I feel as though I should say something about the current situation, but have been unsure of how, and still am. I don't feel as though I fully understand my problems yet. any issues I have with how things are happening right now aren't things I can talk about because I know they will be emotionally charged and I know because of my tendencies I would put myself first. between my parasomnia and emotionally manipulative tendencies, I have a wealth of issues that I must address and understand before I can properly say anything and know that I'm saying exactly what I mean to, and that includes apologies I sincerely need to give. a good friend confronting me directly after I took my leave gave me the clarity I needed in that regard. I want to assure people that I'm aware of and working on things and that this is where I am focusing myself right now. I never set out to hurt anybody and I'm really concerned for the well being of the people that I have hurt.
I am taking am extended break from the internet and people in general for the safety of myself and others, so I can be clear and understanding of so much more and attend therapy more regularly. the scariest thing for me right now is knowing that I'm not fundamentally malicious, but have inadvertent malicious tendencies. I am not disappearing and not putting this behind me.
I am aware that this message is about me, but to understand this better, focus and awareness of me and my habits is what I need to do.
I'm sorry and I'll talk to you soon.