Park Jiyeon.

Written by 只如初见_T on http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1742822815
Translated by queen_nnie & citrus_angels
This is just a rough translation and it may not be 100% accurate; sorry!

Park Ji Yeon,

“我希望你，
是我独家记忆，
摆在心底。
不管别人说的多难听，
现在我拥有的事情，
是你，是给我一半的爱情”
独家记忆，也许不只是我一个人拥有着这一半的爱情吧。
(These are lyrics from a song, 独家记忆, so I didn’t translate them.)

Take a look inside Park Jiyeon’s Tieba and you will find a small group of adorable people with similar interests. This group of people will painstakingly search for a video, just to catch that one familiar figure which flashed by for a few seconds of the video. They will then scamper off gleefully to spread the news, just like satisfied little kids who have been handed their favourite candies. All of these just for this young lady - Park Jiyeon.

7th June 1993, Jiyeon was born. She grew up in a family of 4, under the care and love of her parents and older brother. At the age of 5, we would still be asking for toys from our parents and buying snacks. Jiyeon, however, had already begun learning Taekwondo then and it lasted for a long period of seven and a half years. She once thought of becoming a Taekwondo competitor, but no, her ambitions have since changed. It might be due to sudden interest or to fate that she began learning dancing and acting instead.

2007, a 14 year old Jiyeon participated in the APM Model Contest and was awarded silver. She also starred in SG wannabe’s MV for My Love Crybaby & I Love You. In the year 2008, Jiyeon won the Smart Model Contest Daesung Award. Perhaps, modeling was just the first of many goals that she had set for herself. She started attending auditions for many different television dramas, hoping to be spotted and casted into them. We always say that fate loves to make fun of us. But we have to admit that fate does not always do that.

On her way to the “Tae Hee, Hye Kyo, Ji Hyun” drama audition, Jiyeon was fortunate enough to be spotted by CCM and brought to the company. What happened to her was much to the envy of many with dreams of becoming a star. (Though this is what made me hate CCM.)

2009 soon arrived after one and a half years of training fled past. It was announced that CCM’s T-ara would debut on the 29th of July (More details on T-ara’s debut at Hyomin’s post.) and Jiyeon is one of the members. This girl, who just turned 16 at that time, has officially set sail on a long, long journey. She probably did not know of the stormy waves she would encounter in the future.

It is inevitable that new groups would become the subject of much talk and controversies, ranging from the group’s appearance and strengths to each individual member’s trait and background. At that point in time, the one topic that left the deepest of impression in me had to be Park Ji Yeon and Kim Tae Hee. There were endless talks of the 2 of them because of the close resemblance in their appearances. I began to understand how despicable the means used by a company seeking development can be, when a widespread of abuse exploded in all websites, when I saw the vicious words used by netizens, when all these became too much for Jiyeon, leading to her silent cries, when Jiyeon’s reputation was enhanced and when T-ara became increasingly well-known. Perhaps, it was always the plan to make use of the “Kim Tae Hee” face that Jiyeon possesses. Perhaps, the company had already anticipated this outcome. Like many who had already seen through this fact, I could only silently give her my blessings. What else was there for me to do? Hate the company? Hate the boss? Hate them being unscrupulous? No, I sympathized with and pitied her. This was possibly due to us being of similar age.

2009, it seemed destined for them that it would be a tough year, not only for their body, but also their mind and soul. This was especially challenging for Jiyeon who was only 16 then. Thankfully, she received loving care from her unnies, encouragement from her family and support from her fans. Our Jiyeon survived, remaining committed to her dreams, striving on with her unnies.

January 2010, T-ara finally won their very first “Number 1”. In her cute Hanbok, Jiyeon was hugging her unnies, crying. At that moment, Jiyeon tasted victory. Elation touched them like rain, washing away all the bad memories that were once inked onto their hearts.

2010, a glorious year for T-ara, even more so for Jiyeon. The filming of both Jungle Fish 2 and God of Study allowed Jiyeon to make her acting dreams come true. In July, she became 1 of the regular guests in the variety show Heroes. In October, she became the regular MC in Music Core. From singer, model, to actress and MC, everything looked so bright and beautiful. Jiyeon’s individual career was constantly moving forward.

Just as I was feeling happy for you, I became aware of the fact that you might not be able to undertake so many jobs. During the February comeback for I Go Crazy Because Of You, you have already been injured. All you did was go for a checkup hastily at the hospital, not keeping in mind whatever the doctor asked of you. You did not stop immersing yourself in work, filming, for both the music video and your dramas. It was a miracle how your thin and weak body managed to complete such a massive workload. Whenever I see you eating all the different kinds of tonics, the bitterness in my mouth would be exceptionally clear.

Maybe, just like what Sigmund Freud once said: Never underestimate women.

I underestimated your tenacity.

Up until today, I still do not understand what kind of a path Jiyeon took, from the very start until now.

Life can be pretty unreasonable. During times of perplexity, life will arrange a way out of that for you. During times of glory and industry, life will deal you a real hard blow.

I thought 2010 would pass just like that, bringing along with it Jiyeon’s success stories and sweat. I have never thought that such a thing would happen to her. Although I have never looked at any photo or video related to this, this incident has been carved deep into Jiyeon’s heart, into our hearts. October 6th, the appearance of this video rapidly pushed Jiyeon into the teeth of waves, into the sea of controversies. I have no idea how Jiyeon survived. After the incident, whenever Jiyeon recall it during television shows, she would cry, covering her face. Her tears every single time do not surprise me. I just feel sorry for this girl who was just over 17, her workload, her stress levels suffocating her. But now...

I’m not sure when this began, but I no longer pity or sympathize with this girl of similar age to me. She has touched my heart, she makes my heart ache for her.

This love, I’m not sure where or when it started, but I’m sure it goes deep.

A Spanish saying tells us that if one does not perform beyond what one can do, one will never be outstanding.

A life which has been put through misery and ordeals will appear especially eye-catching. Jiyeon, after more than a year, is no longer the juvenile little girl she once was, the even more matured Jiyeon no longer just plays the role of the maknae in the group. She has learnt to take care of her unnies and she has become more experienced and steady.

T-ara’s rising success has led to Jiyeon still being unable to rest, despite having just ended her filming jobs. In fact, it has become worse, her schedules got a lot tighter.

16th July 2011, after the recording for Music Core, Jiyeon fainted. I thought to myself: this silly girl has failed to hold out after all.

26th August 2011, fatigue led to an injury. But at the Roly Poly stage on the 28th, I still saw her figure, and her bandaged leg. Fearing for any accidents, all I did was stare at her every movement.

It was later that I knew that you were sent to the hospital as an emergency right after the performance. I just gave a light smile; images of you smiling on stage just a while ago filled my mind. Why did you have to pretend? That mask you put on made me think you were fine, like before. Should I cry? I did not though. I just smiled, but the smile represented nothing good.

January 2012, Cry Cry stage, an extremely worn-out you insisted on performing, I witnessed you, heavy-headed, exhausted, yet trying your very best to complete the stage even when you were already unable to make a sound. How I wish you could have just fainted, so that you could have a rest.

I think I wasn’t the only one who wept in front of the computer. Even a passer-by would have been touched and felt sorrow for you.

5th July 2012, you left a message on your Fansite saying that you have injured yourself once again. After missing a few Day By Day performances initially, it was comforting when you were finally back on stage, safe and sound. Thank you for allowing me to imagine. Thank you for letting me hold a wishful thinking of you not being injured. Thank you for giving me a reason to deceive myself.

Year 2012, thinking back the 3 years, Jiyeon has experienced too much, time has just passed placidly, calmly.

Even without the fun with high school friends, without the accompaniment, the care and affection from her parents, without that worry-free happiness of most youths, Jiyeon is still contented. Fulfilling her little promise to her father is enough to make her feel joy.

This baby dino was never a crybaby. But she would cry when she mentions her past wounds, pains and sorrow, when she regrets after talking to her parents with a mean tone, when she feels the toil of the sister who helps her with make-up. I think no one will care about the negative rumours and gossips, or at least, those will love her will continue to do so.

Love, is just love, nothing but love. Love is without motives. Love is not demanding. Love is not giving. Love is not receiving. Love is just a status, a condition. When the one you love is beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, you love her. So when she is disfigured, not as beautiful as before, do you not love her anymore? She succeeds, you love her. When she fails, you love her still. Love, is just this simple.

At this dawn of a midsummer day, after writing about you for a whole night, I have just one question for you: My dearest Park Jiyeon, how are you?

Let us pray for her future. Praying is not demanding anything from God. Praying is out of love. The glory, the honour has become shackles. So, let us start all over again.

Reply · Report Post