Tommy Walkerocious · @teh_tommy
24th Feb 2013 from Twitlonger
David Cage sat alone in his office. The work day was long over, but he remained on his post. The coffee in his cup now being nothing more than a handful of bitter brown goop, the computer screen was the only light source in the room, too small to bring energy to an otherwise dark space, bright enough to light up its only inhabitant. Bright enough to notice David Cage was sweating.
A barely defined old man's face rotated on the screen. A counter in the top-right corner was slowly incrementing. "1000", "2000", "5000", with each increment the face got more detailed. "10000", "20000", the reflection in old man's eyes was so real it could almost show David Cage biting his lips as his body shook slightly. Then the counter stopped. "30024".
"I did it", he said.
"All my life's work, it was leading to this. I have finally achieved emotion. I am going to bring the world characters that will finally be connected with. This is it. We can finally have emotions in video games now. I have breached the 30000 polygon barrier, we can do it. We will all do it. We will do it now, and they will see me for who I truly am."
He stood up and took a swig from the cup, disregarding any downsides to drinking stale coffee. He swung his arms vigorously, knocking down a postal package with a message "HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT YOU FUCKING IDIOT" written on it. He picked up his phone receiver and dialed. The number of tones suggested it was a long-distance call. Area code sounded like Mississipi. The dial tone cut through the otherwise silent room with an almost audible slash. Then again.
"H...Hello?", the voice in the receiver asked with noticeable annoyance.
"Hello Jim Sterling, reviews editor at Destructoid dot com. This is David Cage. I did it. I have achieved emotion. I am ready. We are ready. I can do it. Let's see who's the prick now."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"This is real, Jim. This is very real. I have broken 30000 polygons. We can do it. We have the technology. We have emotions now. Emotions are my kingdom, and I shall wear a crown made of polygons. So many polygons. Each polygon fused with emotions. Do you know about emotions, Jim? I have Ellen Page over here, she knows all about emotions. Ellen, what emotions do you have on your mind right now?"
"I think you're a right fucking nutter, David", said Cage in a poor attempt at a falsetto.
"NO! How many times did we go through this? This is... this isn't right! This is not what I told you to say!", he yelled, gripping the handset with fury. "They must know I'm right! They must know!".
"Fucking weirdo. Tell me, David, have you played anything I've sent you over? L.A. Noire? The Walking Dead? Elite Beat Fucking Agents? You could learn a lot from those. In fact, you could learn everything you need to know from those. Good day. Fucking French crazy bastard...", and with those words Jim left David Cage to digest them.
"NNNNOOOOOOO!", he shrieked, throwing the phone at the floor.
"I am the king! I am perfect! I know my shit and my shit tastes of emotions! I tell stories! I make peoples' lives richer! I heal wounds! I am the alpha and the fucking omega! I am the flame of perfection! Oh yes, a flame! And it will burn! It will burn and the shit will smell! I can feel the shit coming! Oh God, the coffee..."
And with that, his body couldn't tolerate the horrible mixture he poured into it minutes ago any longer. The inside of his trousers only lasted a second before hosting more mud-like substances than a kinky wrestling marathon.
"I know my shiiiiit", he muttered as he fell on the ground, overwhelmed by the stickiness and the stench. The old man on the screen grinned at him as his eyes turned red. "I AM YOU, YOU MADE ME AND NOW I RULE YOUR WORLD. I AM IN CONTROL. I CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. YOUR ASS IS MINE."