Copy from the April 2010 #Manning email to his NCOIC, then Master Sergeant Adkins

"This is my problem. I've had signs of it for a very long time. It's caused
problems within my family. I thought a career in the military would get rid
of it. It's not something I seek out for attention, and I've been trying
very, very hard to get rid of it by placing myself in situations where it
would be impossible. But, it's not going away; it's haunting me more and
more as I get older. Now, the consequences of it are dire, at a time when
it's causing me great pain it itself.

As a result, I'm not sure what to do about it. It's destroyed my ties with
my family, caused me to lose several jobs, and it's currently affecting my
career and preventing me from developing as a person. It's the cause of my
pain and confusion, and turns even the most basic things in my life
extremely difficult.

I don't know what to do anymore, and the only "help" that seems to be
available is severe punishment and/or getting rid of me. All I do know, is
that fear of getting caught has caused me to go to great lengths to
consciously hide the problem. As a result, the problem and the constant
cover-up has worn me down to a point where it's always on my mind, making it
difficult to concentrate at work, difficult to pay attention to whatever is
going on, difficult to sleep, impossible to have any meaningful
conversations, and makes my entire life feel like a bad dream that won't
end.

Like I said, I don't know what to do and I don't know what's going to
happen, but at this point, it feels like I'm not really *here* anymore, and
everyone's concerned about me and afraid of me. I'm sorry.

v/r
SPC Bradley Manning

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