Fake Dan Uggla · @FakeDanUggla
15th Apr 2014 from TwitLonger
GAME 13 GAME NOTES. I would have posted these earlier but I was busy with something. Here they are. Enjoy.
I should also mention there's only one note from tonight's game. I felt the rest of my notes were irrelevant so I scrapped them at the last minute.
-DAN UGGLA FOR MVP. DAN UGGLA FOR PRESIDENT. DAN UGGLA FOR FATHER OF MY CHILDREN WHICH IS A WEIRD THING TO SAY BECAUSE I'M A DUDE. DAN UGGLA FOR COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR. DAN UGGLA FOR CY YOUNG. DAN UGGLA FOR GOLD GLOVE. DAN UGGLA FOR SILVER SLUGGER. DAN UGGLA FOR EVERY AWARD THEY GIVE OUT. MAKE AN AWARD SPECIFICALLY FOR DAN UGGLA AND CALL IT THE DAN UGGLA AWARD AND GIVE IT TO THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER ALIVE: DAN UGGLA. YEAH THE DUDE MIGHT STRIKEOUT 18 TIMES EVERY GAME BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO GIVES A SHIT. DAN UGGLA IS GOD'S GIFT TO MANKIND. SEND FROM THE HEAVENS TO BLESS US WITH RANDOM ASS 9TH INNING GRAND SLAMS AGAINST THE PHILLIES. OH, YOU THINK THE BRAVES SHOULD RELEASE DAN UGGLA? WANT HIM TRADED? HERE BITCH, TAKE TWO OF THESE HOME RUNS AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING. YOU WANNA BENCH DAN UGGLA? SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO. BE SURE TO GIVE THANKS FOR DAN UGGLA THIS THANKSGIVING. SIT AROUND WITH THE FAMILY AND TELL THEM YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR DAN UGGLA AND GRANDMA'S PUMPKIN PIE. TELL SANTA ALL YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR IS FOR DAN UGGLA TO NEVER DIE AND CONTINUE TO LIVE FOREVER AND BLESS US WITH HIS PRESENCE FOR THE REST OF DAYS. WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND HEAD STRAIGHT TO THE GYM AND DO 6 HOURS OF BICEP CURLS AND THEN EAT A STEAK AND BENCHPRESS A HONDA CIVIC FOR 3 HOURS SO MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU'LL BE A LITTLE BIT LIKE DAN UGGLA. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE DAN UGGLAS. NEXT TIME WE GOT AN OSAMA BIN LADEN RUNNING AROUND JUST CALL UP DAN UGGLA AND HE'LL FIND THE DUDE. NO PROBLEM. PUT DAN UGGLA IN A SCIENCE LAB FOR A COUPLE YEARS AND THAT DUDE'LL COME OUT WITH A CURE FOR CANCER, HERPES, THAT ONE DISEASE WHERE BABIES ARE BORN WITHOUT LIPS OR WHATEVER. HE'LL CURE IT ALL. HE'LL CURE ALL THE DISEASES IN THE WORLD AND THEN SHOW UP IN THE TOP OF THE 9TH INNING AND MURDER BASEBALLS UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS HIM TO STOP. BUT HE WON'T STOP. HE'S JUST GONNA KEEP ON DOING IT BECAUSE HE'S DAN MOTHERFUCKING UGGLA: BASEBALL MURDERER.
That's all. Sorry for yelling.