Josh Barro · @jbarro

28th Dec 2013 from TwitLonger

Here are my responses to Lynn, the Facebook messager with a lot of very personal questions about my sex life.
Dear Lynn:
That's a lot of questions. I'll have to take them one by one.
"I have male friends, but I've never wanted to have sex with any of them. I've always preferred to be with a woman."
That's interesting. You know Lynn is usually a woman's name, right? I'm going to proceed under the assumption that you're a heterosexual man named Lynn and not a lesbian.
"Do you have any idea why you prefer men?"
My understanding of the science is that sexual orientation is in significant part determined by genetic factors and the prenatal environment. I have a biological older brother, which changes the hormonal environment in the womb in a way that increases the likelihood of homosexual orientation.
There's an evolutionary theory that, in large families, gay offspring improve inclusive fitness by making their siblings more likely to raise children to adulthood. In other words, by being gay, I'm around to help my brother take care of his kids, so they can have more kids.
Sexual orientation also appears to be partly determined by factors other than these, and therefore likely by the postnatal environment. I'd note that environmental factors during childhood don't necessarily imply choice. For example, Japanese people do not have any genetic inability to differentiate 'l' and 'r' sounds, but a child raised in a Japanese-speaking environment will lose this ability by age 2; though he can learn as an adult to make the different sounds in speech therapy, he'll never be able to learn to hear them differently.
So, I suppose my attraction to men was determined by a combination of genetic factors and pre- and post-natal environmental factors, but I don't know exactly what combination.
"Do you dislike women because of your mother or some other woman?"
I like women just fine; I just don't want to have sex with them. I don't think my lack of sexual attraction to women has anything to do with my mother or any woman in particular.
"Did your dad or another man force themselves on you?"
"Or did you just come to realize that you preferred men?"
Yes, this one.
"Have you ever had sex with a woman?"
No. I am not at all sexually attracted to women but I'd like to have sex with a woman someday, out of pure curiosity.
"I assume you have sex with other men, right?"
You're pretty insightful there, Lynn.
"What do you and your male partner do during sex?"
Most of the things you're imagining and a number of things you probably haven't thought of.
"Do you let them perform anal sex on you?"
Sometimes, sure.
"Do you perform oral sex on them?" Do you let them cum in your mouth?"
I sometimes do all of these things, yes.
"I would think you'd feel degraded by these acts. On the other hand, if the roles were reversed, you might feel like you have power over them. Do you feel degraded or powerful or is it just as exciting either way?"
Sometimes sex has a significant power exchange component, which can be great in either the dominant or the submissive role. But usually it's more egalitarian than that. Getting fucked can be degrading (in a fun way) but it doesn't have to be.
"Do you ever think about how people feel about you?"
Frequently. Doesn't everybody?
"For instance, when someone looks at your photo and imagines a man's penis in your mouth. Does that not embarrass you?"
Until now, it hadn't occurred to me that people might be imagining that. Is that what you imagine, Lynn?
"What if they look at your picture and imagine a man fucking you in the ass? Either one would embarrass the hell out of me."
I think you may have some issues to work through, buddy.
"If I were to ever become gay, I could never let anyone know it."
You seem to have given a lot of thought to me with a penis in my mouth. Most of the people who think about that are gay. Is it possible that you're already gay?
"I don't understand how you could be proud of it."
I wouldn't say that I'm proud of being gay. It's just a fact about me, like my height or my birthplace. I am proud about being open about my sexual orientation and not taking to heart when people like you write me ignorant letters about it.
"I think Phil Robertson feels the same way. He doesn't hate you; he just doesn't understand why you would want to be gay or even allow the world to know that you are."
I think Phil Robertson spends a lot less time thinking about me sucking dick than you do.

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