Story of my life


So I now decided to break out what I've been and am going through: So I was bullied through all my school life, since 1st grade to 9th grade, it was big, in high school and after that, there wasn't that much, but it still affected. I noticed depression on myself at 2nd or 3rd grade, and I lived with it and hid it from everyone (including myself) for 10 years, until I got it diagnosed, and got told I have moderate depression. I have had suicidal thoughts during last couple of years, when I've lived by myself. I'm always lonely, and rarely have human connections in real life, face to face. The biggest help for me during this journey has been the Internet, the Youtube, the Streamers, the Community, the FRIENDS I've made in here! Without these, I would be dead, period. Last few months, I have been doing my civil service, working in hospital, doing 7½h day, working 1-2h of that. That didn't help with my depression, because there's too much time to think about things. My work there is done, and now my biggest stress comes from the fact, that I have no idea where I'm gonna get money. I'm not able to work, but I need work to get better. Probably some of you might think why I'm spamming YOU things, why I'm posting depressive things, songs, and whatever here. That is because that's the way how I heal myself, at least sometimes. Also, some of you might get irritated sometimes that I spam you messages with no sense. That's only because I need someone to talk to. I have no connection IRL, so I talk, sometimes maybe too much, to you people through Internet. I'll use every opportunity I have to see you, because YOU are only human connection I have atm.

And now to every depressed person out there. You can't get help if you don't ask for it! The thing I learned from my journey was, that I was very late myself for help. When depression have big effect on your own life, go seek for help. If you don't want professional help, just talk to your friends, your family, anyone... Talking helps, because without talking to YOU people, I wouldn't be here, I would be out there somewhere, if even on this Earth. If you want help, ask for it. If you want to talk to someone, you can freely talk to me, I'm always here for every single one of you! Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't be afraid to talk. Of course, if someone says, that (s)he doesn't have time to talk, don't push them, but if someone has time to listen, use that time to talk to them. Whatever you do, don't do what I did; don't hide the depression from yourself, it's not worth it. It gets bigger every second it's behind your back, or in your closet, or wherever you're hiding it in!

If you read the text this far, thank you, I know you care. You will never know how thankful I am for all of YOU who care, who listen, who are my friends and want me to be here! THANK YOU!

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