Quest-verse: Talking Over Memories of Thedas.




After http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sncgo7

Elenaria's memories are hurting her, Shangraile helps.

@SilmarilNaro @Gyrfalconsheart
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Kizár

The hour was late enough for the greater part of Erebor's people to be well asleep, the halls mostly dark, light only in the watchposts of the guardsmen as Kizár made her way down to the training hall. The dwarf entered but it was the Grey Warden who walked across the ground, absently rolling her shoulders before attacking a training dummy with a brutal fury that would surprise most.

The training dummy finally gave way under her unrelenting onslaught, pieces finally clattering to the stone as she turned on another, almost not seeing to bright glow of runes on her blade. The second dummy barely survived three hits before flame leaped to engulf the thing, leaving Elenaria to stand staring at it, the fire that set it off still dancing across her blade.

Looking at a third dummy a frown crossed her face, and with a single hard move it was also engulfed in more fire before she proceeded to hack it to burning pieces and then collapse against a wall

Her dreams had been getting to her, reminding her of all the war and death that driven her to depression in Thedas, eventually abandoning her Wardens to hide in Gwaren, this time also leaving behind the wreckage of the body she had also abandoned.

Thedas had hurt her. She had grown attached to the people there, only to see them turn on each other, to slaughter people for simply wanting a life that was not made up of constant fear. She had been able to cope with it while Kélan had been there but once he was gone...

And even now she could not escape those memories and she could not do as she had before, pushing them away burying them so deep she did not even let herself remember, that was what made dealing with them now so difficult.


Shangraile

Shangraile had heard the noise when one of the dummies gave way, but he had not made his presence seen while she carved her way through the second, third and following dummies. Elenaria's rage was fierce, fiery... and very radiant. At first he had not intended to let her know that he was there, for she had a right to work out her feelings without anyone observing and chatting about it.

He understood anger all too well, pain and frustration were things every warrior experienced as the years passed. He well remembered how he himself had felt on that bitter long retreat, having failed to live up to an oath he had sworn... having come so close to turning this around. In those days he'd have loved to have a few careless elves wander his path, or preferably some haughty Edain to carve up... the years had dulled those feelings and he had found a measure of peace again. But time was not the healer foolish men claimed her to be.

And what he saw in Elenaria was pain, pure and simple pain. He did not know from what, but then her life had enough pain and loss of her own. Though he guessed that a certain stubborn dwarf King was at fault - maybe someone should feed him to the Deep Watchers before he could be crowned. His favourite son seemed far more pliable.

When the fifth dummy went down Shangraile jumped off his hiding spot on a ledge and walked up to her. "You need dummies made from stronger stuff... like steel." he quipped, though the words echoed a long lost moment in Thedas.


Kizár

Elenaria turned, swords still at the ready for a moment before she let the fall, seeing it as Shangraile there. There were still a lot of stiff feelings between the sides of the royal family, a measure of distrust, particularly from Thorin. It did not surprise Elenaria that her dreams had become worse with the underlying stress, in some ways it reminded her of the constant undercurrent that had existed in the Circle, and in Angband as well.

"Perhaps Dwalin would consider dressing a few in scraps of old armour, it would make an effective training tool to work with that way," she said, trying to inject some levity into her tone. She doubted it worked, she sounded tired and depressed to her own ears.


Shangraile

"Usually a living opponent is the best way to practice... or vent some anger." Shangraile replied, walking up closer. He had gotten used to both her forms - the very cute dwarf girl and the elf Warden that would remind him of Thedas whenever he saw her. They had not met there, though he had heard of her. She was different from the dwarf girl, less cute but more regal, and yet in both she had such kind eyes. "Or maybe I should show you the best secret of any good practice yard?" He kept his voice gentle, having heard the exhaustion in hers.


Kizár

"Oh? What would that be then?" Elenaria could not help asking, moving to set the sword in her left in a spot so she could lean on it a little. The sword slipped as the floor did not have anything for it to catch in and she decided it would be better sheathed properly.


Shangraile

"Come along, Shangraile put a hand on her shoulder, like he would with a comrade and steered her towards the back of the practice rooms, where the weapon racks hid several niches in the stone. Any good practice yard had a few hiding spots, places where comrades could talk, work out problems, or hold a wounded comrade until the worst was passed without anyone seeing. It was what kept a troop sane to lean on one another, and whether the dwarves understood it or not, Dwalin might have learned in the East how often such sanity was the cobweb upholding the chandelier. He gentle took her sheathed sword along with his own and leaned them against an empty rack, before drawing her down to sit with him inside the rock niche. "The best thing on a good practice place, are the hidey-holes." he said with a small smile. "The places were no one can see you... and where you can tell what pains you so much."


Kizár

The niche seemed to be minimally carved, with the walls still moderately rough, though a bench where people could sit smoothed out to show the dark green rock that prevailed in the central parts of the city. Elenaria settled on the bench, looking at Shangraile, a little unsure about how to speak of the memories that were giving her trouble, again.

"I don't... I guess with family strain and everything going on for the coronation I have been feeling stressed. It has been coming back to in dreams, mostly of my latter years in Thedas."


Shangraile

Shangraile settled beside her, leaning back against the rock, eyes on the girl sitting beside him. "While I agree that the royal family proves that familial happiness and House Durin are as much strangers as they were in the past, I doubt it is the stress that is getting to you." he observed, studying others came with holding command over others, and he had learned much about it on his travels. "I think it is the emotional tear, the way they are capable of hurting one another... and hurting you, that brings back pains, old and new."


Kizár

"That may be so," Elenaria conceded. "That there are some amongst those who were on the quest who want to argue over every little thing either Losá or I do... and Thorin seems to listen to them quite a lot, I feel a little like I'm stuck in the same murky politics I used to see in Thedas... and most of what I saw was only Ferelden politics at that." She pulled her knees up so she could rest her chin on them. "I am trying to stay out of the way, I do not think it would do well to pick a fight at this point, but I can't help think it is going to get worse when Dáin's party arrives, his wife and Glóin's are sisters and a lot of the talk in Thorin's ear seems to be coming from Glóin."


Shangraile

"And that talk worries you," Shangraile could see that Elenaria's heart was invested in this family, and Durin's House was prone to hurt themselves and those they loved, luck was nothing they possessed in meaningful quantities, but they were very capable at self-destruction, and nothing of that had changed since the first age. Still... putting her fears in words might help. "You fear what Gloin's words will achieve? Even though they might be influential, there are a few things he cannot get around. Thorin, for all his stubbornness is no one's fool, much as he is incapable to deal with his own feelings." He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Something in Thedas hurt you, didn't it? Pained you so much, that it keep coming back to you in your dreams."


Kizár

"It's not really Glóin who concerns me, as it is Grís and Grísela," Elenaria started to explain. "I only have word of others who know Grísela somewhat better, but I have heard that she is a manipulator, working behind the scenes to control things, usually by setting up marriages to girls under her influence." The language she spoke shifted into Thedosian, as was a habit of hers when she talked about that world. "It reminds me of things I had to watch happening in Thedas, the way the Circle set out to destroy the College of Enchanters, Divine Victoria ending turning her back on the manuscripts from the Temple of the Sacred Ashes... she and that *mage* even tried to demand Alissa hand over her sword - my sword," her new Eru Náro reappeared in her hand and she absently ran finger along the glowing runes, "and threatened to go to war against Ferelden over what? A sword they denied belonged to Andraste? More likely because they did not want to face that they went against the true wishes of their supposed prophet and wanted to hide the evidence-" There was a small choke of held-back tears that cut off her litany.


Shangraile

Shangraile easily remembered many of the things that she referred to. It had been the first world he had been stranded in, and freshly re-shaped into the body of his youth he had not always been patient with the struggles of faith and doubt he saw in the man and the women he had been landed with. Cassandra had been pragmatic, but lacked vision, Leliana had been weak, unable to see that faith and sacrifice were a path that went together and Vivienne... he did not want to go there. "I should have had her assassinated, Vivienne that is," Shangraile said, wrapping an arm around Elenaria, when he heard the hiccup bordering on tears. It was a gesture out of habit partially, an offer to make to a wounded comrade. "but from the time I was there I doubt that truth and faith were ever the same in Thedas."


Kizár

Elenaria smiled a sad smile as she leaned into Shangraile's side, letting her sword fall to the floor with a clatter she paid little attention to. "I know when I wrote to you in response to Leliana's letter, that I thought Cassandra sounded like a more reliable person than Lils and her eagerness to tear down the Circles and shove the manuscripts into the public eye... I came to think I was wrong about that, that *I* should have had more faith in Lils..." she shook her head even as she said it. "I think even so, Lils would have caused a schism that would have been just as bad, and Vivienne would have done her scheming best to take advantage of it..." For a moment she fought the tears again. "Levyn and Daylen would still have ended up dead when someone decided the mages we hid at Soldier's Peak were too much of a threat."


Shangraile

"Your advise was valuable to me back then," Shangraile admitted, "but I also had made up my mind, I did not trust Vivienne, and I was sorely tempted to have her assassinated more than once." For someone who had served inside Angband and who had learned a few things about appropriate treachery it had been easier he supposed. "Cassandra was not ideal, but she was pragmatic, if somewhat impulsive. I think Lils.... my opinion of Leliana suffered from the first real conversation we had. It took me much time and journeys to know now that my world and hers had been too different from one another to easily understand." He looked at her as she had snuggled against him. Neither the name Levyn nor Daylen rung any bell though.


Kizár

"I know she had crisis of faith then, and Losá was stuck unable to respond to letters until after you closed the Breach the first time." She fell silent for a moment, a hand resting on Shangraile's chest, listening to echo of her fire within him. "I did consider going to Haven, for the Conclave, but I thought with all my Wardens hearing something that seemed like the Calling, that was more important. I wonder if I'd been there, I could have helped it work out better... I might have at least been able to concentrate my attention on the mages, most mages had little idea of how to live outside the Circles, and often not a lot of care to know either."


Shangraile

"Crisis of faith?" Shangraile arched an eyebrow. "She did not understand that serving a higher power, a God if you will, does not mean that power will protect you always. Oh, it will grant you powers and skills beyond your own, but it will not shield you from pain, it will not protect you in the hands of the enemy and it will sacrifice you when the time comes. When she spoke of Justinia, asked why the Creator to let her die... I only could tell her that it was Justinia's privilege to die for her Divine." He stopped more words, that first conversation had changed all that followed, Shangraile had never been able to trust someone who professed to believe but was not willing to bear all that came with it. "Had you been there... it all would have been different. You'd have been a wiser leader and would have the better understanding of what was happening. I made it up as I went, the Breach was something I could deal with, Demons I could slaughter, and the Rifts were a problem of magic and power... but Thedas politics was an enemy I could not simply go and kill. Maybe I should have tried to learn more from Ravin after we returned to the Empire."


Kizár

"How old were you by the time you got back?" Elenaria asked rhetorically. "For all the rituals that extended life, you were not a young man by then and it does not surprise me that you were not interested into jumping into imperial politics at that point." She looked up at him for a moment, before settling her head on his shoulder. "I think the memories keep coming back to me because I don't want to end up losing another family like I did back then. First Kélan left, then soon after the attack on Soldier's Keep - Levyn was like a brother to me, I knew him right back to the Circle, and Daylen was the brother of another friend I'd had back then, Emilia Amell, a cousin of Garrett Hawke's in fact. I lost three of the people I was closest to outside my sisters, and then had the Wardens try to take command of the Vigil from Nathaniel as well... I lost it at that point, tore into the interlopers and deliberately bated them into killing me... took them down with me too, and made sure my stoneform got sent to Gwaren afterwards. I left having to face the rest of the world up to my sisters at that point, Thedas had already taken too much from me."


Shangraile

The pain in her voice, the sadness prompted Shangraile to move a little to put both arms protectively around her, cradling her against him. He could feel her silky hair brush against his sword-calloused hand. "I was seventeen when I was called to serve in Angband, and I was older than one-hundred and fifty when the War of Wrath came... after that I felt older than I can say." He leaned slightly forward, just enough to make their hug comfortable. "I had to live out another century, ere the blessings faded and I was able to die. In that time my comrades founded the Empire as it stands today, they founded the Cult of the Lord of Nights.... and many other things. My own life became legend... for things I had done and one I tried but failed to do. I wasn't what they saw in me, so in time I withdrew from the Heartlands to live up in the Mountains, where I still could see the stars shining out in the Night."

He was very much tempted to stroke her dark hair, but did not, just held her. "Rayaél," almost by instinct he reverted to the name he had once given the fallen star, "I know how much loving and losing hurts, it tears your heart apart, every single time... but if we stop caring, if we stop allowing us to become close, if we kill our heart in order to be invulnerable... we die a slow death and what we become along the way is worse even. You were blessed and cursed with the gift of the Eternal Life, Rayaél, but for your heart being able to still care, your world would become darker and emptier than even the void."


Kizár

The name was something she remembered right back to those times in Angband. Shangraile had had names he called both her and Elenlossë. Elennárë had already, by that time, half-buried the memories of Thedas, but receiving a name from the young soldier had gone far to allow her to trust again after so long. "I tried to block out the memories of my time in Thedas, and it helped in the Deep Fire, as the spirits there could not get to that as well. I still had to remember in the end, to fight the dragon, and to recognise who Kíli was..." She looked up. "I remember that name, it was what made me willing to try and trust you, after I had already half-buried the memories of letter to a struggling Inquisitor." She followed her words with a squeeze, tightening her arms around him in a hug. "I'm glad your path brought you back here again."


Shangraile

"Rayaél," Shangraile repeated the name softly. Back then, when - in his perspective he had first met her, in her perspective she had already met him past his first death. "it means Lady of the Stars in my native language." It was the name he had thought of, when he had first heard her sing and glimpsed the bright ghost wandering the dark fortress. She had reminded him of the stories his people would tell about the Nargûn and the Stars, back home at the shores of the far-off Inland Seas, that in the dark ashen days of Angband seemed to be worlds away. He raised a hand, to gently coax her to look up. "During my journey I used to tell people that I was seeking a fallen star, when they asked about me, and... I think deep down I knew I had to find you again."


Kizár

"Fallen star... that makes me think more of Losá, but then I guess all three of us fell, in different ways." Elenaria said softly. "You've found me now, so I suppose we just have to work out where the path goes on from here..."


Shangraile

One day he would tell her of the stories his people used to tell, on how Nargûn fell in love with the stars and would wander to the East to cross the sea of the void, how it was three stars who brought him back to the world. They had been beautiful stories, maybe he had to think so, and maybe it was true, maybe it was that his people had dared to dream of this world believing themselves alone in the wide lands of the East. Leaning closer, so their foreheads touched in almost dwarven fashion, he smiled. "One answer I do know - I will be here to protect you until I die or the Gates of Night break to end the world," he did not know how long her powers would keep him alive, but after having died and come back more than a dozen times, death really had stopped worrying him. There was one being in the world that had made her claim on his soul quite powerfully, and he'd accept that claim. "As for the rest... I hope we can be friends, in spite of my past."


Kizár

"Friend..." Elenaria murmured. "I already thought of you as such, and I do hope you will be around for a long time yet." She gave him a gentle smile. "And Dark is not always an evil thing. The night sky is dark but it holds the stars, and I do not think you are quite the same Dark as you once were. All those worlds you wandered have changed that much."


Shangraile

Her words made him smile, even more the realization that she had forgiven him his past. He cared about her, and about her opinion, while he'd gladly tell any of her brothers to go and wait until the last battle came, they'd fight it out there. But her... that was different. Maybe because she had touched his heart, long before any other person had, maybe that night in that dark hallway had done, what another - long dead - person had claimed and sealed parts of his heart forever. "Friends," he repeated, "friends is always a good place to begin."


Kizár

Elenaria's peaceful smile at that was broken by a yawn she could not halt. "I think I need to sleep soon, would you, as my friend, mind escorting me back to my quarters?" She asked with an impish grin.


Shangraile

There was that smile, that small impish grin he had come to adore. He rose to his feet, helping her up and gathering up their weapons. While they walked back, he still kept an arm around her shoulder. The dwarves did not recognize her and should her brothers complain... they still could have a quiet dueling match somewhere quiet.


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