I'm drunk as fuck sitting in front sitting in of a storage unit in the middle of van nuys, ca. Alright by Kendrick Lamar is playing. I should be dead or in jail at this point in my life. For some reason I'm still alive and free. I haven't recorded a song in over two months. Ive been living from couch to couch. My best friend is mad at me because I "sneak dissed" my other "best friend" on Twitter. I was the number one prospect of "who is next" in the "hip hop game" and now I live in a world filled with doubt.

I'm now working a 9 to 5 in downtown la to help pay the bills of a place that I have yet to find. I'm my own worst enemy. I've been taking advantage of people that see my potential and are willing to help me. I usually don't see that I am taking advantage of them until they have had enough of me and they choose to step out of my life. I've been taking Molly, sipping lean, drinking, smoking cigs, I've been blacked out. I've been literally participating in the world of "sin". The dark side. But there is a bright ass light that shines inside of me through the seams of darkness which is why I think people initially love me. But eventually the dark takes over.

I don't know what I'm doing but I know that I want to make music. I know that music is inside of me. I know that I can't go more than 5 minutes without music playing. I know that I want to give back to the word that has been giving to me. I know I will give back with music but I don't know how that is going to happen. I don't know my plan. I've watched countless people around me blow the fuck up. I am missing something. Myself. I'm trying to find that.

I know that I'm tired of all the "same" shit. I know that I want to be different even though I've lived my whole life trying to fit in. I'm sitting on a couple records that I know are amazing but I'm holding out for a perfect project. The concept that I have for the project is amazing I just don't have the mental energy to put it all together as perfectly as I want to. I'm weird as fuck. I'm confused. I lack love. Real love. I lack a love deep enough to reach down into my darkness and bring me to the light. I lack self love. Sometimes I sit on Hollywood Blvd and people watch. I see people that have their name on stars that are on Hollywood Blvd. I also see people sleeping on those stars. In life, I am somewhere in between those two kinds of people.

I'm figuring it out. Either way, while I'm figuring it out,. I will continue to put music out. So fuck with it or don't. #DOT

Btw. I love Bobby. End of the day. But i will voice my actual opinion on social media and in real life. who cares? Young Jesus is fire. Like whoa sounds like Kendrick. He knows the shit, he doesn't care. Fuck it.

The world is black, white and grey.

Night, day and sunset/sunrise.

Stay tuned for the next black out.

Love,
Chris.

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