I'm out of Gravity. Why I left, and my current situation:
First off, I want to thank each and every person who follows me on Twitter/Reddit. I think that one of the reasons why I'm SO fucking enamored with e-Sports is that people in this scene (Players, Casters, Personalities, Coaches, Streamers, Fans) come from completely different walks of life. Consequently, nearly everybody who wants to "make it" in our scene effectively starts from nothing; as an Asian teen who has been... "crafted," or taught, to "succeed in life," the idea that my merit as a Coach/Personality would solely be based on how the internet judged my accomplishments was strangely exciting. I've worked with and for Asians, Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics, LGBQT, members of different socio-economic classes... and I'll tell you right now, it's been a damn blessing. I'm so lucky to have received the amount of exposure I did, both love and hate. Thank you so much for reading my articles. Thank you so much for following me on Twitter. Thank you so much for watching me on the LCS stage. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I was asked to leave Team Gravity.
It really hurts me to say this, but it was the right decision. Here's the thing- LCS coaches ultimately need two things: game knowledge and the ability to "shut-it-down." I have neither- at least, not enough of both qualities to cater to a 1st-place NA LCS squad. Right now, I'm a scrub who spent a lot of time (in College, too much time) watching film of the game. That's why I was always afraid to provide input; I was afraid of rebuttal. I had a glass jaw- I don't even have a contract, so I was coaching scared of being wrong. At the same time, I don't have enough... zeal (?) or backbone to tell people like Saint to shut-up during team discussions. Being respectful to people older than me has literally been beaten (lol) into me by my parents, and I guess I subconsciously quieted myself whenever there was an argument. I think taking a coach who would be the 2nd-youngest member of the team was a mistake that both management and I did not foresee. In the end, I wasn't respected for my game knowledge or seniority, and after scrims yesterday (before I was notified I was off the team), I told Jake that I thought he should find a replacement for me. I trust that Jake will find an older, former pro player. It kind of dashes my own pride to say this, but anyone can do a better job.
I want to thank the members of Gravity. Saint made me realize that I over-complicated the game. I didn't interact with Cop and Keane much, but they were really good to me. Bunny wanted me to become the right coach for the team, and kept trying to drive me towards that place. Hauntzer was a great roommate, and I think he'll be the best Top-Laner in NA this split. Jake is a fantastic manager, and knew when to remind me when to work and when to joke around. Thank you, Gravity Gaming, for this opportunity.
I now find myself in a bit of a conundrum. The semester's already started, so I can't go back to school. I promised myself that I'd live alone for six months, so I can't bring myself to face my parents in Korea. I don't know if coaching is right for me, but I'm looking for any work I can get right now, in or out of e-Sports. If anyone is taking an application, then I promise you'll be considering the hardest worker.
Thanks to China Talk crew, RCGRPKNJP