my experience with Lauren 11/10/14
okay so I met 4/5 of fifth harmony (camila wasn't there bc she stayed in miami) at the airport yesterday, and sure it seems like no big deal because i meet the girls so often, but this was honestly one of my best, most memorable experiences with Lauren. so, there were about 13 of us fans waiting, and after about 30 minutes, the girls come down the escalator into arrivals and everyone starts crowding and stuff so i hugged and greeted them all and talked to normani for a bit, and someone had instantly apologized to Lauren for not winning the Artist on the Rise EMA for them, and she automatically went into speech mode and said "look, all of you, listen: do not apologize for not winning the award for us. you all voted your asses off and we could not appreciate you more for working so hard. we love you guys" (basically something along those lines).
so I'm walking with her out of the airport, along with a bunch of other fans, and I had told her I needed to talk to her as soon as she is done taking pictures but to take her time, and she instantly catches up with me and grabs my hand as we're walking and was like "what's up babe? are you okay? how are you?" and I was like "yeah i'm good i'm fine how are you?" and she was like "really, how are you?" and i was like "lauren i'm fine now" & she was like "tell me the truth." and i was like "ok so i'm not really fine but I'm doing better." she looked kinda worried and said "okay so what do you need to talk to me about? did you...?" assuming that I relapsed because she knows about my past with self-harm and she read in my journal that I gave her about my struggle with depression lately, so I answered honestly and told her I did indeed relapse a couple weeks ago, and she was like "bryce...." and looked kind of disappointed. I started apologizing for disappointing her but she interrupted saying "hey it's okay I'm not disappointed in you I promise. but what happened? you looked so happy the last few times I saw you. how bad was it?" so I said "it was pretty bad. I was hospitalized for overdosing. my sister kinda saved me." and she said my name sympathetically again, and I apologized once more and she grabbed my hand with her free one and was like "look at me. stop apologizing. it happens okay I know it does, but you're stronger than that. it's all in your head. all that shit that made you break down, it's all in your fucking head and you need to get rid of those demons that are making you feel the way you do, they need to go. you're better than them. I know things can get tough, trust me, I KNOW, I've been there plenty of times before, but I also know you bryce and I know that you're stronger than that. you're better than that. you think that you aren't but you are, I promise." and i said "i know lauren but i'm just so overwhelmed with everything and i just have been hating my life so much lately i'm sorry i just didn't know what to do." and she squeezed my hand and was like "hey it's okay to be sad sometimes but don't let the sadness kill you. you have so much to live for bryce. you're young and you're so smart and so caring and you have so much potential but it'll do nothing if you don't believe that yourself. don't waste your youth sulking in sadness okay? you are gonna be somebody someday. have you reached out to anyone in your family?" and i said yeah, i told her i talked to my sister about everything a few days ago and she took me to go get a self-help book the other day too, and she goes, "that's good! that's so good. who else? you need to tell your parents and stuff too okay getting help isn't a bad thing" and i told her how my grandma said i did it for attention & lauren was like "are you fucking kidding me? did she really say that?" and i told her yes. then someone came up and was like "i'm sorry but can i interrupt for one second?" and lauren was like "ummm no, gimme a minute. sorry, this is important." then she looked back at me and continued, saying "anyway, that's bullshit that your grandma said that i'm sorry babe you don't deserve that. but you need to sit her down and tell her that this is a serious fucking problem and depression is not a joke and that if she isn't gonna help you then you're not gonna let her be a part of your daily life because you don't need that negative shit. that's what you need to do. take that negative stuff and throw it out of your mind and out of your life. and if you can't do that, find more positives and enjoy that. do stuff that makes you happy. i love seeing you happy." and I smiled at that and she was like "see? keep smiling. that's what i like to see. you mean so much to me and the girls and your friends and if you don't wanna stay strong for yourself then do it for us. stop being so selfless all the time and focus on yourself and your mental health because you should always put that before others. i love you too much to let you let yourself go like that bryce." and she rested her hand on my cheek & said, "I like seeing your beautiful face when i'm here, so you better not disappear on me anytime soon, or ever, you got it?" and I said yes and i tried not to cry but i let a couple tears fall and she wiped them away and was like "you'll be fine. i promise you. but don't ever hurt yourself again. you have to promise me that." and i told her i promise and she was like "no. that's not convincing enough. pinky promise." and i was like "pinky promise, lauren." and she smiled and pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my back and whispered in my ear "things will get better. it'll take a while, but it'll get better. i believe in you. you're so strong. you got this babe. i love you so much." and we let go of the hug and she got crowded bc people wanted pictures but yeah.
if you ever need a reason to stay strong, it's Lauren Jauregui, or just Fifth Harmony all around. Lauren had also mentioned to me in the convo (some parts I left out bc too personal) that i need to find my muse. I need to find something that makes me consistently okay with things and makes me happy, but I don't think she realizes that she is my muse, as cliche as it sounds. she is that person for a lot of people and she's the kind of person you tell your kids about. she's the kind of person that for simply just being amazing. I love Lauren with all of my heart and I couldn't have chosen someone, well, 5 people, as better idols. So if you're ever feeling sad, just remember that Lauren loves you and appreciates you so much. like she said, it'll get better in time. just believe in yourself.