Some thoughts on what #Feminism and #Patriarchy means to me


Though I have been a feminist for some time now I do not identify as a gender feminist. One of the reasons for that is this idea of Patriarchy, male created and dominated systems that are designed to keep myself and other women down. In these modern times this is not an idea that I can get behind, here's why.

I come from a poor, working class background, as did my parents and grandparents before me. I have known women that were kept down because of old fashioned male systems. Women in my family worked to support their family, same as the men. My grandmother was very intelligent and won a scholarship to obtain a higher level of education than women were typically given in her time. She worked for many years as a legal secretary, as knowledgeable and intelligent as any lawyer. Yet she could not be a lawyer because, at the time, women were not lawyers. When I was little and my dad could not find work my mum worked to support us. She would cycle 8 miles to work, spend all day grafting alongside qualified painters and decorators, then cycle the 8 miles home again. As a unqualified painter and decorator she could never earn a decent living but the training and qualifications were not offered to women because, at the time, women were not painters and decorators. My mother was one of the first women in this country to obtain a formal qualification in painting and decorating. She would go for interviews with companies to try and get a better paid job as a qualified painter and decorator only to be told that because she was a woman she would only be offered a desk job. That, to me, would constitute Patriarchy.

But we fixed it, at least in the West. Nowadays if a woman wants to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a politician, or a designer, she can. Higher education is as open to women as it is to men. But what about those that are at the bottom end of things? What about those that cannot afford to study? What about those that are poor? I have a job that is relatively low paying, I live in local authority housing. I play video games and write a blog about feminism and gaming as a hobby, the only hobby I have and one we can barely afford. All of our equipment is second/third hand or was given to us as gifts. Everyone that surrounds me in this area, of all genders, are just trying to keep their heads above water, keep their children clothed and fed and a roof above their heads. Parents in this neighborhood, including me, work their asses off in low paid jobs. We do not earn anywhere near a living wage and so must also claim government benefits to top up our money so we can afford even the most basic standard of living. Companies know we can get these benefits and so are incentivised to keep wages low and to employ tactics such as zero hour contracts, which do not guarantee the employee even a minimum number of working hours a week. Claiming these benefits comes with a social stigma, the media labels benefit claimants as scum and spongers, encouraging the public to view them as stupid, uneducated, sub-humans to be scorned and mocked. If we give up a job, even a zero hour contract job that doesn't offer enough hours, you can have your benefits sanctioned for MONTHS, meaning that in that time you get no money. Why am I saying all of this? Because I'm hearing a lot in modern feminism about this patriarchy but to be honest what I'm seeing is not systems of men trying to keep women down, it is systems of rich keeping the poor down. This is because the people in charge, men and women, have never had to do any kind of real work and have never had to struggle, ever.

The fact is that modern third wave gender feminism could not give a fuck about women like me. When these feminists talk about patriarchy holding women back they don't mean all women. They only mean educated middle class women, women with long term earning prospects, women that have careers instead of jobs. There are no feminists in my neighbourhood talking to working class women about empowerment, patriarchy and male gaze, frankly they'd be laughed at. When a woman has rough hands from hard work and holes in her shoes because she had to spend her last bit of spare money on shoes for her children she isn't really concerned about some fantasy patriarchy boogie man.

You can keep third wave gender feminism, it is not a feminism that represents me or women like me, quite frankly that kind of feminism has a price tag on it, a minimum spend, and it's not one that women like me can afford. That feminism primarily seems to represent American middle class women, women that complain that a heart surgeon doesn't earn the same as a school teacher while being served by waiting staff that don't even earn minimum wage. Those feminists will have to forgive us poor working class women for not worrying about patriarchy, or whether video games are sexist, or whether someone calls us "Sweetheart", we're busy working against systems that are designed to keep us barely making ends meet, systems that have nothing to do with gender and everything to do with distribution of wealth and local, national and international economics. Chances are my earning capability will never get to the level necessary for me to own my own home or give my children the nice things I would like for them.

But don't feel sorry for me, I am one of the LUCKY ones. I am poor but I am poor in the West, there are systems in place to keep me and my family in a home and from starving to death. You want to feel sorry for someone? Feel sorry for those that made your clothes, or those that grew and harvested the coffee you cannot live without, for a pittance a day. Stop worrying about patriarchy and do something to help them instead. That is the useful kind of feminism that the world needs. I will continue to be a feminist, an equity feminist that is concerned with making the world a fairer place for ALL. And if you at any point reading this thought some version of "This woman and her kind are so lost, they have no idea, they don't have the education or the critical thinking ability to understand how patriarchy is affecting them. This woman has clearly internalised misogyny" then congratulations, it is you and your sanctimonious feminism that is part of the problem.

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