About today's Smite games, and my anger:
This is not by any means an apology or excuse for the way I acted or do act.
I get literally HUNDREDS of messages a month from people I don't know and whom I've never interacted with asking to play. Asking for coaching, asking for tips. Dozens of people join me on my mumble server to ask questions about the game and learn what little I have to teach.
So, when a person REPEATEDLY ignores calls, and then says "Sorry I had to do something" as an excuse to why he's messing the game up, I'm gonna get mad. And yes, I'm going to pause to tell him to straighten the fuck out, cause someone who sent a message, or put him/herself out there to be ignored or rejected, who actually wanted to play to learn could have taken a spot that a person who clearly didn't care to have had taken, I get very annoyed.
That person also sent a message later on apologizing, saying "I wanna say that I'm sorry that i was being stupid and not caring about the games that I was involved in."
It's disruptive to me and my streams. I play with very specific ideas to maximize performance. I don't always have the luxury, as does no one, to play with 4 others with whom I'm familiar enough to be on comms with, and to have chemistry with.
So when it comes to stuff like this, and I invite subs or jcomm members or viewers, they KNOW that they're expected to pay attention, or they're getting banned from the games. So when I paused to straighten him out, know that he tried a lot harder.
If you don't like my content or the way I act, don't watch me. I don't do patch days for you. I do patch days to explore and exploit as much as I can, so that I can keep myself as close to the top of the meta as I can, without access to constant scrims or players feeding me strategies. It's homework and research and it's important to me. You may see it as just a game, and you may see it as ridiculous that I get angry, but that's me. I can't change that. I don't have a switch that says stop being passionate about everything I love. I can't separate myself from it, and I have no intentions to.
If you ask someone who loves me and someone who hates me why they feel the way they do, it will always be the same answer: "He's too passionate." The difference is some see it as strength and the others see it as absurdity.
I'm here to tell you I don't care which it is in your regard.
I love what I do, and I love dedicating myself to gaming. Not just Smite. GAMING. I have loved it since before a lot of you were born. I have always been loud, abrasive, and I don't know how to change it. I don't know that I would.
What I do know is that there are an awful lot of you who claim to hate me so much, and yet, you just can't seem to stop discussing me. I block, ban and do my best to get you away from me and out of my life. Please be kind and do the same.
To those who support, I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow. <3