i tried to make it 185 confessions/facts but i'm too weak so here's 122

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i decided to just make a post through here because i don't want to clog up twitter feed and also i need time to think out what i want to write

checked back now and there are 185 likes but it's been a couple of hours.. i'll try my best to do them all but i feel like i can only do about half without making it too vague

1. the reason why i wanted to do this was through reading other's confessions and they felt really intricate and personal, it made me respect them so much.

2. i was very prone to getting sick when i was a baby, there was a time i had a terrible fever and almost lost hearing in one ear

3. i'm very impulsive, if i want something i'll toss aside anything i have in mind just for that one thing whether it's something i want to buy or something i want to pursue.

4. i gave up a lot of my interests/passions to be able to fit in with others. i regret that a lot.

5. i wish someone would have told me that it's okay to not fit in. there will be people you'll meet eventually with the same interests.

6. i have a hard time taking in compliments and accepting people's words, my family was basically the root of my low self esteem. however, it's getting a lot better now.

7. my family always used to pick at my skin tone and weight so i'd always be insecure. i also hated being in family pictures or any of the sort when i was younger because i hated seeing myself so much.

8. middle school was the worst time i've ever had, this is the time where my depression started.

9. i didn't know anyone in my classes and the "friends" i made turned out to be not the people i thought they were. they basically treated me like an outcast and said disgusting things behind my back.

10. the funny thing is, that in high school they tried to act like nothing happened and wanted to hang out from time to time. none of that happened.

11. i get more offended if someone says something about a friend or family member rather than it directed to me.

12. i'm terrible at approaching people, i'm very shy and end up cutting a conversation short for the first time.

13. but at the same time, i'm pretty open about things once you do get to talk to me i think.

14. also with being bad at approaching people, that's why i tend to just admire from afar because i don't like to be intrusive or annoying.

15. the first two years of high school, i didn't know anyone at all since it was in a different district from where i went to middle school. it was really lonely. everyone knew each other from middle school and i'd just sit in classes quietly waiting to get out.

16. however, i did have a best friend at that time (we were friends ever since elementary school) and i looked forward to every weekend because that's when i got to see her. we're not close anymore at all, but there were really nice memories and it'd be nice if i could just see her again sometime.

17. i try to be more appreciative of everything i have and the people around me, the last thing i want to do is to take things for granted.

18. the last two years of high school were amazing, probably the best school years i had. i made a lot of amazing friends and regret not staying close to a lot of them.

19. the reason why i had a falling out with a lot of people from high school was because after i graduated, i fell into what felt like my lowest point by far.

20. during that time, i cut off contact with anyone i knew for a whole entire month and couldn't find a reason to get out of bed or get up at all. it was a dark time.

21. my first year of college was terrible, was required to dorm, had a random roommate since i didn't know anyone in particular that was going to attend the same university.

22. my grades were pretty terrible for the first year and i didn't know what i was doing. wasn't really used to the idea of studying since i never did it in high school ever. i skipped a lot of classes and my sleeping schedule was terrible so i would sleep through the times i'd have to go.

23. i have a low drive when it comes to things, it comes from the high standards my parents had set.

24. they had high hopes and dreams for me to graduate early, have a high paying career, but the pressure was too much for me to handle and the idea of failure just made me not want to try at all.

25. i either give it my all or nothing, there is no in between. i have a fear of failure or not being able to complete something so if i know there's a slight chance i won't be able to do it, i won't try it at all.

26. i was always told that we moved to america because of my brother and i, but it turned out to be a more personal reason of my father's. when i found out, it was kind of earth shattering.

27. the reason why is because my parents always told me i needed to work hard and blame me for not trying hard enough and that i was part of the reason why we moved here in the first place. it was pretty much a lie.

28. despite everything, my mom has been with me through all of my faults and she's the one i appreciate the most. basically the one who made me feel like i'm loved.

29. my mom calls me her best friend because she has no one else to talk to because there aren't a lot of people she can talk to or has friends to really speak with ever since moving here- she's basically mine too since i talk to her about anything.

30. relationships were really difficult for me in the past because of my first experience because i was lied to.

31. i don't easily get into things because i'm the type of person who will stay on it for a really long time whether it's games, series, etc.

32. that being said, pokemon is probably what i've stuck with the longest. i played red version when i was like 6 and had no idea of what to really do.

33. i was pretty patient as a child, i remember training my dragonair until dragonite in the little grass area beneath ecruteak city in pokemon crystal LOL

34.my favorite of all time is 2nd gen (g/s/c) because it was the first game i fully understood how to play and beat. lugia and umbreon were my favorite. they still are with addition to a few!

35. i started drawing at an early age i think most of them were really poorly drawn pikachus. i still have a sketchbook that has a bunch of poorly drawn pokemon...

36. i got interested in drawing digitally when oekaki boards were a thing and drew with my mouse up until 11th grade when my mom got me a tablet for a present.

37. i still use that tablet now, it's still going on strong even after my dog chewed through the whole wire when he was 2 months old. props to my dad being able to fix it...

38. i really admire my dad for all of the practical things he can do, it seems like he can fix anything or know how to do things off the bat with confidence. i lack in that department a lot.

39. i believe that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. until they give you a reason not to treat them kindly.

40. i give my trust to all of my friends because i think they're deserving of it. if something happens, then we can still talk, but i'll be unwilling to share anything personal anymore.

41. i'm the worst procrastinator i know by far, it's gotten to a point where i just don't care until the last minute it's due and it's a bit scary...

42. my sleeping schedule has been terrible since i was young, i'd stay up reading and finishing a book in elementary school to like 2-3 am, then in middle school i had access to a laptop so i'd browse the internet forever until morning and in high school sometimes i'd just never sleep and go to school.

43. i'm super stingy regarding spending money for myself, but if it's for a friend i won't hesitate to go all out.

44. the reason why i'm also terrible at holding conversation is because i never ask questions of my own, i only ask them back. for some reason i can't think of questions to ask people at all.

45. i often forget to weigh the dangers of a situation and am kind of reckless. i'm very lucky that nothing has happened to me because of that.

46. sometimes it feels a bit lonely to not have someone that i can call a best friend, but my close friends are the best people i know and am really grateful for all of them.

47. i hardly ever go out with friends when i'm home. whenever i'm travelling is the best time for me.

48. this year's summer was probably the most memorable one yet and the best one. i got to spend time with fantastic people i love.

49. i started league of legends in high school because a friend who moved to a different state wanted us to do something together. i quit in like 2 weeks.

50. but after a few months i started playing again, it was on/off for a couple of months and i got my account to level 30 eventually.. i only played with a laptop touchpad

51. i've met some of my closest friends at the moment through league. when i think about it it's kind of amazing how long i've stuck with this game and got to know so many people because of it

52. twitter is probably my favorite social media because it's so convenient and casual, and i got to know a lot of people through it.

53. i'm always super flattered when someone says they like what i do or draw because it makes the time and effort seem worthwhile, it keeps me going.

54. it wasn't until this year my makeup collection suddenly expanded, something about the packaging and good products just makes me unable to resist buying it..

55. i basically keep everything i get, even down to the box it came in or the card. i keep it all

56. i have a thing for reminiscing the past and good memories. so i'm basically a hoarder for packages, gifts, cards, and looking back at them every once in a while.

57. i don't play many mobile games because they always have some sort of perk if you spend money and i fall easily into that kind of thing.

58. i really enjoy watching makeup tutorials i can watch them over and over, it's so magical and i love seeing the transformation.

59. up until college i had clear skin, then i started actually stressing out and i have to take care of my skin so it doesn't get bad.

60. it's really hard for me to deal with anxiety, it makes a lot of situations worse than what they have to be for me, it usually makes it so that i push off dealing with it further

61. public speaking is a nightmare for me. i can't handle it.

62. i don't really enjoy sweets as much as savory food! however ice cream i'll always make an exception for..

63. my favorite thing to get fast food wise is a good burger and fries.. i do love chicken but good burgers are just so memorable!

64. i prefer mint chocolate or dark chocolate over any other types because they're too sweet to handle for me.

65. i like drinking coffee, it tastes really good to me but my stomach gets really upset whenever i do and it's terrible

66. my digestive system really sucks, whenever i wake up i get super nauseous and it takes hours to get over.

67. when i was in high school, i struggled with weight issues to the point where i ate so little to the point of exhaustion and was prone to fainting.

68. but now i came over it and eat what i like to eat without minding it too much which i thought would never happen actually.

69. i'm really lazy and i don't work out ever because if i don't have someone to work out with then it's hard for me to motivate myself to go to the gym.

70. i like to be independent because that's how my mom raised me. she taught me that i need to be happy and successful myself instead of worrying about others, it'll all come naturally after you make yourself happy.

71. winter is my favorite season because the cold air is super crisp and fresh, i really like the smell of outdoors, it brings back memories to when i used to go out and play in the snow haha. since i hardly go out now

72. i really enjoy seeing places all festive it's just so uplifting and makes me happy!

73. from time to time i like to write letters to people but tend to never send them because i look at how terrible my handwriting is and leave it there.

74. after starting to draw digitally, i pretty much stopped drawing traditionally, i regret it a lot but i go back to it from time to time now.

75. i was a super spoiled child, my dad treated me like a princess and got me everything i wanted. in the end my parents don't regret doing that at all since i earn and buy everything on my own.

76. family is super important to me but i don't think i would ever have children. i don't see myself dealing with them in the future at all

77. math is the easiest subject for me to understand, english was also one of my best courses but i can't see myself majoring in either of those.

78. i will only drink socially, i can't enjoy alcohol by myself.

79. i rarely get to the point where i get drunk, it's either nothing happens or i end up drinking too much and throw up.

80. however there was a time recently at a party where i actually got drunk to the point i thought my friend's sock covered foot was her dog and started petting it

81. i have terrible motion sickness. i can't play or watch fps games, first person games, even third person games with the views changing.

82. this also applies to getting car sick, sea sick.. i can't read or do anything in the car or else i'll start to get nauseous and my head starts spinning.

83. i'll never get into smoking cigarettes because i've seen how the addiction affects a person throughout time through my own eyes

84. i made the trip to go to anime expo on sort of a whim last year, i'm glad i decided to table, i got to meet a lot of great people through it and feel free from where i live for a while.

85. this year was even better because i got to see porter robinson perform for anime expo!

86. porter robinson is hands down my favorite of all time, hearing his music and being able to see him perform is totally different, it's incredible

87. i get attached to things really easily, it's really devastating for me to lose anything and not being able to find it again.

88. when i buy things sometimes i don't even use it, i feel like it's too precious to use or it looks too pretty for me to ruin. i have a lot of things sitting around collecting dust and i spent good money on it, but it's not being used because i'm afraid of using it

89. i'm a very messy person, everything is scattered in my desk/work space and room, but i know where everything is. my desk in elementary school was a nightmare i'd have a bunch of loose papers and things in it

90. i love sharing things with others and it makes me so happy when they like something i make them try

91. i don't give half hearted compliments, if i say it then i really mean it.

92. there was a time someone accused me of getting plastic surgery in high school because i changed so much from middle school..

93. which was because i just lost weight and that did a lot for me.

94. if i had the option to get plastic surgery i would, though.

95. if you insult someone based on their physical appearance, that's the lowest of the low to me, and lose my respect

96. my vision's perfectly fine but i like to wear lenses because i like how it looks. also it makes me look less mean

97. i have a habit of sniffing my food before i eat it.. i feel like it just enhances the food experience for me and i can appreciate it fully

98. that being said i try to be really sneaky about it if i'm with other people or in public

99. i used to be super competitive in the sense it would all be in my head, i'd compare myself to others and usually it brought me down more than it did up.

100. i've never gotten a single piercing in my life even though i've wanted to forever because of my dad, he's really strict about it

101. sleep paralysis comes to me very so often, it's one of the most horrifying things i've experienced

102. i don't enjoy sleeping much because most dreams start out in a terrible way

103. lucid dreaming is what saves me from jolting awake most of the times. i don't know when i first started doing it but i'm really glad i am able to do it

104. i had a super negative outlook on people and life during middle/high school, i'm glad to have gotten over that phase, i hurt a lot of people's feelings because of it.

105. words don't get to me easily when it's from a random person from the internet, but when it's someone i know of i'll never forget it and it hurts the most.

106. i really want to move out and live on my own. i feel like i'll learn a lot that way and realize how grateful i should be for a lot of things, and that i probably take a lot for granted without realizing it.

107. i love baking, i used to do it all the time in high school. it's not hard, but it's something i'm pretty good at

108. i'll always remember a negative comment despite it being in a sea of positive/neutral ones. i hate how i always let it leave an impression on me

109. i've been working on being more positive in general, it seems so simple to be positive towards others but hundreds of times harder towards yourself.

110. i get hooked onto luck of the draw types of things, like love live card draws or csgo case openings even though i don't play the game..

111. the thought of going out to events appeal to me and i always have high expectations for them that it usually ends up as a let down or tires me out too much

112. i feel as if i don't show enough appreciation for my friends so from time to time i send them a message telling them how grateful i am for being able to talk to them and call them a friend

113. i like people too easily, but i also lose interest very quickly

114. i don't judge people based off what i've heard about them because they could all be nasty lies or rumors, besides, they haven't gotten the chance to show me who they are. that's just unfair

115. my dms are open because of commissions, but if people feel like they want to vent or someone to talk to because of a problem i'm all for it

116. people who dm me for anything else, i just ignore it or delete it if they're not a friend.

117. i'm terrible at keeping up with conversation because i feel like my responses make it too boring, sometimes i wait a while to respond to figure out what to say or because i don't know what to say if they reply quickly

118. i always like photos of others i see on my twitter feed, being confident enough to post a picture of yourself and liking it enough to do so makes me happy to see and i feel like they should feel good about what they post

119. every time i feel down or stressed out i always turn to retail therapy and it actually does wonders to my mood. something about acquiring new things

120. i'm a super sensitive person so i tend to act out my emotions, it's something i wish i could really fix. it's really easy to tell when i'm upset, i cry easily. (especially when i see animal videos? they never fail to make me cry)

121. in terms of what i think love is in a relationship, i've loved one person

122. needless to say, i'm super thankful that i got to know this person and spend time with them, they made my summer/end half of the year unforgettable


sorry i really ran out of things to say so i'm stopping it at here!! it took me a while to think of everything @_@ thanks for reading if you did i commend you for sitting through all of this!!!

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