I think anyone who has read my tweets over recent weeks could probably pick up that I was depressed. As it turns out, Im quite happy and optimistic in my real life, the depression only hits when I log in to twitter.
I have no interested in Australian politics anymore. Apparently a Liberal went to prison yesterday, I wasnt interested enough to search it, I wasnt even interested enough to ask twitter.
The failure of my Turn Left blog was heartbreaking. I have had blogs for years, but I had never put my heart and soul into any like I did TurnLeft, because at the time I believed it was important.
There were times when I would spend 5 hours and write what I thought was the most brilliant couple of thousand words ever put in one place. Few people would visit. And no one clicked like. Next time.
Next time I would try harder, write better, polish more, research better, edit longer, do more rough draughts, less distractions, and I would write what I thought was my greatest piece ever. Few people would visit. And no one clicked like. Next time. I just have to try harder.
Until I see how effortless it comes to everyone else, and I realise that no matter how much harder I try, my writing will never be well liked, my writing will never change anything.
At 30+ hours a week, I liked to kid myself I was making a difference, but how could I be, if so very few people were reading the blog.
When I announced I was deactiving the Turn left blog, I got a lot of feedback from Twitter, people telling me how much they loved the blog, or loved my writing. But I never got that feedback on the blog. I sound ungrateful for the support I did get, but Im not, thats is probably why I stuck it out longer than I should have. I appreciate the people who said they loved the blog, Im just confused, where were people reading the blog.
I deactivated the Turn Left blog I suddenly found I had more time, I had a good 30 hours or so spare a week. More time to pick up extra work shifts, suddenly I didnt have to choose between catching the bus and buying a toothbrush (Im a community carer, people tell me what I do is important, and I know I make a difference in the lives of the clients, but the pay is appalling).
But, my mind has already turned to my new activist cause. Maybe my new cause will be as spectacular a failure as australian politics was for me, but I can't spend the next 5 months treading water, waiting for the election to be over before moving on.
In my mind Im making lists of people I want to follow on twitter, in my mind Im designing my new blog (will it be pale Princess girly pink, or sexy leather-and-chrome black and silver), in my mind I have already planned the first few posts, spending more time planning my next adventure than I am on Turn Left. In reality, Ive already gone.