Okay, it’s been five days since the world figuratively crashed down around us. We are lost. Adrift in a nondescript blank gray landscape, with all familiar landmarks erased. The fandom is meeting this EXACTLY like a death in the family. My own mother’s death is still fresh enough for me to recognize it. And people are coping in as many different ways as there are fans. Boy are we an over-invested bunch, or aren’t we? You know what? Fuck it. I realized this morning that I’ve been, to some degree, ashamed of the fact all along, that I love Twilight, and far beyond that I love those two crazy, talented, bright kids who made it live for us. Fuck it. No more. I loved Twilight. I loved Robert Pattison. I loved Kristen Stewart. I’m a 55 year old man, who can be such a dreamy romantic that sometimes it makes my wife crazy. And do you know what? I still love Twilight. I still love Robert Pattinson. And yes, I still love Kristen Stewart.

Here’s why. And forgive me here. We’re all acting like she betrayed us personally, when the sad and simple fact is that we’re doing it again. We’re intruding. We can’t help it. It’s who we are, who they are, and what we are to each other. They are the celebs, and we are the fans. It’s the nature of things. However, perhaps it’s time to take conscious control of it. To ride IT, instead of letting it ride US. It is in that frame of mind that I write to you today my sisters and my brother unicorns. (sad smile)

Back on Tuesday, the overwhelming emotion in my heart, aside from anger, was embarrassment. I felt like a fool. Kristen betrayed Robert, but that also meant that she’d FOOLED us. All of us. As my wife said, as the pictures emerged; “Of all people, never in a thousand years would I have believed that she could do that. Never.”

Now, four days later, I’ve come to a conclusion. Here it is. She couldn’t, but she did. But she couldn’t. Yes, the pictures are right fucking there in all of their hideous glory. She did, but she couldn’t. The enchanting gamine woman/child that we first met almost half a decade ago could not do this. The well-grown beautiful woman, whose eyes twinkled and glowed when she looked at Robert only a week before, WOULD NOT do this. I may be a romantic fan boy, and you may think I’ve got the biggest case of denial in the history of wronged fans, but I am NOT that kind of fool. I am NOT that stupid. Under the right circumstances I’m the most cynical fucking hard case you ever met, and I’m telling you right now that, regardless of the absolutely damning evidence, it doesn’t add up.

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