Adam Lambert Vietnam · @adamlambertfcvn
12th Jan 2014 from TwitLonger
Transcript of the real Glambert's story shared in Glambert's Radio. Written by hoangthien - a 41 years old, gay, businessman. He has won the 1st prize - Trespassing boxset - from the contest "Adam Lambert in my heart" hold for all Vietnamese Glamberts.
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Dear Adam Lambert Fan Club Viet Nam,
You have chosen a different one to be your Idol, that means you will face a difficult situation on your way. Thank you for being so courageous and altruistic to do this! This is such a meaningful contest. I, myself, have loved the Trespassing album so much and bought it. So, I send this to you just to share my story.
My life has passed 41 years, I am a businessman. It can be said that my life up to now, everything I do have but also have none. I can buy anything I want, except the peace, which I am willing to pay any price to get. Simply because: I am gay!
Since when the university entrance wide opened for me and when my first love hit me, I have known the life storm is coming. 12 years of high school passed by, there were no images of any girls were able to fill my eyes. I excused for myself that the busy study life threw me away. Deep down in my heart, I knew it’s not true. Because I fell in love with you, my tan skin darling from Quang Nam, with curly hair and determined eyes. And you are a boy!
Such a horrible thing! I had thought I was a monster or something. I rushed into the Internet and books to find out what’s the kind I am. After being acknowledged the truth, I still had not predicted what would come next then. Once, I took all my courage and tried holding his hands. He took it back immediately then turned to see me with angry and scornful eyes: “You aren’t that kind of sick thing, are you?” That news has been spreading all around from his mouth. I hid myself in my cave since then. After graduation, I left Hue and moved to Ha Noi to forget the old sad memories, and to avoid my parents’ introduction of some girls to me.
I worked hard like crazy! And became a successful businessman as I am now. I had wasted my life in some aberrations. I had some love that leading nowhere. I had flirted with some girls too, made them fall in love and then turned it into tragedy. I knew how to make a lot of money, and I knew how to waste them! I was a bad boy in Ha Noi, wild and crazy. I became a gentleman everytime I came back to my hometown just to please my parents. They always started their story with the sentence: “Hoang, you are 41 years old already, how about starting your own family son?” And I always start to think about my life with the darkness, deadlock like the tiny lanes in the shims. I hated everything, especially myself.
Until that day, I heard by chance a song that one of my staff playing: “Mad World”. This vibrated my heart. I searched the singer’s name. And here it was: “Adam Lambert”. He looked like a flamboyant, rebellious, ostentation guy. That used to be my first impression about him. Such a good singer, I thought, but there’s no chance. He’s definitely gay, I guessed. Soon after then, the media announced it. At that time, I felt gloating. Don’t know why I was cruel like that. I just thought: “So, have you known how to be hurt? That’s the lesson you have to learn boy! Why do you dare to dream when you were born this way like me?” He lost, as I predicted. “That’s how the life goes boy! Come back to your place, hide carefully and live in patience, waiting for the day this life passes away!”
But he didn’t do that way. He came out, he admitted. “You will have to pay for this!” I thought.
As the way this mad world runs, he did meet many obstacles after then. It was a surprise for me that he still smiled, still lived, held head high and was faithful. He kept continuing fighting for the equality that in my opinion, the outstanders always scream louder and get much more than what we really have. Some of my friends hate Adam. They think he’s fake. I didn’t. I thought he was brave and resilient. No weak man can be out there and live with that kind of truth. I just thought he was some kind of delusion somehow. So I ignored him, turned back to my own life. Just sometimes heard about him when my friends mentioned about.
That day! I came back home, drunk so bad. I ran into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. Looked at me in the mirror, I realized I was old. I have lived so long and I felt bored with myself. My lover will marry with a woman next week. “This is what the life will be, we all will die in vain and tears.” – that’s what his last words to me. Running, I have running from my heart for the whole life. Now I want to die
But I did not die that night. There’s no way to explain why I did that; I came back to my room, turned on my laptop and googled the name Adam Lambert after a long time. I did want to make sure that he died. And… he didn’t. He even released a new album. Damn! Why? How can he live like this? Does he has a secret? A magic?
I clicked onto the link, and a video appeared. Not like the catch, boom bing rhythm I have heard the 1st album somewhere, there was a pathetic lyrics: “They say we’ll rot in hell, but I don’t think we will”. “Don’t die, please don’t die, we have run so far, but don’t die”. It seems like he talked in my head. I cried. That night, I spent whole time listening to all the songs of Trespassing. And in my head, a sad film slowly played: the hopeless, the hurt, the deepest… feelings that can’t be proved.
“Underneath” – Adam really came deeply into me at this night. He did a surgery to my soul. There’s not many ones out there, even the ones who are raising the rainbow flags, knew exactly what the people like me have to face. No one wants to dig that deep. Who knows what will happen if tomorrow I come to my company and come out? I would lose everything in this society and my parents would die ‘cause they can not accept it, and they never will. But Adam might know. He surely knows. He can understand my tracks of tears, he can feel the dark sky always covers above my life. He knows this isn’t easy at all!
But, when I turned off the laptop, after such a long time suffering all that unfair, hurtful, and hateful things, even like that, on the screen I saw that night, still a smiling Adam was there. Then I understood what he wanted, why and how he has lived that way. He wants me to look at him, and live. He wants to show me that it will alright. He has been suffering, and been OK, for me to see. That will be fine, he told me by living his life, and don’t die.
I hadn’t had enough courage as Adam. I still choose to keep silence. Don’t blame me for being weak! I have to. But there’s one thing has changed in me: I don’t wanna die anymore. I will live better than ever. ‘Cause Adam has shown me the way: we can be abnormal, but as long as we live the life as good as the others, we can hope to find love. The love for this life, for ourselves, and somehow, the love from the others, like the fans give to Adam!
I took a flight to HCM city, I paid more than 8-million VND (~$400) for a ticket to enter Hennessy Artistry from the black market ‘cause the show did not sell tickets. In return, I can face Adam. My little prince was shining, proud, and safe on that. At last I feel “peace and safe” somehow. When I witnessed many young and straight fans screaming his name and the love spreading on their faces that night, I thought that I should feel that way. Hope you guys, the one are his fans, know how difficult the road that someone like Adam has to take, has been and will be. Then, PLEASE LOVE HIM TO THE FULLEST!
Thank you, my boy, Adam!