ChuffeR · @ChuffeRlol
21st Jun 2015 from TwitLonger
My long and pointless statement on why i have decided to quit so suddenly.
Hi guys,
I've never been a good writer but i'll try not to butcher these last words. This may be a bother for some but this is for those who wanted to know the reasoning behind my sudden departure. My words don't speak for everyone who plays this game and are completely personal, so i apologize for anyone that gets offended by what i have to say. I'm very confused right now and i don't regard my decision as 'correct' and i am constantly in debate with myself whether it was a wise step. This wasn't an immediate jump to the gun, i wanted to quit for a long time but could never bring myself to it for a wide variety of reasons. I am very sorry to the people who I've hurt with this decision.
Firstly, i loved and still love the game and its competitive environment. I really enjoyed playing it and competing with immensely talented players with distinctly different play styles. Though, As time grew i started becoming really invested into the game and as a result i started feeling like a different person. I would become really impatient with friends and family and end up treating them poorly. Every time i lost a game or performed poorly i would get really angry and i quickly translated that anger into poor behavior with anyone in my vicinity. It started feeling unreal and i felt horrible for doing it, yet every time, i found it harder to stop it from happening. It got to the point where i felt like i was watching myself develop into a person i really didn't want to be and i felt powerless in stopping it.
On top of this, i felt like i spent a disproportionate amount of time practicing and playing the game, to the point where i had to forfeit social and family interaction. This may have been a result of poor time management or unnecessary dedication but either way my time was spent inefficiently. I was watching the relationships i had with my friends slowly deteriorate and my family gradually distancing itself from me every day. I live with my mum, grandma and my sister. My mum was always vaguely supportive so she allowed me to hide in my room all day. She always encouraged me to do what i liked doing and hated it when i wanted to quit because she 'never raised a son like that'. Thus, every time i mentioned i wanted to stop playing and try something else she would abruptly stop me in my tracks and tell me that perseverance is the key to success.
Every once in a while i felt like i was wasting my time. What would i do after my short professional career? I would have nothing on my resume but great memories and i'd still be at square one. Many of my friends had pursued jobs and internships to further their prospects and with every successful movement they made up their ladders, i felt like i had regressed one. I always yearned for a casual retail or cafe job, but i realized it was too much of a strain on time as i didn't want to gimp practice or half-hardheartedly participate at university. I have always constantly worried about my future and that slowly ate away at me.
I don't want to make this a sob story or a plea for attention but today, i don't have many friends and probably even less due to this decision. I have no problem starting from scratch but I've realized through people's harsh advice that what i did was very very wrong. A person advised me that if i wanted to quit, i should have done it at the end of the split so it wouldn't affect my team and it was a mistake not heeding that advice. The biggest regret I've had wasn't dropping the fun and excitement of competitive gaming. Rather, it is the disappointment I have caused for the people who supported me and ultimately, the dreadful position i leave my previous team in.
I cant thank the team and riot enough for the wonderful opportunities they gave me, i'll cherish them forever. I do not expect the team or anyone to forgive me for what I've done but hopefully now, I've clarified the reasoning behind my decision.