A breakdown of the changes and tweaks in the early April 2012 draft of the Kick-Ass 2 script, compared to the final film, in chronological order:


- The opening scene of Mindy shooting Dave in the chest with handguns originally was to be a slow introduction back into the world, with a newscaster covering the rising superhero movement by interviewing costumed heroes.

-----------
A cheesy music STING carries us to a LIVE SHOT of a REPORTER.
REPORTER
They may wear costumes but it’s not
Halloween -- they’re real life
superheroes -- and in the two years
since the first ordinary citizens
donned capes and masks, the movement
has started to spread...
We hold on her for an awkward beat, then CUT TO: PHOENIX JONES,
an African American man in a gold mask walking the streets of
New York. (NOTE: the following superheroes are not fictitious,
they are real people from the doc “Superhero”).
PHOENIX JONES
I’ve got mace/tear gas here. A taser.
Haven’t caught anyone yet -- suit
makes it kind of hard to run.
REPORTER (V.O.)
And he’s not alone...
CUT TO: A dweebie guy in a cape and helmet called MR. EXTREME.
MR. EXTREME
You just come home from work, kiss
your girlfriend, get your gear and go
on patrol.
REPORTER
So, you have a girlfriend?
MR. EXTREME
I meant it more... metaphorical.
REPORTER (V.O.)
Even a married couple...
CUT TO: a large MAN with a huge Z on his chest. His WIFE stands
next to him, dressed like a red catwoman.
WOMAN
I told him he had to stop being
Zetaman, but he loved it so much, so I
said, “then I’m gonna do it with you.”
REPORTER
And what’s your superhero name?
WOMAN
Apocalypse Meow.
CUT BACK TO: the LIVE SHOT. Widen out to reveal our hero, DAVE
LIZEWSKI, a.k.a. KICK-ASS. Dave’s more than a little selfconscious
about being on camera in his green wet-suit and mask.
REPORTER
With me now is one of the first real
life superheroes, Kick-Butt.
DAVE
Actually it’s --
REPORTER
Live TV. So how long have you been
doing this?
DAVE
Since I was like, sixteen.
REPORTER
Was it Red Mist who inspired you?
DAVE
What? No -- I started this, way before
Red Mist.
REPORTER
But why do it? Why risk your life
every night?
DAVE
I don’t know... a desire to help? To
get off my ass--ssets and, uh, try to
make the world a better place.
REPORTER
(back to the camera)
There you have it: a young man with an
infectious need to lend a hand. How
big will the movement swell? Only time
will tell. Rick?
As the Reporter wraps up, we SNAP out of the news coverage and
into a CLOSE UP of Dave --
DAVE (V.O.)
Of course that was all BS. The truth
is I had no clue why I did it... why I
still wore the mask.
---------

- The scene with Dave, Marty and Todd in Dave's house watching TV during the opening credits used to take place in a coffee shop.

- Additional scenes between Dave and his girlfriend Katie had the two in a movie theater, and then having sex at her house.

---------
INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT 7
Dave waits in line with his girlfriend, KATIE, super cute and
super excited for her life to get started.
DAVE (V.O.)
Katie didn’t want to talk about the
future either. Probably ‘cause she was
gonna dump me when she left for the
University of Maryland in the fall.
Not that I blamed her, we were both
sort of going through the motions...
8 INT. KATIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 8
Dave and Katie do the deed, cowgirl style. She stifles a YAWN.
We cut to Dave’s POV: instead of Katie on top it’s a sexy MILF.
DAVE (V.O.)
When we were doing it sometimes I
found myself thinking about my English
teacher, Mrs. Vane.
We cut back to Katie on top of Dave... she closes her eyes.
DAVE (V.O.)
I felt like shit about it, till one
night Katie moaned --
KATIE
Old Spice...
DAVE
Did you just say “Old Spice?”
KATIE
What? No -- just keep going.
As Dave tries to get back into it, we cut to Katie’s POV, but
instead of Dave on the bed, it’s the GUY FROM THE OLD SPICE TV
COMMERCIALS. She grinds a little harder.
----------

- A scene very early on had Kick-Ass getting jumped by some muggers in an alley after being lured in, and then getting killed. But it was just a dream.

----------
EXT. THE BRONX - DAY 11
Dave walks down the block as Kick-Ass.
DAVE (V.O.)
Guess the real reason I still wore the
mask was that I was just happy to have
an identity... even if it was a madeup
one.
A few pedestrians wave and cheer. He’s a local celebrity.
DAVE (V.O.)
I mean, who cares if I didn’t have a
clue who “Dave Lizewski” was gonna be?
I had the rest of my life to figure
that out... right?
FEMALE VOICE
HELP -- SOMEBODY HELP!
It’s coming from a dark alley. Kick-Ass SPRINTS towards the
distress call, turns the corner and finds: FOUR THUGS. But no
victim? A skinny thug SCREAMS in falsetto --
SKINNY THUG
HURRY!
Dave nervously backs away. The rest of the thugs CRACK UP...
HAIRY THUG
Look, it’s Kick-Ass, all alone...
DAVE
Very funny.
HAIRY THUG
Actually, we’re big fans...
SKINNY THUG
Yeah, man, you’re famous... you called
the cops on my brother.
HAIRY THUG
My boy, Tito, too.
Dave goes for his batons -- too late -- the thugs OVERPOWER him
easily, pinning him to the ground.
HAIRY THUG (CONT’D)
We figure six of our friends got
busted ‘cause of you. So maybe we bust
six of your fingers?
They bend Dave’s fingers back -- CRACK -- BREAKING them one at a
time. He FIGHTS back -- starts to pull free -- until one of the
thugs sticks a gun in his face -- COCKS the hammer.
DAVE
(terrified)
We’re even, okay? You broke my
fingers... that’s fair, right?
HAIRY THUG
Didn’t your pops teach you nothing,
homie? Life ain’t fair.
Before Dave can respond -- GUNSHOT -- his face goes SPLAT.
As the hoods flee, we tilt up from Dave’s dead body to some
graffiti on the wall... which is also the title of our movie:
KICK-ASS 2
CUT TO:
KICK ASS 2 - 04.18.12 7.
12 BLACKNESS 12
And we just sit there... staring into the abyss.
DAVE’S VOICE
Am I... dead?
(panicked)
Holy crap, I’m dead. This can’t be
happening... I’m never gonna go to
college, start a career, get married --
I’m never gonna watch my favorite
movie -- whatever it is -- again. I’m
never gonna see my Dad or Mindy or
anyone. How could I be such an idiot?
A bright light starts to come towards us...
FEMALE VOICE
Dave?
DAVE’S VOICE
Mom? Oh shit, I’m not ready. Mom, I
love you but I’M NOT READY.
FEMALE VOICE
DAVE.
13 INT. KATIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 13
Dave SHOOTS up in bed, soaked in sweat. Katie’s next to him --
KATIE
Dave -- you’re gonna wake my parents.
DAVE
I -- I thought you were my Mom.
KATIE
That’s... weird.
DAVE
I don’t mean -- I had this dream --
KATIE
You dreamed I was your Mom?
Katie looks like she just threw-up a little in her mouth...
DAVE
I’m sorry, can we just... cuddle?
KATIE
Relax... it’s all gonna be okay...
As she closes her eyes and snuggles up, we hold on Dave’s face.
DAVE (V.O.)
But it wasn’t, not unless I did
something to make sure. This superhero
thing wasn’t a game or a movie... it
was real life. And if I was gonna keep doing it, I couldn’t do it alone."
----------

- Mindy used to be much more crass and vulgar, especially towards Dave. She was also a year younger, at 14.

----------
DAVE
Can we talk?
MINDY
Talk is for pussies.
Mindy hails a taxi...
DAVE
Please, Mindy --
MINDY
I don’t have time for your Facebook
fudge-packers or your HPV petri-dishgirlfriend.
While you’re walking
around in a wet-suit living out some
adolescent fantasy, I’m living in
reality, training so I can actually
make the world a better place and not
just stammer about it on the local
news like some mouth-breather.
A cab stops and Mindy gets in. Before she can SLAM the door --
DAVE
You’re right. Which is why I want to
start a team... a superhero team.
She looks at Dave... he holds her gaze.
MINDY
I’m in the NFL, Dave -- you play
pee-wee.
DAVE
You can train me.
Mindy exhales. Fuck it, why not?
KICK ASS 2 - 04.18.12 9.
MINDY
Then get in the cab, meter’s running.
DAVE
I’ve, uh, got this English final...
but I can meet you -- after school?
Mindy rolls her eyes... then scrawls an address on a receipt.
MINDY
Be here at 4:30. And don’t be late.
DAVE
It’s a date.
As she slams the cab door...
MINDY
God, you can be so queer sometimes.
----------

- The scene between Dave and Mindy training in Big Daddy's safe house was much longer.

----------
INT. BIG DADDY’S SAFE HOUSE - DAY 18
Dave enters the training room, Mindy’s waiting.
DAVE
Ready for our “date?”
She ignores him. Boys.
MINDY
Do you even know how to fight?
DAVE
Did alright against Chris’s Dad.
MINDY
You had a jet pack. And a bazooka.
DAVE
So what do you want me to do?
MINDY
Hit me.
DAVE
You’re a fourteen year-old girl.
Dave blushes -- so Mindy SLAPS him.
DAVE (CONT’D)
What the hell?
MINDY
Act like a bitch, get slapped like a
bitch.
She SLAPS him again -- harder. Pissed, Dave takes a SWING -- but
Mindy side-steps it.
MINDY (CONT’D)
Weak.
Dave throws another punch -- Mindy easily evades it.
MINDY (CONT’D)
Don’t hurt your vagina.
Dave tries one more time. Like a cat toying with a mouse, Mindy
finally goes in for the kill -- SWEEPS his legs and puts him on
his ass -- her pink sneaker on his throat.
MINDY (CONT’D)
This fourteen year-old girl just ate
your lunch.
KICK ASS 2 - 04.18.12 12.
Dave pushes her foot away -- stands to leave.
DAVE
Didn’t sign up for this --
MINDY
What did you expect, moron? This isn’t
The Karate Kid, you don’t wax cars for
a month and end up with a black belt.
My dad would’ve had you doing a
hundred one-arm push-ups for all this
whining.
DAVE
Like you can do one-arm push-ups --
She drops and gives him five. It’s impressive.
MINDY
I’m not messing around, Dave. If you
want to start a team with me, you have
to eat when I tell you, sleep when I
tell you, and stop acting like such a
limp dick.
Dave takes a deep breath... and then holds up his fists.
DAVE
Bring it.
----------

- When Marcus confronts Mindy for skipping school outside their house, Mindy cracks a joke referencing Matthew Vaughn, Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.

----------
Mindy walks down the street with her Pink and Pretty Kitty
backpack. Marcus is in the driveway, bringing in the trash cans.
MARCUS
Hey, Min. Good day at school?
MINDY
Miss Goldman was out so we had Mr.
Vaughn teaching science class. Man, he
is such a grouch. Can you believe he
put Johnny Romita in detention for
talking to Mark Millar?
----------

- Another scene at Big Daddy's safe house has Mindy giving Dave a cape for his Kick_Ass outfit, that would turn into a wingsuit.

----------
INT. BIG DADDY’S SAFE HOUSE - DAY 24
Mindy gives Dave his own cape -- he’s not into it.
DAVE
I look like an idiot.
MINDY
You’ll look like Stephen Hawking if
you fall off a building without it --
She extends her arms with a SNAP -- turning her cape into
an actual squirrel suit.
MINDY (CONT’D)
It’s a glider not a fashion statement.
Dave’s eager to change subjects..."
----------

- During this scene there was also a flashback with a younger Hit-Girl receiving the Adrenaline shot (then, it was PCP), from her father.

----------
Mindy pulls out her utility belt. She pops open a compartment,
revealing: a pink and pretty kitty pen.
MINDY
Daddy knew there were worse things
than death... like being trapped in a
cage. The years he was in prison were
the worst of his life... that’s why he
gave me this.
DAVE
A Pink and Pretty Kitty pen?
She pushes a button and a syringe POPS out.
MINDY
With enough PCP to kill a rhino.
Off her face PAN TO the other side of the room, revealing:
BIG DADDY in full costume, talking to a much YOUNGER HIT GIRL.
BIG DADDY
If you’re ever in trouble, child, and
you can’t escape, just give yourself a
little prick...
Eight-year old Mindy examines the syringe.
HIT GIRL
How will I know, Daddy, if I should
use it?
BIG DADDY
I’ll tell you, child, and you’ll have
to obey. Swear to me.
HIT GIRL
I swear, Daddy.
She looks up into her father’s loving eyes...
BIG DADDY
Cross your heart?
HIT GIRL
Hope to die.
We PAN back to the 14 year-old Mindy and Dave in the present.
Dave looks at Mindy... her life has been so... strange."
----------

- After Chris announces himself as The Motherfucker to Javier, he has Javier fire the tutor that came to their mansion.

----------
Chris strikes a pose in the mirror -- just like Dave did in the
last movie when he first got the wet-suit.
CHRIS
Red Mist was my superhero name.
Hence forth, I’ll be known as...
The Motherfucker.
Javier shakes his head in disbelief as he exits --
JAVIER
Your tutor’s downstairs, Chris.
Chris strikes another pose, calls after Javier --
CHRIS
Fire that fat bitch.
(singing)
School’s... out... for... ever..."
----------

- During Dave's first alley fight without his costume and gear, a pedestrian sees Hit-Girl taking on the muggers and calls the police that eventually come. She also doesn't settle for just cutting off the last mugger's hand.

----------
BACK IN THE ALLEY 29
Dave watches as Mindy walks up to the last hood, the one who had
the knife...
HOOD
P-please, don’t kill me --
MINDY
Only if you promise you’ll give up
your life of crime. That you’ll go
back to school and study to be a
veterinarian and that on weekends
you’ll volunteer at a dog shelter.
HOOD
I promise...
MINDY
Pants on fire.
She STABS him in the face -- killing him instantly. Dave is back
on his feet and he’s not happy.
MINDY (CONT’D)
Whadya think?
DAVE
I THINK YOU ALMOST GOT ME KILLED.
MINDY
No, what did you think of my line,
“pants on fire?” I wrote a whole list.
My second choice was, “you are the
weakest link.”
----------

- Instead of using her Hit-Girl Ducati to race Marcus home after she is outed on the police scanner, Mindy takes the subway.

----------
INT. SUBWAY STATION 33
Mindy LEAPS over the turnstile -- barely makes the train --
34 INT. MARCUS’S CAR 34
Marcus RUNS a red light -- SWERVES through traffic --
35 INT. SUBWAY TRAIN 35
Mindy sits quietly in costume, covered in blood. EVERYONE stares
at her... including Mr. Extreme from the newscast.
MR. EXTREME
Are you... hurt, little girl?
MINDY
It’s cool -- it’s not my blood.
MR. EXTREME
Oh, okay.
(beat)
Wait, then whose --
Before he can finish, the train stops and Mindy RACES out --
----------

- When Mindy goes to Brooke's house for the sleepover, they watch a scene from Twilight: New Moon instead of the Union J music video. Afterwards Mindy tries to leave, and Brooke threatens her with bullying.

----------
Brooke tries to stop Mindy --
BROOKE
Mindy, I only asked you over because I
felt sorry for you -- you’re our
charity case for the month, everyone
at school already knows. If you walk
out of here, we’re gonna have to cyberbully
you ‘till your black dad really
does find your neck in a noose.
As Mindy blows past her...
MINDY
I’ve survived worse twats than you.
------------

- During the Justice Forever meeting, Colonel Stars & Stripes is said to have an additional character trait: a "wicked smoker's cough".

- Insect Man was originally a police officer, not gay.

- After asking Kick-Ass to join Justice Forever, Colonel Stars doesn't make the "initiation" joke.

- When Dave and Marty are walking through the school halls feeling badass, they pass Mindy at the lockers. Instead of her bumping into the Mean Girls and going to the cheerleading tryouts with them, they humiliate her.

----------
They pass a visibly envious Mindy -- who turns away so quickly
she practically runs into Brooke, Harlow, and Dolce.
BROOKE
Hey Mindy, have you seen Glee?
MINDY
Couldn’t pay me to watch that crap.
BROOKE
Then you probably won’t think this is
as funny as we do.
The girls throw slushies in Mindy’s face and LAUGH. As Mindy
wipes the frozen mess away...
MINDY
You know I could blind all three of
you with a spork, right?
BROOKE
Try it, whore -- I’ll own your house.
They GIGGLE and prance past Marty, still whispering to Dave...
----------

- During the first Justice Forever patrol, Col. Stars reveals his dog Eisenhower's secret identity (this was cut from the movie).
----------
EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY 56
Kick-Ass and the Colonel patrol the streets with his dog.
Night-Bitch and Insect-Man bring up the rear.
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
I don’t care about enforcing the
law... that’s what cops are for. For
me, it’s about justice. Balance. Isn’t
that right Eisenhower?
The Colonel pets his masked German Shepherd.
DAVE
I thought your dog’s name was Sophia?
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Shhh... Sophia is her secret identity.
Dave smiles, scratches the dog’s head.
DAVE
Your secret’s safe with me...
----------

- Colonel Stars has more interaction with Kick-Ass during their patrol and volunteering scene together. As well, the team performed further good deeds.

----------
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES (CONT’D)
Sure, I’d like to only take down bad
guys. But this is the real world --
57 INT. SOUP KITCHEN - DAY 57
The entire Justice Forever team works the line in full costume,
handing out meals to the homeless
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
-- not some comic book. We can’t just
go out and find crimes in progress...
we have to find people in need.
A HOMELESS MAN takes a bowl --
HOMELESS MAN
God bless you.
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Same to you, little brother. Don’t
forget to get some bread.
Night-Bitch hands the homeless man a dinner roll. The Colonel
COUGHS violently while Dave fills up a little BOY’s bowl.
DAVE
Here you go.
Dave watches him shuffle off with his family.
DAVE (CONT’D)
I was so focused on stopping all those
assholes --
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Language.
DAVE
Jerks -- who mugged me for my cell
phone, that I never thought about the
people who didn’t have cell phones...
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Before you can be a hero, you have to
be a human being.
FEMALE VOICE (PRE-LAP)
Help -- PLEASE!
58 INT. PARKING STRUCTURE - NIGHT 58
A GRANNY, 80’s, is panicked -- turns to see:
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
What can we do for you, Ma’am?
The Colonel’s with Remembering Tommy, Battle-Guy, and Kick-Ass.
GRANNY
My car... it was stolen.
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
You sure this is where you parked it,
little sister?
She’s clearly too embarrassed to admit the Colonel’s right.
GRANNY
I, uh, think it was stolen... it’s a
LeBaron, Maroon.
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Alright, team -- before we call the
police, let’s fan out and see if we
can help this nice woman find her
vehicle.
The team searches until... Dave YELLS from across the structure.
DAVE
Over here, Colonel!
The granny approaches her car...
GRANNY
Thank you, young man... you’re a real
hero.
She hugs Dave. He shoots the Colonel a look... he gets it now.
----------

- When Justice Forever confronts the Chinese bouncer in the alley, Col. Stars doesn't use his Betsy Ross axe handle; instead he takes him down with hand to hand combat only. Betsy Ross used to be replaced with two baseball bats used by Col. Stars and Insect Man.

- After Jimmy Kim tells Col. Stars that the prostitutes are being held upstairs, he send Battle Guy along with Kick-Ass and Night Bitch to rescue them. There's a fight scene.

----------
INT. UPSTAIRS APARTMENTS - MOMENTS LATER 68
Mr. Kim’s younger brother, TEDDY, is studying, when the door is
KICKED open, revealing our costumed heroes.
TEDDY
Holy shit --
Dave SLAMS his baton into Teddy’s gut, Marty CRACKS him in the
head with his shield -- putting Teddy down for the count.
Night-Bitch heads into the bedroom, helps the girls cover-up.
NIGHT-BITCH
I know we look weird, but we’re here
to help.
----------

- Col. Stars originally let Eisenhower's ball-biting scene get more brutal.

----------
INT. SEEDY HOTEL - SAME 71
Sophia is still CLAMPED DOWN on Mr. Kim’s man-berries.
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
So you bring girls from China, promise
them work in the restaurant, and then
force them to work as prostitutes? Bet
you make them give you freebies, too?
MR. KIM
Fuck off --
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
Ike?
The dog DIGS in -- until there’s a POPPING SOUND.
MR. KIM
OH JESUS CHRIST MY FUCKING BALL!!! HE
POPPED MY BALL!!!!
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
No more freebies for you.
72 EXT. SEEDY HOTEL - MOMENTS LATER 72
Justice Forever is waiting when the Colonel emerges.
DAVE
That was amazing.
----------

- When Chris and Javier are coming up with the Toxic Mega-Cunt members, the character of Genghis Carnage used to be two separate asian gangsters: “General Tzo” and “P.F.Chang.”

- Instead of showing Mother Russia lunging at her helpless cellmate, "She beats
a PRISON GUARD to a pulp... more blood than a Tarantino flick."

- In the scene where Justice Forever's ranks are growing, the additional secondary heroes that went unnamed had introductions.

----------
DAVE (V.O.)
But there wasn’t much crime. The
reality of being a superhero is lots
of patrols. But that didn’t stop
people from begging to join up...
- We start to see some new FACES patrolling with our team...
DAVE (V.O.)
There was the Bronx Rocket-Man... I
didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d
flown a real jet-pack. His was made of
balsa wood.
- We pan from ROCKET-MAN to a GUY with a massive head lamp and
surgical scrubs, posing for the camera, called:
DAVE (V.O.)
The All-Seeing Eye -- that guy
couldn’t stay out of the papers.
- A WOMAN in a Phantom of the Opera mask hands out flyers...
DAVE (V.O.)
A girl from Chelsea named Moon-Bird.
Even a social activist called The
Enforcer who worked the subways.
- A PERV on the Subway tries to grope a FEMALE COMMUTER. A GUY
in a Lucha Libre mask gives him a look: I wouldn’t do that.
DAVE (V.O.)
Other teams popped up, too. Crime was
down all over because of us... real
people, making a real difference.
----------

- When Todd storms out in his Ass-Kicker get-up after Dave and Marty make fun of him, he specifically says he's going to join The Motherfucker's team.

- During Mindy's date with Simon the jock, the events unfold differently. Instead of being taken out to the wood and ditched, Mindy's followed and ambushed in a parking lot.

----------
EXT. BRONX - NIGHT 78
Simon’s SUV drives through a tough neighborhood... an Escalade
follows them, keeping its distance.
MINDY (O.S.)
Where the hell are we?
79 INT. SUV - CONTINUOUS 79
Mindy spots the Escalade... her spidey sense tingling.
SIMON
This is the quickest way to the movie
theater --
MINDY
This is the quickest way to get
carjacked, you moron.
Simon puts the SUV in park.
SIMON
What’s your problem?
Mindy looks behind them... no sign of the Escalade now. Maybe
she’s just being paranoid?
MINDY
I’m sorry... you’re right. I’ll stop
being such a bitch. You seem like a
nice guy...
She gives him a smile... he smiles back. He is kind of cute...
SIMON
Wanna hook up?
MINDY
And a total fucking idiot.
EXT. BRONX - NIGHT 80
Mindy gets out the car --
SIMON
Mindy, wait --
Suddenly that Escalade pulls up -- boxing them in.
MINDY
Simon, get back in the car. Now.
The Escalade doors open and four JOCKS in letterman jackets
drinking 40’s stumble out. That’s when Mindy realizes --
MINDY (CONT’D)
This wasn’t the quickest way to the
movie theater, was it?
SIMON
Through the Bronx? No. This was the
quickest way into your pants.
The jocks all LAUGH -- it was a set-up.
SIMON (CONT’D)
We know the truth about you, Mindy.
MINDY
I’m pretty sure you don’t...
SIMON
Brooke told us about your gang bang
fantasy... and we’re here to deliver.
MINDY
Brooke.
Mindy’s more annoyed with herself than anyone else. How could
she have been so stupid?
MINDY (CONT’D)
I could tell you that you’re about to
make a big mistake, that I’m gonna
break all your arms and end your
athletic careers -- even though they
were probably gonna end in high school
anyway -- but you’re all such a bunch
of knuckle-draggers it won’t make a
difference, will it?
They all LAUGH... Mindy doesn’t even blink. One jock can sense
that she’s deadly serious...
JOCK 2
I, uh, think I’m just gonna go.
He puts his 40 down and exits -- quickly.
SIMON
Chicken shit.
Before Simon can turn his attention back to Mindy, she SHATTERS
the 40 against his skull. The jocks RUSH her, but Mindy’s too
fast.
Soon they’re just trying to defend themselves -- it’s all so
surreal. Remember the scene in Monty Python’s Hold Grail, when
the bunny attacks the knights? It’s a little like that.
Mindy doesn’t kill anyone -- she’s too disciplined. But she does
FLIP one guy -- then BREAKS his arm -- SLAMS another guy’s head
into the car -- BREAKS his arm, too -- and then STOMPS on the
last guys nuts, before --
MINDY
As promised --
CRACK -- breaking his arm. Simon tries to crawl away but it
ain’t easy with two compound fractures. Mindy picks up a 40...
MINDY (CONT’D)
Fun fact, Simon: the only people who
have gang bang fantasies are evil boys
who dream about being sodomized.
SIMON
Wh-What are you gonna do...?
MINDY
Make your dream come true.
Mindy JAMS the 40 up his butt so hard it RIPS his pants.
----------

- Colonel Stars' death scene was much more graphic, in ine with the comic book.

----------
EXT. ALLEY - MOMENTS LATER 88
The Colonel exits the side door with his dog...
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
I don’t see anyone out here...
The dog BARKS at the open front door of the restaurant...
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES (CONT’D)
Bobby must’ve forgot to lock up.
The Colonel heads back inside through the front door of the
restaurant, locks it with a CLICK.
89 INT. JUSTICE FOREVER HQ - MOMENTS LATER 89
The Colonel walks down the steps from the restaurant. Sophia is
still BARKING like crazy in the alley...
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
I’ll be right there, Sophia...
DEEP VOICE (O.S.)
I do not think so.
The Colonel spins around to find Mother Russia, in full costume.
She’s holding a trench knife...
MOTHER RUSSIA
I think tonight you die.
The Colonel pulls out his .45 -- points it at her --
COLONEL STARS AND STRIPES
You better get out of here....
MOTHER RUSSIA
You will not shoot me.
Mother Russia does a roundhouse KICK -- CRACKS -- the Colonel in
the face. He spits up some teeth, tries to fight back -- but
it’s no use. This woman is a lethal force of nature.
MOTHER RUSSIA (CONT’D)
You are superhero. You help people.
You do not hurt them.
In a FLASH -- Mother Russia BURIES her knife in his gut. From
the shadows emerges, Chris... in full Motherfucker gear.
----------

During the TMC's attack on the Justice Forever HQ, Col. Stars tries to call for help, eventually drawing the police to find his body.

----------
The Colonel gets his phone... dials with his bloody hands...
9... 1... 1...
MOTHER RUSSIA
You want me to gut him?
CHRIS
Nah, let’s trash this place first...
They demolish the Justice Forever headquarters. The chairs with
the hand-painted names... the new logo on the table... all that
the Colonel and Kick-Ass built, destroyed in a few moments.
Chris spots the Kinko’s bag the logo was in... and the invoice.
CHRIS (CONT’D)
“Miranda Swedlow?” Who’s that Sal? She
one of the whores on your team?
Chris does a quick Google search on his phone... a facebook
image of Miranda Swedlow comes up. She’s a red-head, just like
the picture on the wall...
CHRIS (CONT’D)
(reading)
Night-Bitch... snuggled up to Kick-
Ass. Our boy’s got a new hot pocket.
Mother Russia grabs the Colonel... the bloody phone slips
through his fingers. Sophia is still barking outside.
MOTHER RUSSIA
Want me to kill his dog?
CHRIS
The dog? I’m not that evil...
As Chris turns to exit, he nonchalantly orders Mother Russia to:
CHRIS (CONT’D)
Cut the old man’s head off and stick
it up his own ass. You guys hungry?
I’m starving.
90 EXT. HOT DOG CART - NIGHT 90
A COP is getting two hotdogs when his PARTNER in the car flips
on the flashers --
PARTNER
Forget it -- we got a 911 call three
blocks from here --
91 INT. JUSTICE FOREVER HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT 91
The COPS descend into the darkness... flashlights in hand and
weapons ready. Outside, Sophia is still BARKING.
Their lights move across the debris of what was once the Justice
Forever headquarters... but right now it looks like a hurricane
came through. One of their flashlights finds...
The body of the Colonel. The cops GAG.
PARTNER
Is that his head... in his ass?
----------

- Mother Russia's assault on the police officers involved more gunfire and explosions - and no lawnmower.

----------
GENERAL TZO
Leave it to Mother Russia. She makes
ten times what we do...
Mother Russia pulls out an MK-19 automatic grenade launcher --
MOTHER RUSSIA
Fifty thousand a week.
BLACK DEATH
For real?
She cocks the weapon.
MOTHER RUSSIA
Plus expenses.
FWOOSH -- she fires the MK-19 at the first cop car -- the
grenade explodes -- the car FLIPS, engulfed in flames.
100 INSIDE THE SECOND POLICE CRUISER 100
Mother Russia strides through the smoke towards COPS 3 and 4.
COP 4
Reverse it -- NOW.
Too late -- she pulls an UZI -- riddles them with bullets.
101 INSIDE THE THIRD POLICE CRUISER 101
The COPS jump out -- weapons ready. They can’t see anything
through the smoke -- it’s like a war zone.
COP 5
Frankie was in that car --
COP 6
Screw that -- SWAT is on the way.
COP 5
He’s my kid’s Godfather -- cover me.
Cop 5 makes his move -- Cop 6 begrudgingly covers him. They push
through the smoke... nothing but silence and the CRACKLE of
flames. In the distance they see two bodies...
COP 5 (CONT’D)
They’re dead -- shit.
Behind them the door of the bullet-riddled cop car slowly
opens... Mother Russia emerges in silence behind them...
COP 5 (CONT’D)
(clueless)
Where the hell did she go?
102 DOWN THE STREET 102
Another patrol car waits -- two more COPS hold their positions
behind their open doors. They hear GUNSHOTS. Then nothing.
Out of the smoke... a cop car rolls towards them.
COP 7
Hell yeah -- they made it.
That’s when they see that no one is behind the wheel.
The cops RUN for cover as the unmanned cop car SLAMS into
their’s. Mother Russia emerges from the smoke, easily picking
off the exposed police officers.
103 UP THE STREET 103
The fifth and final police cruiser is stationed -- two terrified
Unis cower behind the trunk --
COP 9 (INTO RADIO)
We need back-up -- eight men down --
CRUNCH -- they both look up to see Mother Russia stride onto the
roof of their car.
MOTHER RUSSIA
Think you mean, “ten.”
They SPIN to fire -- too late -- she puts them both down.
----------

- Dave's visit to see his father is county jail was longer, with more heartfelt interaction.

----------
MR. LIZEWSKI (CONT’D)
I don’t know why you got mixed up in
all this, but I need you to promise me
that you’re never going to dress up in
that outfit again.
That’s the last thing Dave wants to do... but his father has
sacrificed so much for him. What else can he say?
DAVE
I promise.
MR. LIZEWSKI
As long as you’re safe, I’m happy. I
know I’ve made some mistakes... didn’t
pay enough attention to you, your
schoolwork --
DAVE
No, Dad -- you kept our family
together after Mom died... you’re the
real superhero.
Mr. Lizewski smiles at his son.
MR. LIZEWSKI
Thanks, Dave. That means a lot to me.
A BUZZER sounds, visiting hours are over. Dave’s not ready to
say goodbye...
DAVE
I’m so sorry, Dad... so sorry for
getting you locked up in this place...
MR. LIZEWSKI
Hey, c’mon... I can handle myself...
Mr. Lizewski catches a look from a particular nasty CONVICT
heading back to gen-pop.
MR. LIZEWSKI (CONT’D)
...everything’s going to be fine.
----------

- After Chris complains to the construction worker about the shark in the TMC lair, Uncle Ralph calls him from prison to reveal a more sinister plan.

----------
CHRIS
Don’t screw me over -- you said we’d
be ready days ago and we haven’t even
got a mens’ room yet.
Chris’s phone RINGS -- checks caller ID. It’s unlisted.
CHRIS (CONT’D)
Yel-low?
114 INT. RYKER’S ISLAND - INTERCUT WITH ABOVE 114
Uncle Ralph hisses into a contraband cell phone --
UNCLE RALPH
What the hell are you doing, Chris?
CHRIS
I’m doing what you should have done,
Uncle Ralph. I’m making Kick-Ass pay
for what he did to our family.
UNCLE RALPH
No, you’re acting like a fucking
retard. You’re giving the cops
permission to do whatever they want.
CHRIS
And they’re arresting superheroes --
you should be happy!
Annoyed -- Chris hangs up. Uncle Ralph hands the contraband cell
phone back to one of his GOONS... and smiles?
UNCLE RALPH
Playing that kid like a violin...
Leaving us to wonder... what’s Uncle Ralph’s plan?
----------

- During the funeral for Dave's father, the TMC attack is initiated not by grenades and tear gas, but detonating booby-trapped gravestones around the cemetery.

- The freeway van chase sequence featured a longer scene, and a shot of innocent bystanders getting taken out by rogue bullets.

----------
ON THE ROOF 123
Mindy loses her grip -- ROLLS off the top -- but at the last
second -- GRABS the side-view mirror. The van SWERVES again --
but Mindy holds on.
INSIDE THE VAN
Dave bounces around with the dead bodies --
DAVE
GEEEZUS --
124 OUTSIDE THE VAN 124
The mercenary riding shotgun takes aim at Mindy --
An OLD COUPLE driving a station wagon FREAKS --
KICK ASS 2 - 04.18.12 94.
Mindy SWINGS up on the side-view mirror and FLIPS onto the roof,
just avoiding the gun fire which BLASTS the station wagon.
MINDY
Those were innocent people --
----------

- Instead of having The Tumor pull over to a scrapyard, Mindy and Dave interrogate him inside of the van. Also, Mindy speech to Dave is wildly different.

----------
EXT./INT. FLORIST VAN - SAME 126
Mindy SWINGS back down -- points the Glock at the Tumor.
MINDY
Pull-over, shit-breath.
Dave emerges from the pile of bodies in the back as the van
comes to a stop...
DAVE
What the hell is going on?
MINDY
Relax, dude -- cavalry’s here. Now get
into costume -- we’re gonna finish
this once and for all.
(to the Tumor)
We know Chris D’Amico is the
Motherfucker -- where’s he hiding?
TUMOR
Eat a dick.
MINDY
You’re gonna eat yours if you don’t
start talking.
THE TUMOR
Go ahead, shoot me, you little bitch.
There’s nothing you can do to make me
talk.
DAVE
(to Mindy)
I can’t do this right now -- it’s my
Dad’s funeral.
MINDY
It’s gonna be your’s, too, if you
don’t grow a pair... it’s time to stop
taking shit and start giving it. Now
help me find some pliers, I’m gonna
make this guy eat his own dick.
----------

- Back at the safe house while gearing up for the finale battle, Mindy gives Dave the keys to Big Daddy's motorcycle, and they ride out together.

----------
INT. BIG DADDY’S SAFE HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 129
Mindy’s grabs her gear and guns. Dave looks nervous...
DAVE
I posted the address... you think
they’ll show? Chris has an army.
MINDY
These real-life super dweebs have been
waiting all their lives for a call
like this.
Mindy tosses Dave a set of keys.
MINDY (CONT’D)
You can drive my Daddy’s bike.
DAVE
Really -- why?
As Mindy finally puts her Hit Girl mask back on...
MINDY
‘Cause you sure as shit ain’t gonna
fit on the back of mine.
130 EXT. BIG DADDY’S SAFE HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 130
The garage door ROLLS open as Dave ROARS out on a black Harley.
It’s pretty badass.
Mindy ROCKETS past him on a purple Ducati -- does a wheelie.
Incredibly badass.
----------

- During The Motherfucker's address to his evil army at the warehouse, he has a snafu with the songs played by the DJ.

----------
CHRIS
AWWWW yeah... have I got a show for
you, biotches!
Fronts like he’s a Gangsta -- nods to Black Death: hit the
music. After a beat... One Direction starts playing --
CHRIS (CONT’D)
(horrified)
Not that -- track 2. Track 2.
Chris RUNS over to the ipod -- changes the track. And Public
Enemy’s Fight the Power KICKS in. Turns back to the crowd --
CHRIS (CONT’D)
You feel me now?
Chris starts chanting “FIGHT THE POWER,” dancing up a storm,
thrusting his hips -- really getting his freak on -- and the
crowd loves it.
----------

- When Justice Forever shows up to the warehouse as back-up, the lead up to the fight is prefaced by more dialogue between the characters.

---------
There are about as many heroes as villains... might actually be
a fair fight. Mindy holds her two swords across her chest and
smiles... casually extends both her middle fingers for Chris.
MINDY
Avengers assemble, asshole.
Chris actually looks a little nervous. Some of the less
enthusiastic villains head for the exits.
CHRIS
Get back here -- now.
DAVE
What’s the matter, Chris? Your shit
just hit your shorts?
Kick-Ass steps up to Chris. This is it -- it ends now.
CHRIS
Oh, it’s on... like Donkey Kong.
They begin to circle like two fighters in a ring.
DAVE
You’re gonna pay for what you did to
my dad.
CHRIS
Your dad? You blew up my dad with a
bazooka.
Mother Russia mad-dogs Hit Girl... Mindy holds the bigger
woman’s gaze. Bring it, bitch.
Doctor Gravity and Battle-Guy whisper to each other...
DOCTOR GRAVITY
When is this gonna get started?
MARTY
Anticipation is killing me...
He’s got Mindy’s sick stick.
MARTY (CONT’D)
You know how to turn this thing on?
Chris finally shoves Dave. They’re both pissed -- but they’re
both too scared to throw the first punch. It may look like the
beginning of a superhero brawl, but this is the real world --
and in the real world most fights start with a shoving match.
CHRIS
Get your hands off me, homo!
DAVE
Make me, shit-waffle.
MINDY
Would one of you pussies throw a
punch?
They PUSH each other at the same time. It’s messy and definitely
NOT choreographed. Finally --
NIGHT-BITCH
I know how to get this started...
She WHISTLES and points at Chris -- who turns just in time to
see Eisenhower RUN up and CLAMP down on his balls.
CHRIS
SWEET-JESUS?!?!?!
WHAM -- Dave DRIVES his FIST into Chris’s face --
DOCTOR GRAVITY
(to the heroes)
What are we standing around for?
----------

- Answering a question everyone wanted to know, a police cruiser sees the battle taking place and calls in back up for a riot.

----------
OUTSIDE 134
Where a cop car cruises by... sees the battle pouring out of the
warehouse and onto the streets. His PARTNER GRABS the radio --
PARTNER
Dispatch, superhero riot in progress --
----------

- Mother Russia and Hit-Girl's fight is much longer, with more dialogue, and more brutal. Instead of Mother Russia injecting Hit-Girl with the Adrenaline shot, HG does it herself.

----------
INT. EVIL LAIR - SAME 135
It’s uncontrolled, undisciplined chaos. The only trained
fighters in the mix are Mother Russia and Hit Girl. They trade
blows like pros in the ultimate MMA death match. And the MTV
Movie Award for best fight goes to:
MOTHER RUSSIA
I watch your fights online. You are
good, but you rely on the weapons too
much. What happens when somebody takes
toys away?
Mindy SWINGS her sword at Mother Russia’s legs -- the big woman
STOMPS down on the blade -- and BREAKS it -- for real.
MOTHER RUSSIA (CONT’D)
I am former Spetsnatz. KGB officer.
Trained in Jijitsu, Muay Tai, Savate,
Krav Maga. Who was it they said
trained you?
Mother Russia delivers punishing blow after punishing blow. She
CRUSHES Hit-Girl’s hand -- BREAKING all the bones.
MOTHER RUSSIA (CONT’D)
Your father? The comic collecting cop?
Mother Russia PICKS Mindy up and --
THROWS her into the 120 inch plasma TV in the VIP area.
The flat screen SHATTERS into thousands of shards -- falls on
top of Mindy. She rolls over in pain... Mother Russia CRUNCHES
through the broken glass towards Hit Girl’s crumpled body.
MOTHER RUSSIA (CONT’D)
I am paid so much money for wearing
silly costume. Why do you wear it?
Daddy made you?
Mindy’s out of options. Knows she going to die. Reaches for the
Pink and Pretty Kitty syringe in her belt.
MINDY
No... but he... gave me this...
MOTHER RUSSIA
You would take your own life?
MINDY
That’s not what it’s for.
Mindy PLUNGES the syringe into her own chest.
Her pupils dilate -- the PCP kicks in -- and she goes total
fucking monkey nuts on Mother Russia, JAMMING glass shard after
shard into the big woman’s roided-out body -- until --
Mother Russia FALLS over dead, a bloody glass porcupine.
An exhausted Mindy turns and sees: Marty and Todd. Awestruck.
MINDY (CONT’D)
A cunt that big deserves a lot of
pricks.
----------

- Police, SWAT and news crews descend on the warehouse.

----------
EXT./INT. EVIL LAIR - SAME 136
Dozens of cop cars and SWAT vans ROAR up -- arrest escaping
villains. NEWS VANS and ONLOOKERS have started to gather.
Inside, the heroes stand victorious as the remaining villains
flee...
NIGHT-BITCH
Yeah, you’d better run!
The heroes are beaten and exhausted but they’re smiling. They
did it. Outside they see the flashing police lights...
DOCTOR GRAVITY
And here comes the calvary.
----------

- Kick-Ass and Motherfucker don't head to the roof during Hit-Girl and Mother Russia's fight. They tussle more inside the warehouse before the police charge in, sending them fleeing to the rooftop. Their final confrontation is slightly longer.

----------
DAVE 137
Punches an exhausted Chris... he sucks wind. The fight’s over.
DAVE
It’s done, Chris. The cops are here to
put your ass away.
CHRIS
No -- I can’t go to jail -- my uncle
will kill me.
DAVE
You don’t have a choice, dude.
Dave waves to the cops through the open garage doors,
searchlights SHINING behind them.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Over here, officers!
But no one is waving back. They’re pulling on RIOT gear...
getting ready to storm the lair.
NIGHT-BITCH
I don’t like the look of this...
Suddenly TEAR GAS grenades are launched inside --
DOCTOR GRAVITY
Wait -- this is a mistake!
Too late -- the cops RUN in with their batons --
RIOT POLICE (OVER LOUDSPEAKER)
ON THE GROUND NOW -- DO NOT RESIST.
Chris RUNS for the stairs to the roof --
DAVE
He’s getting away --
The cops don’t care -- they’re arresting anyone in a costume.
TOMMY’S DAD
We’re on your side!
CRACK -- he gets hit with a police baton.
INT. STAIRWELL 138
Chris SPRINTS to the roof -- Dave right behind him --
DAVE
Chris -- STOP.
139 EXT. ROOFTOP - MOMENTS LATER 139
Dave BURSTS onto the roof -- but there’s no sign of Chris.
Where’s he hiding?
Suddenly -- WHAM -- Chris hits Dave with an old paint can filled
with rusty nails. Dave goes down -- HARD.
CHRIS
You’re such a pussy -- what’s the
point of wearing a mask if you can’t
do what you want?
Dave blinks to stay conscious -- trying not to black-out.
DAVE
We want... to do... good...
CHRIS
No, people want to win the lottery.
They want to fuck Angelina Jolie. No
one wants to risk their life for some
moron who went for a stroll in the
projects.
DAVE
I. do.
Dave ROLLS and KICKS Chris in the balls -- he doubles over --
CHRIS
What was that -- cheap shot?
DAVE
That was for the Colonel.
Dave KNEES Chris in the chin --
DAVE (CONT’D)
That was for Night-Bitch.
Dave brings his baton down on the back of Chris’s head -- CRACK.
DAVE (CONT’D)
And that was for my Dad.
Chris spits up blood... holds up his hand.
CHRIS
You win...
And with the other hand THROWS some rusty nails in Dave’s face --
CHRIS (CONT’D)
...the asshole award.
Dave blindly SWINGS his baton -- Chris easily ducks it --
but TRIPS on his own cape -- falls towards the open skylight.
Dave REACHES out and grabs Chris -- starts to go over, too --
but GRABS the edge of the skylight with his free hand.
----------

- After Chris falls into the shark tank, his epiphany is more genuine.

----------
CHRIS
I’m alive... I’m alive.
He looks up at Dave -- born again. His sins washed away...
CHRIS (CONT’D)
(yelling)
Dave -- you were right -- I do want to
live! I’m so sorry, man, for
everything -- I’m gonna spend the rest
of life making this right, I promise --
Suddenly -- CHOMP -- the shark YANKS him back and forth. Chris
SCREAMS like the girl in the opening of JAWS. Guess Mother
Russia was right... the shark was just hungry. The water turns
crimson as Chris disappears below the surface...
----------

- After Dave takes off his mask, police spot him on the roof and go in after him.

----------
And with that, Dave takes his mask off. Drops it over the edge.
As he turns away, one of the police officers below looks up and
sees Dave’s silhouette --
RIOT POLICE (INTO RADIO)
There’s another one -- on the roof.
141 EXT. ROOFTOP 141
Dave jumps back as the door behind him opens -- it’s Mindy.
She’s moving slowly... the PCP clearly took it’s toll.
MINDY
I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
We need to get out of here -- now.
DAVE
Oh, shit. They saw me.
INT. STAIRWELL 142
SWAT teams SWARM in -- RACE up the stairwell towards --
143 EXT. ROOFTOP 143
Dave and Mindy -- trapped. Panic sets in --
DAVE
They’re going to throw us in jail --
My Dad died in there --
----------

- Mindy draws the attention of the police and SWAT officers, and the scene at the end of the film in front of Dave's house with her plays out, but on the warehouse rooftop.

----------
Mindy takes a deep breath. Knows what she has to do.
MINDY
There’s only one way you’re getting
out of here.
Mindy steps to the edge of the building -- and WAVES to the
police officers stationed outside.
MINDY (CONT’D)
Hi, Mr. Policeman!
The riot police see her on the roof -- BARK into their radios --
RIOT POLICE (INTO RADIO)
Hit Girl’s the one on the roof -- use
whatever force necessary.
Dave pulls her back.
DAVE
Why’d you do that?
MINDY
So you could escape.
----------

- After kissing Dave, Mindy uses her cape/Wingsuit to get away, and then surrenders to the cops like in the comic. Dave gets away.

----------
Before Dave can respond, Mindy does a SWAN DIVE off the roof.
It’s a 70 foot free-fall -- onlookers GASP -- until she extends
her arms with a SNAP -- turning her cape into a squirrel suit.
DAVE (V.O.)
Mindy said the one thing her father
never wanted for her was prison...
Time slows down as a back-lit Mindy floats through the air --
no jet-pack this time -- this girl is flying on her own now.
DAVE (V.O.)
But she faced it... for me.
It’s a moment of pure grace that makes your heart soar. Dave has
no choice but to watch from the shadows as Mindy lands in the
middle of the riot cops and surrenders. The other heroes CHEER.
DAVE (V.O.)
That’s when I finally understood where
my life was going.
Dave turns and RUNS -- finally making the LEAP in slow motion
from one roof to another, before escaping into the night...
----------

- After the fight is over, there is no rooftop Justice Forever victory celebration. Mindy is seen locked away just like in the comic.

----------
EPILOGUE MONTAGE 144
- Cops muzzles Eisenhower while the members of Justice Forever
are led away in handcuffs...
DAVE (V.O.)
Just like it had to happen eventually,
that real people would try to be
superheroes...
- Mindy wears a straight jacket, locked in a padded cell.
DAVE (V.O.)
It had to end eventually, too.
----------

- Chris' scene in the hospital is intercut with Uncle Ralph secretly meeting with the Chief of Police.

----------
- Chris sits alone in the hospital... he survived the attack.
His arms and legs are stumps now. A glass of water with a straw
sits just inches away... but it might as well be miles.
CHRIS
A little help...? Anyone...?
DAVE (V.O.)
Superheroes can't exist in the real
world for a reason...
- The Chief of Police and Uncle Ralph meet in secret...
CHIEF OF POLICE
Your idiot nephew did what we needed
him to do.
UNCLE RALPH
With no one playing Batman, business
should get back to normal.
DAVE (V.O.)
It’s because the real world needs real
heroes.
----------

- The ending scene has Dave training in the safe house with the same voice over monologue, and there are no blueprints for the metal Kick-Ass suit. Instead, there are plans for Mindy's upcoming jailbreak in Kick-Ass 3 on the walls.

-CREDITS

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