John Johnson · @BrainwashdMoron
25th Jun 2013 from TwitLonger
@katiejmbaker @JessicaKRoy @girlwriteswhat I must confess: I was the one who sent the email to Katie and made the mistake of referring to her as "Karen," for which I apologized). She didn't hesitate to tweet about the mistake publicly, though, and now she's claiming (hopefully in jest?) that she will perform a "dramatic reading" of my "lengthy, unsolicited email.”
Her behavior strikes me as a bully tactic, akin to the shaming punishments that were used in the past to keep people in their place. There was nothing in my email that was flagrantly offensive or aggressive in tone. Moreover, she is a journalist who makes her email address available online with the ostensible purpose of inviting the public to send her feedback. Therefore, it would seem odd of her to mention my email in the context that she did. If nothing else, it will discourage those who disagree with her from contacting her in the future.
I am a feminist, and I believe that male privilege exists and continues to exert a pernicious influence on society. Moreover, I think that the push against "niceness" in men is an outgrowth of our patriarchal society, not of the feminist movement. Having said that, however, I believe that the Nice Guy (TM) motif certainly doesn’t help matters by conflating disingenuous “douchebaggery” (for lack of a better word) with the “mechanical niceness” that many insecure men display toward anyone who intimidates them in public, including attractive women. In my opinion, this "mechanical niceness" is preferable to the sexual aggressiveness of pick-up artists, i.e., men who (proudly) claim never to feign niceness to ANYONE, least of all women to whom they are sexually attracted. Putatively, these "strong" men are only nice to women when they really "mean it," perhaps like John Wayne or Wolverine? (By the way, do you know what I call people who are nice to others only when they "really mean it"? Assholes. Or, rather, patriarchal males, etc.)
I'm disappointed that we cannot engage in a civil discourse in which questions can be asked openly and plaintively. As misguided as my point of view may be, I did express my feelings in an earnest manner, and I think that it is inappropriate for her to respond by exposing me to public ridicule, especially given that she is such a brilliant writer and satirist herself.
The one criticism I have of the feminist movement is that it seems to be presented as a monolithic narrative online. I understand that third-wave feminism is decidedly more inclusive of non-white perspectives. However, even the tweet of Katie's friend ("WHO WILL PROTECT THE UPPER MIDDLE CLASS WHITE DUDES FROM THE WOMEN WHO REFUSE TO FUCK THEM?") seems to presuppose a reality that is, perhaps, more reflective of the experiences of upper-middle-class white women than of the rest of the population of the United States (or of the world, for that matter). If the "Nice Guy (TM)" concern is a matter exclusive to the relationships between upper-middle-class white men and upper-middle-class white women, perhaps it should be stated as such. But if it is, in fact, a universal phenomenon, then perhaps it is a subject matter requiring a bit more nuanced commentary.