As some of you may or may not know, I have been getting a bit of hate over Twitter in the past couple months. The worst is that it's from people who don't even know me, or have never even talked to me before. I wanted to tell you guys my story and maybe then people will stop hating.
My name's Kayla and I'm 16. Growing up, I didn't have a dad, well I did, but he was never around because he left my mom and I when I was born. I don't know why he did, but he did. I barely know anything about my dad, I have no clue where he lives, what he looks like, I don't even know his name. My mom has hidden all that stuff from me, I'm guessing because she doesn't want me knowing what kind of stuff he was involved in. The only thing I do know is his last name because I saw it written on the back of one of my baby pictures before my mom changed it back to hers. During elementary school, my friend would ask me if I had a dad or where mine was. I always hated answering those questions because I didn't really know the answers myself. I would always just say "Yeah, but I don't know anything about him" and my friends would just look awkwardly away. I always had a bad feeling that I was, for some reason, getting judged because I didn't have a dad, which is completely stupid because so many teenagers in the world don't have moms or dads, some don't even have any parents. A couple years ago, people from my old school started sending me hate out of nowhere blaming me for my dad leaving. They would say things such as "you're such a brat, no wonder your dad left." They said other things, but I'm not going to write them because they are that rude. My mom doesn't like to talk about it and I'm always afraid to ask her about him because I know she would want to avoid the subject, she always does anytime someone brings it up.
Some of you may also know that I'm a huge Justin Bieber fan. When his first album came out and I heard 'Down To Earth' for the first time, I sat in my room and cried for 4 hours because at that moment, I knew there was someone out there who went through the same thing as I did. To this day that song is one of personal favourites and even though our stories are a bit different, it was nice to know that someone famous, one of my idols, went through the same thing I did as a kid. I've always wanted to thank him for writing and coming out with that song. I haven't gotten the chance yet, but I hope that someday I will because it got me through a lot of tough times.
Another thing I've been getting hate for my looks. I know I'm not the prettiest girl out there, but I don't think people realize that when you tell someone to "go kill yourself," most people ACTUALLY LISTEN. Being called ugly is never a good feeling..in fact, it makes you feel like shit. Especially when guys say it. Guys don't understand that if they call a girl ugly or fat, that girl will do ANYTHING to make them not see that anymore. So many girls have committed because of bullying, and it disgusts me. One of my good friends committed because she couldn't take getting bullied over her weight. One of my best friends tried committing 4 times because he was getting judged over his sexuality. That's really sick and whoever is doing it, needs to get their heads out of their asses and get help, because it's hurtful, disrespectful and it makes you look like a heartless cunt.
I'm going into grade 11 this year. During my grade 9 year, I liked this guy that only one of my best friends knew about. Somehow he found out that I liked him and his comment was "Ew that's disgusting, she looks like a rat." Thankfully my friend had a class with him when he said that, and told me about it. What did I do? Immediately stopped liking him. That not only pissed me the fuck off, but it also made me even more insecure about how I look. People can be so cruel to others, it's unbelievable.
My personality on Twitter may come across as laid back, funny or carefree, but in real life I'm very shy when you first meet me. I've always been like that, even as a child. I was shy when I had to meet new people, I was shy when I had to speak in front of people or do presentations..to this day I am still like that. Last year I ended up loosing a good friend because I was "too shy" for him and he couldn't deal with it.
In my opinion, bullying hurts. Being bullied sucks and being a bully is even worse. People may not think it matters, but the smallest comment could change someone's entire world in a huge way. I don't think any bully would want to wake up in the morning and find out they are the reason someone committed. I'm not gonna lie, it has crossed my mind a few times. The only thing that has stopped me is my family, my true friends, and my idol - Justin Bieber, 1D and Demi Lovato - after hearing Demi's story and how she got through it, I believe that I will be able to also.
I hope that if you have read this, you learned something from it and if you haven't...well..I'll just leave it at that.