Jeff · @Jeevesmeister

2nd Jul 2013 from TwitLonger

@CastIrony The OUYA a $100 Android device that, well:

1. The fan doesn't blow the hot air out of the vents.
2. The company mismanaged its stock so badly that it is now impossible to know whether you'll get a retail or backer version no matter how you buy.
3. They didn't think through hardware internationalization at all and nearly had shipments of Ouyas destroyed for not meeting international safety mark standards.
4. .. And they marked their international backer shipments as gifts because they think customs are stupid enough to not notice something is wrong with 20+ identical gifts sent at once from a corporate address, thus making their customers obliged to pay a penal duty top up.
5. The customer service doesn't exist. The only way to get a reply is to tweet publically about the problem, but it won't be a helpful reply.
6. It's meant to be open but it HDCPs the output.
7. It's meant to be open but it has no recovery mode and thus can be permanently bricked.
8. It's meant to be open but it requires an Internet connection and a credit card number to even boot it up.
9. The analog sticks don't return their positions properly.
10. In attempting to fix 9 the developers made so many changes that it's now impossible to tune the controls of a game because a different console/controller might be returning different values for the same motion. Tuning the controls of a game is incredibly important.
11. The buttons on the controller can get stuck under the faceplate.
12. It uses its own download service, which is glitchy and slow.
13. It uses its own download service, which doesn't have much content on it.
14. They claimed they wanted to solve the problem of indie channels being unprofitable because they are flooded with crap, but did absolutely nothing to try to solve this.
15. ... So their channel is flooded with crap.
16. ... And most of the good games are already available on mobile phones.
17. ... And the ones that aren't are 4-player local multiplayer, but the console only comes with 1 controller. Another 3 will cost you $150, giving a total price of $250, for which you could buy a 360.
18. There's no password entry or anything for the in app purchases, so if a game can trick you into mashing buttons it can pop up the purchase screen partway through and have you OK it with a button press before you even notice anything.
19. It's based on the free to play model which has a low conversion rate,
20. It advertises itself as budget and cheap, and it's not good business to develop a game for a console aimed at people who don't have any money.
21. It advertises itself by its ability to run illegal emulators.
22. They ran their demo in the parking lot outside E3.
23. The unofficial forum admin accidentally included a hentai link in their sample development screenshot.
24. .. And Ouya themselves included the word "redtube" on their official twitter feed.
25. They're going to update it every year, causing massive platform fragmentation.
26. ... And potentially making it the most expensive console available year-on-year.
27. Amazing Frog.
28. The Secret of Universe Alpha which has a PC demo that installs a bitcoin mining trojan onto your computer.

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