A CAPTIVE SET FREE - a true story about my life behind the cameras with my ex fiance Ty Roderick

It seems almost as if he had the face of an angel the moment I met him it was like he was meant to save me and I was meant to save him the night I laid in his arms after we shot our first movie together it was the safest we had both felt in a long time. It was apparent that no matter my status as a porn princess at the time and he a young man struggling on his own fighting addiction and trying to survive in the world at that moment we were just two human beings that wanted to be loved. He held my hand and kissed me goodbye that morning as I went off on a two-week filming project in the woods of Oregon with some of your most popular transsexual starlets to date. He called me everyday all day long and I little girl fell in love with his charms two weeks later I was in his arms again he proposed to me and I was his. I wanted him to feel equal so I showed him the truths about the industry so he understood that it was a business and not a lifestyle to be lived and that we could be extremely successful both separately and together and build a wonderful life that would one day include the children that would become my step daughters. I took my vow to be his future wife with the most honorable intentions and prepared to stand by his side through thick and thin. I began to focus on building him a career that would rival my own because his request was that I retire from adult public life because I was his future wife my place was in the home I respected him as my future husband so I began to fade out quietly as we build him up. At the same time I stopped filming I became very requested in the media world interviews books TV and radio shows appearances and began to win awards and this attention caused much anger and resentment in him and a few months into the relationship the abuse began. Verbally mentally and emotionally it began to slowly but surely chip away at me but I was still very confident woman and I challenged him that challenge lead to the first physical act I was in shock it wasn't pain more as it was disbelief that my champion and protector would want to hurt me. I think I became scared when private situations got worse and worse and I would be locked away at home against my will days upon days and told that it wouldn't matter if I was gone because as long as someone tweeted for me and texted my friends and family nobody would be the wiser but this abuse was marked by violent sexual acts a way to completely dominate and submit me and in some strange way because he found pleasure in it so did I because it marked the end of the volital episode "Stockholm Syndrome" when done to me because I sympathized for him and felt when all the abuse was done and sexual violation complete I was told you are my wife and its your duty and I felt that obligation. Many award shows appearances and redcarpets went by where in my ear the most vile things were said and yet I still had to smile for the cameras. I won't go into details due to legal events we don't need people digging for police records and such but even though I stood by him through the worst privately the more popular he became publicly the worse he became internally. Upon moving out to Los Angeles drug use became prevalent in his life he began to escort and use very powerful substances and watching him headed south broke my heart he began to have affairs while I sat at home for days wondering if he would make it back alive I didnt care about the "small" things I just wanted him safe all dignity to the ground and ego aside. I remember having a dinner conversation with one of the most famous porn directors in his industry Chi Chi LaRue years before in vegas and she explained that such an extremely high percentage of the talent pool in gay porn were HIV positive let alone percentage in the community outside of porn. I began to pull myself away from him physically out of fear but I never wanted to leave him because that was the one promise he begged me to honor our whole relationship because everyone had abandoned him so my blind loyalty held me close to him as I watched him abuse himself so that he could abuse me in turn. It was a viscous cycle almost E true hollywood story style yet he easily played the victim convincing unknowing people with his charm until many got to know me and the real story and found the monster lurking within and the truth of his nature. I really had to walk away after being used and abused over and over again even if I loved him. He would shoot all of these movies with the top studios and escort non stop "mostly to feed his addiction" and the next time I would see him every dollar made was gone. I tried to invest in his future to give him a way out I tried to help him financially to keep his independence but ended in me being used and hurt and told I was no longer needed when it was time for him to repay or keep his end of the bargain an awful cat and mouse game we played. He eventually moved on to a situation with a former pornstar friends X lover he was having an affair with the entire time we had rekindled and it made sense as she was a drug addict as well who happily supported a lifestyle of drug use at night and fitness lifestyle by day to mask and create the illusion of healthy living so I walked away wishing him the best as it seemed they fit each others desires. I do not tell the story to cause ill will I tell the story because it is a burden I no longer wish to carry into my love life, into my personal relationships, and into 2014. I say goodbye to all painful memories so that I can truly love with a pure heart we had an incredible journey and everyone that knows us knows how strongly I loved that man and still I do. I hope one day soon he gains full clarity that he needs and fights the demons he has been letting win In his soul since childhood abuses I wish him love and can only hope that one day he will be the angel I met so many years ago I know that it's hard to see your mistakes when you're surrounded by people who enable counterproductive behavior for their own gains. I happily announced my retirement because I have been absent the DVD market and shooting for other companies when I was trying to save my relationship I truly believe that porn was a major factor in what caused our demise as a couple and as friends. One day soon if he is half as powerful as he always made me believe in fear he was he will realize that the attention he is getting is merely adoration for allowing himself to be used by people years down the line he will never see again there is no power in being a product for someones else in the porn world. Gain clarity dear boy own your mistakes stop burning bridges and hurting those who loved you and turn into the man you were meant to be and you will win not just for yourself but for the girls who call you daddy Marie, G & Ara. As for me I walked into the new year a fully realized woman stronger than I ever imagined I could be realizing that I have the most amazing capacity for love after what I have gone through .... and the things I have in store to accomplish in 2014 well you all just have to wait and see. I'm not broken I am more powerful than I have ever realized before. And the true details well beyond this story will change many lives I hope as I set out to create change in the lives of young women having gone through and still surviving the same things I once did

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