꿀벌 pcy · @jonginmypocket
30th Jun 2015 from TwitLonger
because @chankaiprompts has completely taken over my life.
Prompt: jongin grabs onto chanyeol's wrist and drags him away from his conversation, sick of being ignored and wanting his hyung's attention back
(https://twitter.com/chankaiprompts/status/601780982459555840)
Jongin's fuming. Anyone within a five-metre radius can easily see it--how his chest heaves with every inhale, and how his frown deepens every other second. But no one can tell why, no one other than Sehun and himself. Not Kyungsoo, who's usually intuitive about things like this, or the current leaders of the group Joonmyun and Yixing, or even Chanyeol, who used to know every feeling Jongin felt or might feel. Chanyeol, who is the cause now, for Jongin's bad mood.
Even the thought and sight of the lanky member with the Yoda-like ears makes his stomach upset. Then again, Jongin's used to this weird, whirling feeling in his gut whenever Chanyeol pops up in front of him, or simply in his head. He doesn't really know what it is, but it's hard to figure it out when the older barely talks to him now.
Jongin hadn't even realized how much it bothered him until Sehun brought it up a couple weeks ago. He knows it wasn't the maknae's intention to make him this angry, that he was just making an observation, but if Jongin had a dollar for every time he wished Sehun hadn't mentioned anything, there truly wouldn't be enough space in the dorm to keep the money he's earned.
What had seemed like a harmless comment didn't take very long to get to Jongin, and soon he was living every day with Sehun's stupid voice in his head, chanting "Seems like Chanyeol hyung's gotten over his 'Kai's Biggest Fan' phase" whenever it got too quiet around him. Much like it is now, because Kyungsoo isn't much of a talker backstage and Sehun knows Jongin is mad at him, too, and the impossibly loud Park Chanyeol is with the rest of the group, deep in conversation with his fellow beagles.
They're huddled around the cameras, judging the shots from before, talking about things Jongin can't make out, laughing at something Jongin can't see. He remembers a time when Chanyeol would drag him into every conversation he was having, even when he was on the phone or on a Skype call with his parents. He remembers, too, how the older would pull Jongin by the wrists mid-sentence, sometimes forcing him to join in the discussion and other times bringing him away from their friends.
But out of all these times though, Jongin can't remember an instance where the taller didn't hold him close, like he was afraid to lose the younger if he ever let go. Nowadays it seems like it barely matters how far Jongin is from him. It's not fair, missing Chanyeol this much when they see each other almost everyday.
And it's not fair, either, when Jongin strides over to the cameras and grabs Chanyeol's by the wrist, wordlessly dragging him away from the group and towards the other side of the room. Chanyeol doesn't even protest, and his skin feels nice and familiar against Jongin's, but the other looks exasperated, maybe even exhausted. It shows on his face a lot lately whenever Jongin calls out to him, or when they spend time together too long.
Jongin hates how that look makes him feel like he only brings negativity upon Chanyeol, who has /Happiness Delight/ so blatantly tattooed on his wrist. How it gives him butterflies when Chanyeol says even one unscripted word to him or when he flashes Jongin even the smallest of unbidden smiles. It makes him feel like the worst person alive, and yet the luckiest when he gets even the tiniest bit of attention from the older.
"What do you want, Jongin?" Chanyeol asks when the younger abruptly stops in his tracks, just inches before the wall.
It sounds almost like a sigh, and every ounce of anger vanishes in an instant. Jongin forgets why he'd thought it was necessary to take Chanyeol away from his friends, or what he'd been planning to say during their brief walk. His prior thoughts seem to have abandoned him. Whatever they were, surely they didn't matter when Jongin's mere presence seems to bother Chanyeol so much.
"N-nothing. I'm sorry," Jongin ends up stammering, averting his gaze so he can't see the look on Chanyeol's face soften at his words.
"Come on," Chanyeol pries, "what was so important that you had to interrupt and drag me here?"
/Interrupt./ Jongin can't quite recall the last time Chanyeol said he was interrupting. It was always "What is it, Jonginnie?" or "No, Jongin, you could never interrupt me," or even "You always come first, Jonginnie," It slowly comes back to him, why they're here now at the wrong side of the room and why his hand is still wrapped around Chanyeol's wrist.
"Do you.. hate me or something?"
"Why would you /ask/ me that?"
Jongin forces himself to look up. It's relieving, at least, to see that Chanyeol isn't as irritated as before, though his current expression is a little hard to place. It almost looks like he's...
"No, why would you even /think/ that?" Chanyeol rephrases, pinching the skin between his eyebrows. "I could never hate you, Jonginnie."
He doesn't miss the way his heart leaps at that, and how it tingles where he's still touching Chanyeol, warm and smooth against his own prickling skin. "Just seems like you're having a hard time tolerating me lately. I know it's stupid, but I really miss having you act like my biggest fan."
Chanyeol scoffs. "Right. It was all just an act."
Jongin frowns. Something about Chanyeol's reaction doesn't make sense to him.
"God, you still haven't figured it out, have you?"
"Figured /what/ out?"
The older wiggles his arm out of Jongin's hold and traces the ink on them. /Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re/ Jongin doesn't know the correct way to pronounce those words, but he knows how they sound coming from Chanyeol's lips, and that's good enough for him.
The meaning is more important, anyway, and he remembers the day Chanyeol had explained all of his tattoos to him, how they'd maybe spent a good 15 minutes discussing about the words and shapes on the older's body. Jongin had traced every inked line and letter then, somewhat entranced by how they looked on Chanyeol. They'd been sitting so close on Jongin's bed, close enough that they were breathing in each other's air as they talked, so close that their voices became softer and softer, until they were all but whispering their words.
And there had been a moment, when they had looked in each other's eyes, heads tilted, lips quivering, that Jongin thought Chanyeol might have wanted to...
"Whatever," Chanyeol mutters now, bringing Jongin back to the present. He shakes his head. "Forget it, Jonginnie. It's probably better that you don't know."
"No, it's not."
"I think it is," Chanyeol says, and there's something final in his voice, suggesting that Jongin should give up on the matter, that any and every argument would be futile. Chanyeol starts to shift then, hesitating only for a while before he completely turns away.
But Jongin doesn't /want/ to give up. Not on making Chanyeol feel better, nor on their friendship or whatever it is they have between them now. Not when he still has a chance, and while they're still in the group. Not ever.
"Is it because I wanted to kiss you?"
Chanyeol turns his head so fast he must be seeing stars. "Y-you did?"
"Is that why you don't give me that much attention now? Because you're afraid I might take it the wrong way, that I might try to kiss you again?"
"Jong-jongin, you can't just talk about kissing me in a room with people from the magazine and their cameras around." Chanyeol is facing him once more, bow legs bent slightly so he can meet Jongin at eye-level, big hands atop Jongin's shoulders. "What if they hear you?"
"I don't care, Chanyeol. All I care about now is how I feel like I don't really have you in my life despite us living under the same roof, and how I know it's my fault for not talking about my feelings first and scaring you away that day. But it's not so bad, hyung. Maybe I like you, maybe I don't. I don't really know. All I know is that you're a great friend, and I sometimes think about kissing you but I won't act upon it. I just want your attention again. Is that too much to ask for?"
"No," is his immediate answer, and Jongin lets Chanyeol's hands weigh him down, the relief flooding through him and releasing most of the tension in his muscles and bones. Chanyeol takes a moment to search Jongin's face, and the latter has never felt quite so exposed in his entire life. It's.. nice, after so many weeks of not being able to open up to the other.
"Thank you," he says awkwardly, unsure what's appropriate to say in a situation such as this. It helps that his bandmate looks like he's struggling just as much as he is, and Jongin for the first time in weeks dares to think everything will be normal again. Or, well, almost normal.
"You know, for the record," Chanyeol murmurs, straightening himself but keeping his hands where they are, "I probably wanted to kiss you more than you did me."
"You?" is all Jongin manages.
"Yeah. In fact, I remember mentioning something about how I wanted to date you and was hoping I could segue that into a quick peck at least."
"Oh, right, the date thing. I remember laughing in your face at that. Wait, is that why you stopped acting like my fan?"
Chanyeol bites his lip and frowns. "It's not an act."
Jongin can't help but giggle. "You're so dumb."
"Well, you are, too." Chanyeol's smile widens. "I think we should go back to our friends. Don't you?"
Jongin glances over at the group. "Yeah. But only after you promise me something."
"Wow. We haven't even started dating and already you're demanding something from me."
"Just asking for a kiss, you idiot. You owe me."
"Calling your hyung dumb and an idiot." Chanyeol shakes his head and tuts. The ever-familiar banter makes Jongin feel warm and fuzzy in the chest, and he's pretty sure his eyes sparkle just as much as Chanyeol's do now. "And fine. But you owe me one, too."
"Fine," Jongin happily says, and lets the other take him by the hand and pull him across the room like he used to.
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i don't know. unlike jongin, i'm still fuming
at chankai prompt bot bc that account will be the death of me