Nikki Grahame · @Nikki_Grahame1
29th Jun 2015 from TwitLonger
No lies, no sensationalised story, no press, just a message from me x
I have refrained from making a bunch of nasty, silly and misconstrued comments and using Twitter as a weapon because I just think it's a waste of time and not me at all and I'll continue to do so. When you defend everything someone says about you it turns into a game of ping pong which I can't be bothered with and I know you guys certainly can't be bothered to read I think most of us have better things to do hey! I have however read a few things today which I would like to speak out against not just to defend myself but to defend the show, other housemates and defend many people in this country who have suffered or are suffering with illnesses regarding eating and growth.
1. I was never given a formal warning in relation to Helen Wood. If she thinks I was then she has been misinformed. I have no reason to lie about this whatsoever. I'd always put my hands up when I'm wrong.
2. It is no secret that in my life I have suffered with the illness anorexia. I am now better and the happiest and healthiest I've ever been. Anorexia is more than just a case of someone not wanting to eat so they can look skinny, it is a mental disease, and although I am better and well I still have certain tendencies and tics that I'm sure I'll have for life and I monitor what I eat now and then because these things help me stay healthy and well.. One of these is eating dark chocolate.. It is what I eat in daily life to give me energy and its a relatively healthy source of sugar! It's not a luxury to me, more a necessity and a tendency and if one of my only food tendencies after recovering from anorexia is that I like to eat dark chocolate regularly then I think I'm doing okay! I knew that if we were going to be on basic rations in the house I would be absolutely fine, I would just need some dark chocolate now and again so I could get some sugar as I knew we wouldn't be getting sweets or naughty foods! I ran this by the production team the day I went in to the house and they totally got it so said of-course I could have some chocolate if It was something that helped me regardless of rations or not. It was never written into any contract that I had to have it. I had the same contract as everybody else.
3. I may have a "the body of a child" and be "the size of a child" and I certainly do not "Use my frame, weight and height to get what I want" my body is the way it is because I spent 10 years of my life suffering with anorexia! It's not ideal and I get upset about what I've done to my body but it's something I live with and will always have to live with. (I don't want to keep talking about this and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy it's just required for my explanation) comments like these are what make anorexics relapse and become wrapped up in all kinds of mental health issues all over again and I want it known that saying things like this to or about people who have been sick and near to death because of their size and eating habits is unacceptable.
4. I don't use the words 'sl#t' or 'who#e' and I certainly didn't in the house.
5. I was involved in a serious car crash in 2005 where I broke my nose and had various serious injuries. The car I was in rolled over and I was nearly crushed. I have suffered with small panic attacks in relation to this since it happened and unfortunately the food fight incident brought back a horrid sensation of the car crash and I suffered a mild panic attack. This is the reason I asked if I could have a little bit of space. It wasn't a case of demanding "my own cabin away from civilian housemates" because I'm some nasty person above my station it was purely just to get a bit of space and calm down after having a bit of a scare. The whole evening is a blur, I was panicking and upset hence asking for a little space.
Having to defend myself over these subjects is hard, upsetting and not something I ever thought I'd have to do and I hope it will stop now.
For everyone who's supported me during my time in the house and over the weekend all I can say is thank you. I have read everything today and your words have really cheered me up.
Nikki xx