Closing down my twitter in 48 hours: Why and some thank-yous.

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NOTHING IN THIS VOMIT OF WORDS HAS BEEN PROOF READ, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I'll start this off by giving a bit of back story about me.

I was born in Croydon in south London but moved to the Wirral, Liverpool where I grew up. I consider myself a Southerner but grew up in the North. Private school educated, I come from a 'well to do' family.

When I was 15, due to a serious and traumatic disagreement with my parents, I 'ran away' from home to a city further south with my boyfriend at the time (he was 18 year old fresher at University). Deciding that I needed to pay my own way I attempted to find work. Sadly the job market wasn't exactly nice to a 15 year old with no experience, references or qualifications but I did manage to get a job doing 'Promotions' for a nightlife agency.

Turns out by promotions they meant 'shot girl' and I spent a good while working for £3 an hour at the dirtiest club in my city. My uniform was one or two notches above bra and pants with stockings and heels and I spent the first few hours of each shit cleaning stuff no one else wanted to clean (basements, smoking areas, toilets etc.). The rest of my duties was trying to get clientele to buy shots, photographs and lighters until late into the night.

Living in his halls of accommodation with him didn't last long we broke up maybe 2 months after I moved down. I remember being in a city centre alternative pub (one I still drink at ironically) crying my eyes out because I didn't know what I was going to do. I had a terrible job, no place to live, no place to return to, no friends and no future prospects. It was then I met someone we'll call 'Miss Smith' for the purpose of this story.

Miss Smith was a 40 something widow with no children who worked as a 'legal consultant'. I'm not completely sure why she was in the same pub as me (she claims she'd been stood up on a blind date) but she asked if she could join me. We sat together and talked for a bit, she mostly asked me questions and didn't give away a lot of information about herself. She paid for my drinks and bought me a meal while we talked.

At about 10pm (after we'd talked for about 4 hours) she said she was going home and offered for me to come with her. I had literally no other options, I grabbed my rucksack (which was the only thing I had due to my ex boyfriend throwing away all the possessions I'd left at the halls) and took a taxi home with Miss Smith.

Miss Smith had a large 7 bedroom house about an hour's walk from the city centre. The whole house was newly decorated with extremely large and expensively furnished bedrooms, it was a lot like the house I grew up in. Miss Smith showed me to my room which was the smallest room in the house. On the tip top floor I had a single bed, a chest of drawers, a bookcase and a desk.

Rules were simple: I was allowed to stay for 2 weeks then I had to pay £20 a week for board (accommodation and food). Meals would be provided by the house keeper but I had to give 24 hours notice, failure to attend a meal on time would result in immediately being thrown out of the house. I wasn't allowed people over, wasn't allowed to go into rooms that weren't the dining room, my bedroom, kitchen, utilities or upper guest bathroom. No alcohol or tobacco was to be consumed on the premises. If the house keeper reported that I was making any mess then I'd be thrown out. Room inspections would be carried out fortnightly.

I'm not going to say that living with Miss Smith was paradise because it wasn't, she was extremely strict. At the same time, however, I can't say that it was a terrible living experience. I mean I was a 15 – 16 year old runaway, it was pretty much the exact environment I needed. I got all sorts of things bought for me (food, make up, toiletries, books, a computer) and multiple times found my board (and then some) had been returned to me after I'd paid it. Miss Smith didn't want my money, she just wanted me to be doing something with my days. 'This isn't a holiday camp and I'm not your Mother' was a line I heard multiple times.

Did I miss home? I guess sometimes but I was happy all the same. Miss Smith asked me to attend 'events' with her so we'd go out dress shopping in the day and she'd introduce me as if I was her daughter. I spent a lot of days reading books, watching anime and playing video games (in the 1 year + I lived with Miss Smith I started playing LoL closed beta and Starcraft II).

All the while I was continuing to work as a shot girl for 4 nights a week and I'd become really good at it. I'd negotiated a payrise to £4.50 an hour and didn't have to clean toilets anymore (instead that was replaced by a lot of flyering, actual promotions work). After about 8 months of working at this job I met someone who we'll call Mr Evans.

I met Mr Evans when I was out flyering. It was pouring with rain in my city centre and I walked up to him and offered him a flyer. He asked me why I was still out flyering in the rain (all promotions staff immediately stop at the faintest hint of rain) and I replied 'why not?' He also asked why I was handing him a flyer and I replied 'because you look like someone with money who likes to have a good time'. He laughed and introduced himself as Mr Evans, manager of a much more successful nightclub in the same city. He told me to come to the club at a certain date and time for a job interview.

In Mr Evans's office we chatted for a bit, wasn't really much of an interview. He asked me about my upbringing, (something I now choose to keep a lot more quiet about), why I worked in a club, my home environment and my plans for the future. We spoke about literature as well, he seemed shocked that my favourite books was A Picture Of Dorian Gray. We shared the view that the Tempest was Shakespeare's most underrated play and he seemed particularly impressed by my views on what the difference between literature and fiction. I was offered a job at the end of the interview, it was a payrise to a 21 year old's minimum wage and full time bar work. How could I refuse?

After just over a year my living situation with Miss Smith began to deteriorate. Not with anything I was doing but I think Miss Smith was finally able to move on from her husband's death and started dating again. She quickly (in that way that older people do) got serious and after a few months was engaged. I used to blame Miss Smith's fiancé but the truth is I'm actually not sure if he's responsible, either way I was given my 2 months eviction notice. I think Miss Smith and her fiancé were planning on adopting so I can't blame her for wanting me gone.

A lot of the interactions between myself and Miss Smith was based around clothes and makeup. Clothes shopping was a big occurance and she wanted pictures of me in all the outfits she bought me. My hairstyle, make up and outfits were all decided by Miss Smith wherever possible. Sometimes she'd come home and she'd demand that I get changed into whatever outfit she had pre-determined. I was like a doll; something she'd take out of the drawer, play with for a bit and then put away again. There were trips to the theatre, nice restaraunts and various charity events, all to show me off to her friends. She'd often say things like 'Ann you're so pretty' or 'Ann I love you, do you love me?'. I don't think there was anything malicious behind it, just boredom and lonliness.

In the two months I looked into finding somewhere to live. I applied for various places but was often declined at the point of credit check simply because I was under 18. After about 6 weeks (I really wasn't very good at looking for somewhere to live) I got an offer to live in a houseshare by a collegue of mine (this is the same collegue who I live with now).

Years went by, promotions came and living conditions improved. I came to understand my own sexuality better, spent a bit of time stripping to make ends meet better and had various romantic relationships. Esports, my job and Lucy, I guess, were the only constants in my life.

Closing Down My Twitter

I know this is difficult to believe but I never actually intended to get any sort of fame. I only set up my twitter so I could follow a few content creator's work easier and one day went to change my profile picture and by accident selected an actual picture of me.

Every 'attention seeking' tweet was just my personality, view on something, attempt to educate my followers on something or perhaps me just trying to be a bit funny.

It's been fun overall but, like everything, it must come to an end. Why?

I want to go back to school in 2015 to get GCSEs in English, Maths and Science and, following that, A Levels in English Literature and Philosophy. Why? I'm not to sure but I think going back to school and taking a few evening classes can't be a bad thing.

I want to focus on 'my career'. Let me make it clear that there's no professional pressure for me to perform better at my job, my performance is still (in my manager's own words) the best of my peer but I don't know if that's enough. I want to focus more on live music organising, build up my contacts in the industry and maybe get a genuine career outside of nightclubs going. Plus I want to learn more about the club and how it operates so I can go on and run my own one eventually.

I want to start volunteering for the Housing Association. As someone who's been helped by them a lot in the past I think it's important that I start giving back to them and this society I live in.

So why can't I do all those things at the same time as follow eSports and maintain an active twitter account?

1. There's only so many hours in the day.
2. The twitter account was set up to follow and give opinions about eSports. Giving opinions when I'm not fully educated on a topic isn't something I'm OK with doing.
3. The twitter account is a huge distraction, I've invested hours and hours of time into it and when I'm trying to study for evening classes or focus on work it'll just get in the way.

I need to cut out the distractions in my life and focus on myself. I want to go all out on getting some qualifications and improving my career.

I'm sorry for anyone who feels I've let them down but this is the truth. I'm still really passionate (god I hate that word) about eSports, it's just that I won't have time for it to be in my life in the same capacity as I do now. I still plan on watching OGN whenever possible and watching big international events but that's it really.

To those that have me on skype I'll be shutting down that account as well, why? It's just another distraction.

I sincerly hope some talented individual steps up and makes a twitter account just for the purpose of retweeting eSport selfies, all the hard work is done for you after all.

Whatever I write probably doesn't accurately convey and portray my respect and admiration for you but, nevertheless, to a few individuals:

Thorin: Thanks for everything. You're probably the best person I've ever had the pleasure of calling a friend. My admiration and respect for you as an individual and your work is limitless. I hope your fortunes in eSports continue to improve and you find the success you deserve. As both a friend and mentor you've been everything I could ask for and more.

Kelsey Moser: I know I seemed brash at first but that's just my shyness coming forth. I think you're probably the best writer to emerge in League of Legends and I think your passion and love for the game and your craft is incredible.

Froskurin: Probably the coolest girl in eSports, one of my big regrets is that I didn't get more invested into Chinese LoL so I could listen to your casts.

Dooraven: If there was an award for best Eevee evolution avatar twitter account in LoL eSports you'd come at least top 5. If you decide to stay in eSports I'm sure you'll continue to find success but I know you can go onto bigger things outside of eSports as well. Maybe show your face once in a while?

Domxthexbomb: Thanks for discussing OGN with me on so many occassions. I'm not gonna thank you for the reddit threads though cause I hate Reddit, hope you do well.

Wildhawk: While we didn't always see eye to eye I respect your opinion and the way you think about the game.

Soupy: The only thing you lack is confidence and the determination to get what you want. Be proud of who you are, I know I am.

William Turton: Fuck off you turtle

Kikuz: I still think of you like a little sister, except you're more talented than me. Whatever direction you take in life I'm sure you'll find success

Shatterfront: Cheer up hun, I think you're great when you're not trying to bring others down.

Lilsusie: I hope we can meet so I can call you Susie Unni to your face. When I'm older I just wanna be you

Vman: Fuck the haters, still my second favourite streamer (second only to Watch)

Richard Lewis: You bald fuck, thanks for helping me out on numerous occassions. I'm not always approving of you but I still believe you're both a force for good in eSports and a neccessary individual.

Lastshadow: I refuse to call you LS, sorry. A lot of my game knowledge was actually taken from your coaching videos, say true.

Youngbuck: As the first pro player who engaged in conversations with me thank you. I think you're a lot better than people give you credit for and I hope you continue to find success in eSports.

F N A T I C B O Y Z: Thanks for the games, probably the easiest team to cheer for. I know the sOAZ, xPeke, Cyanide trio is dead but I'm sure you'll all do well in whatever you do.

Andy Bloodvayne: My favourite queer person, GBFFL for lives?

Fionn: Writing really good articles and being mildly funny on occassion doesn't stop you being BM!

Kubz: Sorry for never following through with what we discussed, thanks for the conversations and the laughs. Hope you get what you've earnt, you're not nearly as bad as the community likes to make out.

Krislund: I still believe you're a genuine European talent, please prove me right in season 5.

SoulDra: Fuck you Emperor SoulDra, Cloud is a shit player.

Charlie: Even if you're a little thirsty you're still a really clever and interesting guy who deserves all the succcess he's been given.

NEO Jets: One of the nicest and sweetest people in eSports, wish you all the best

LeagueESAN: Why I didn't always agree with you I respect the fuck out of your passion for the NA Challenger scene.

Dexter: While I wanna see you play again I also know you'll make a great caster, whatever you do I'm sure you'll do great.

Drexxin: If I had to name one person who truly deserved more recognition for his work then it'd be you everytime.

Emeli, Dee, OakKatherine, Huong, Vulpix, Andromehda, Olivia, Jessy, Alexa, Yuno, Elektrikk, Jinksy, Ari, Karin, Uri, Case, bitsy, Pinky, Sarina, Ashley, Nana, Kitty, Lisanne, Moon, Krissy, Bloodraven, Brittany, Aurora, Kelsey, Marisa, Elizabells, Sabrina, Minty, Rowena, Jingle, Kit, Drea, Kelsey, Shahrazad, Jackey, Felix, Victoria, Sushin, amandacayye, Josh, Kelly, Petra, Anna, Erin, Tina, Citeen, Fran, Anne, Nanna, Angie, Claire, Hyojung, Mush, Kirra, Kat, Chris, Erika, Klaudia, TayQts, Lux, Shannon, Yuki, Lynn, Ana, yungsea, Steffie, Sinalee, Cathy, Darion, Calibur, Yviz, Rach, Lillian, Susan, Mason, Lufie, dearn, andreaa, DieEasy, Holly, Vicki, Crystina, Johnny, Ashlee, Andrew, Elyse, Annina, Joshua, Misheru, Tove, Ella, John, Christine, Marilyn, KissAlb1n, Samy, Sheridan, Lotus, Michelle, Lelovena, Seismix, Amy, Storm, Isabella, Eirin, Eveline, Miu, Fran, Myazui, Neville, Melanie, CSK, Lillia, Ellie, WARXPRO, Alex, Tapanga, Tina, Axelle, Sara, Sav, Tonje, Sam, Emily, Nicola, Xyven, Luke, Piet, Mackenzie, Svenny, Catherine, Emi, Elin, Chaz, Evelynn, Blake, Jenna, Andre, Dacchei, Krissy, Xylia, Mai, Alexia, Catherine, Sofia, bodilysac, Jayden, Pearl, ilysuiteheart, Niina, Kathy, Lynnea, Amy, Jenna, Velocibrad, Nox Nox, Psycho-san, Kana, Tricky, Stephanie, Robbster, Sansilu, Tommy, Toko, Serina: Bae, I only wish I got to know you better. I followed you because I enjoyed your twitters :)

Kane: fuck you you fucking polak

Naomi: I love you so much, still gonna be watching your stream too much... I hope you try and branch out and do hosting or casting, I think you'd be amazing at it.

Brokenshard: Fuck you fucking tosser, thanks for being a real friend.

Bee Sin: Creep, you grew on me a bit, gl with Fusion

InfluenzaFish: Fucking troll fish

MellouKou: COME BACK YOU JACK WHITE LOOK A LIKE

Denit: And the award for prettiest girl on twitter goes to: You.

Olivia: I love your passion for eSports and you as a person and your face

Raz: Dem photoshops, please learn how to do shoutouts

Alex Penn: Good luck with the future, hope you find more time for League in the future

Sam: Probably the most beautiful person inside and out I've ever had the please of calling a friend.

Piratechnics: Good luck casting in the future, Riot could always use better casters heheh

Emily Rand: I loved both your twitter accounts and your articles and your opinions on anime and your face!

ClearOxygen: Thanks for being as interested in Korean eSports, if not more so, as I was. I found your tweets refreshing and interesting

SirNoogen: I'll be rewatching Gundam Wing, I hope you will do

Kriz: Thanks for the guidance and kind words, meant a lot coming from you

Thomas: Continue doing you, I hope to see your profile grow.

Reazony: I actually can't say the word 'Indie' without thinking of you. Underrated as fuck, keep popping up on chat shows and I hope Machi do well in S5

Rng_lol: You were always what I wanted you to be: A funny Scottish fucker who knew his shit from his piss

Magic: Thanks for the good times and the insight, good luck in the future

Keith: I hope next time I see you I'm wearing white cause we're getting married

Brian: I know you're a great manager bud, I look forward to cheering for the team formerly known as EG. Thanks for taking my player reccomendations as well.

Trashy: Hope you make a competitive comeback soon, I still have you down as the best jungler not in the LCS

Necovsky: Weirdo...

Hugo: A true friend

Jonny: Thanks for buffing my football knowledge so many times, genuinely one of my favourite twitter accounts. I'll maybe cheer for Man City a bit in the future

Blackout: Hearthstone is a shit game and you're better than it

Dentist: ALL HAIL PHOTOSHOP KING

Nile: Nile Twitter Troll is best Twitter Troll, like a fucking banterbot. Don't tell Benny I said that though

Deer: One of my oldest friends on twitter, you never stopped making me smile

Dominic: Miss you already, thanks for supporting me from the start

Piraterie: The first person to follow me, you're the real MVP!

DeClawd: SCREW YOUR PUNS

sOAZ: Still my favourite Western player, I hope you show a great season 5 like I know you can

Lemonz: I know nothing about you but I love you, what a weird feeling.

Mia: Thank you for always being there for me, lots of respect and love for you

Sirscoots: The worst ex husband ever! Old, not really rich, still handsome and extremely happy! I hope your Cross Fire rip off never makes it big!

Reis, xPeke, Slasher, Doa, Agent, Nukeduck, Nien, Naniwa, Febiven, Schorr, d1dx, InnerFlame, wei-ning, Adel, Trashy, SmokeyLemmon, SchmantFRED, Jordan, Phil, Jason, Qun, Matthew, Ryan Tang, Ian, Joe, Darker, Incarnati0n, RedEYE, Mousse, Veggie, Fly, cow, Sam Crawley, Sami, Whalen, cArn, Damian, Stephen Cho, Jamie, Scott, Seb, Tobias, Piet, Daniel, Sam and Brittany Brown, KaSing, Leviathan, Garvey, Alex Gu, Tyler, So Jung Lim, maplestreet, Vlanitak, Howspiffing, Evanikus, Dylan, Peter Zhang, Gleeb, Samuel Lingle, Indy, Josh, Sneaky, Nintendudex, HeavenTime, Lohpally, bnunu, Keane, Sencux, SivHD, Calfeezy, Am1n, NubbyPoohBear, William, Perkz, Heartbeat, Dunderball, River, ShorterACE, Dyansty, LGDnite, Reub

Being followed by you, whether you were the best ever Western player, a Challenger scene scrub, LCS manager or just a dumb twitter troll gave me something to feel good about. It felt nice that people who 'mattered' in the scene actually cared about what I had to say (or they just were a bit of a perv). Popular youtubers, not so popular youtubers, casters, the only white SC player I ever emotionally cheered for, journalists, analysts, managers and hosts... It doesn't matter what you were, it matters that I cared about what you thought and you did for me. Gave me a good feeling, you know?

I've probably missed a lot of people but it doesn't matter, because I loved 95% of the people I interacted with on twitter and I love eSports. I loved every minute of this twitter account and wouldn't change anything about it.

This is AnnPragg, closing down. I'll be deleting the twitter account, permanently, in 48 hours. Gonna leave it up for that long so everyone can read this post who I want to read it. Why so soon? I'm afraid that if I leave it to new year I won't actually have the courage to do it. I'm gonna miss this but it has to be done, I have to move on and become the person I want to be. I leave eSports with no regrets and full of good memories, thank you everyone.

P.S Thankyou to the incredible person who got me my Watch photo, I embarrassingly can't remember who did it though... Feel so bad about that (maybe that's the only regret).

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