other team – for their lack of mercy, sportsmanship, for the fact that they had built team unfairly that we’d never be able to compete with – which is what many of you may be doing now. That all went away when I experienced the exact opposite almost exactly 5 months later.
On February 13, 2015 as an Assistant Coach with the St. Catharines Falcons (which, how I ended up as is an entirely different story) we beat the very same Pelham team by a score of 17-2. The very same men that I fought with, hurt with, grew with – the ones that I experienced the feeling I never wanted again with – and here I am on the other side of the coin giving them the same public shaming. You might think that in a game like that, the winning team is simply “running up the score” and “padding their stats” – and it’s not completely wrong of you to think that. But there are so many other factors. As a coach of any team, you want to see consistency. Consistency of effort, commitment to the game plan, details – playing the game the right way regardless of who your opponent is. When you’re in a competitive atmosphere on a team that expects to win every night, there is no off switch. Good habits are contagious, bad habits are contagious. So when the score is 8-2, the challenge is to continue to play the game the right way because tomorrow, you may be facing a team you expect to see in the second round of the playoffs. You aren’t playing your opponent at this point – you’re playing a game with yourself. Yes, you start to play the fourth line more and get them some experience, you don’t throw out your top powerplay unit, you stop celebrating goals – I’ve always believed in having respect for the game, your opponent and yourself – but it’s just as difficult for the winning team in so many different ways. Not to mention – you feel BAD for the other players. In many ways, it’s not their fault. We won 17-2 that night and I’d be lying if I said a lot of our players didn’t go home that night with big smiles on their faces because they got 2 or 3 or 4 points – but the same feelings of being embarrassed and undeserving came back – albeit in a different way. It’s a humbling experience and it’s one that I won’t forget. I swore to myself I didn’t ever want to feel that way again either.
Sure, the competitive balance is something that needs to be addressed in our league. There are so distinctly “haves” and “have nots” and I’m lucky enough to be a part of the former and not the latter (for now). That’s something that I know the league will continue to find answers for. But until we find answers, what we should all be looking for instead of blame or to be critical is to be compassionate. There’s no one to blame here.
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes because you never know when you may have to wear them yourself.

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