I find myself waking up every morning, hoping that the answer to my distress, my anguish, all of it, would be laid out in a clear path before me. I do so in vain; As the bleak world I've become all-too-familiar with comes into focus, I'm left with the sad truth.

All the people I once cared for, loved, and held dear to me have been taken. My friends and family have all become a victim of the monster I created, the monster that I fed. I know why I can never escape, and it's because of this that I know there's nothing left for me.

Let me ask you all something.

Do you know what it's like to have physically created your own personal demons? To stare into a mirror, only to have the ghost of the strong and lively boy you once were stare back? To spite yourself, bathe yourself in the blood of innocent people, CHILDREN nonetheless, with the sick and twisted justification of "survival"?

Look around us. Everyone... EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF US that have similar experiences, that have seen the fucking thing with no face, have gotten nowhere near escape. Some survivors have died trying, even at the hands of others.

Puppet - who had nothing left to his false name but a town that stripped itself of life, all for the boy that I was stupid enough to have killed.

Kyle - who blindly attempts to pick up the pieces amid the chaos. Along with the dreaded circumstances he has to suffer through, I worsened his condition by sending Connor to harm him.

Steven and Nick - brothers that are unaware of each others' existence, that hope to find answers, connections, and for what? What will be accomplished after everything is said and done?

Ryan - who attempts to live normally as the shadow of his lost friend looms over him. He walks in circles as the fucking lights dim further and his hopes of finding answers, as well as freedom, dissipate.

Mark - who lies to survive, to keep his head above water while the strong mental currents carry his weakened mind towards insanity.

Abbey - who succumbed to her silence, allowing for the darkness to take her away from the one person that could save her from herself.

...

Stan.
Who was not able to save the people he loved. Who killed to stay alive. Who took satisfaction in a successful harvest of an innocent child. Who hopes to redeem himself, but knows that, in his heart, he will never deserve the redemption he sought after.

I do not deserve it.

I've come to terms with what has to be done. Regardless of whether or not I get Susan back, or stop Connor, or follow Idolon's clues, I'll never be free of the demons that have haunted me for so long. They've manifested, grown, and thrived on my failures, my sick actions, and my satisfaction of doing the wrong thing.

I hoped that, against all realistic odds, that the world would end today as the Mayans predicted. Yet, here we all are. So, being that I have nothing left to lose, I ought to just get it over with.

This is a suicide note.

I know where Idolon's next clue is, and it's all thanks to the people that assisted me in decoding his previous one. It's at Kevin's house - I've been there once, about a year ago. Whatever Idolon hoped for me to find must be there.

But that doesn't matter.
I'm done with this game.

So close.
And yet,
so far away
from the end.

Reply · Report Post