My name is Esther ******* and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse both within the family and organised abuse by a paedophile ring in which my father was a part. My abuse started at the age of three. By the age of six I was being regularly raped and abused by various men, some of whom have been identified as "VIP" abusers. By the age of 13/14 I had become pregnant by my father and had a violent, forced abortion. After this my father left the family as I was too old for him and his "friends". I found security and attention from what now would be termed as grooming gangs. At the age of 14 I was found in a car with a 60 year old man by the police. I was called a slag & the man was advised to "watch his wallet". For the next 7-8 years I was passed from group to group, was forced to sleep with hundreds of men and I thought this was totally normal. Once I tried to escape - I ran to another part of the country but I was tracked down and "transferred".
One of the men who I was told to sleep with paid these men and officially bought me. I was with this man for the next 10 years, married him, was beaten regularly by him, was passed around for his friends to rape and treated me like the animal I thought I was. I was only allowed in the bedroom when he wanted to use me and I spent many nights locked naked either in the dog crate or under the stairs. Does any of this shock you? Good. This is a reality for many more survivors out there then you could ever imagine. I am one of millions.
Both as a child, and in my adult life my abuse was filmed. There must still be many recordings out there and that thought never fails to fill me with shame.
Just over 16 months ago I got away. It took many services to teach me that what had happened and how I lived wasn't right. It took them 16 months to convince me of this after I came to their attention after being mugged one night & the police seeing that I was covered in old bruises. After my husband tried to strangle me and dumped me in a garden the police moved me to ***. My house is full of panic buttons & I still live in fear everyday that one of many men from my past will one day find me and take me back. That is my life. This is me!!
Having read all of the above can you possibly imagine the feelings of finding out that I was recently secretly filmed in a survivors meeting at the cabinet office. A meeting in which I had identified myself, in which I had spoken about personal feelings, thoughts and ideas. A meeting in which I was supposed to be safe. Can you imagine the feelings of knowing that this recording has been shown to at least two reporters and god knows how many other people, including potentially one of my abusers. I have a feeling of extreme violation that I haven't felt since I was last raped. I feel shame. I feel fear. I feel outrage.
You may ask why this happened? As do I. But the reason is simple. There are two survivors behind this. We share the title of "survivor" but that is all we have in common. I have been harassed by these two men for the last 5 months. They have threatened to release my name and area to others - they have verbally assaulted me, they constantly harass, belittle, criticise me and others like me on social media. They encourage others to do the same.
Again - you might ask why they're doing this. Again the answer is simple. It is because I have publicly supported Graham and the previous panel on the Independent Child Sexual Abuse Inquiry. That's it!! Their personal grudge against Graham because he got the job they wanted themselves has extended to anyone & anything associated with him. They encourage people to attack the Lantern Project daily. Even Yvette Cooper shadow Home Secretary came under attack for meeting with me to discuss the inquiry. These people have repeatedly manipulated people into attacking Graham, the Lantern project and Graham's family. Every time we try to defend ourselves we are accused of bullying them despite the clear burden of proof otherwise. Now these individuals have received police warnings for their behaviour they use others more and more to carry out their attacks as well as using fake social media accounts.