What do you tell yourself when everything is as normal as it can be? You have everything you'll ever want? But still.. you can't feel the true colors of happiness. Its not about life, or morals or identity. When it always was that one little bud of hope, dream?
No, I dont have cancer (God Forbid!) or any fatal disease and I'm not going through any worldly crisis (If you would please not consider the general tough time my country Pakistan is going through).
Its just what I am, Where I live and What I hope that's mentally killing me inside,figuratively ofcourse.
I won't go on about silly problems here, so let me get striaght to the point. I'm Ruqyyia (Roo-Ka-Ya), but people mostly know me as Rosey. I live in Lahore, Pakistan and belong to a respected and educated family. My Mom's a professor and my dad's a doctor. And I'm gonna be a doctor; thats what I aim for atleast.
It was year 2010, and a very fine evening in late july. I don't know how to put it, I randomly searched for some music and came across this one 'Eenie Meenie Sean Kingston ft. Justin Bieber'. Well before that, I did know of this kid Bieber because I started reading a fanfiction story one of my canadian friend was writing but I never knew this kid was actually famous.
You know that feeling of euphoria? I can still remember the shockwaves coursing through me when I heard, 'Lemme show what you're missing, paradise...' his voice? Oh My Gosh! Never heard any of his like.. It was amazing.
That day, and now I've been a belieber. Yes, I stayed awake at nights on end to read his tweets or to get him to notice ( And he did! I'm ever grateful!), I would sneak up to the computer lab at my school whenever he'd release a new song just to be one of the first ones to hear them. I got my room bieberified and everything.
But the problem is, thats all I can ever do. Sometimes I feel like crying, I don't know. Might sound lame but doesn't everyone of us beliebers out there hope to see @justinbieber one day? somewhere, some place? some time? But I? I can't.
Why is that so, you ask.
Well here it is, I'm a Pakistani.
1) He'll never come to my country.
2) I can't fly over to see him. Ever. Not because I wont be allowed, but because I just know it can never happen? I mean c'mon.. whatever I say,how many odds are there of me, flying all the way to U.S and actually getting a chance to see him? Zero if you ask me.
He taught me to Believe yes, but why should I entertain false hope and have it crushed at the end of such an excruciatingly long wait. What do I desire? I want to see him. Meet him, once. I wont beg anyone for help, no. Beliebers could help? yes, they would if they felt how I feel. But no, no-one would give a damn about me. Afterall who am I? Just another girl with a crazy love for one Justin Drew Bieber? Its funny, you can laugh.
I just want him to know I exist.I want him to realize there are those who can never even tell him what they feel. He has influenced my life, but I can't tell him thankyou. He's going on his believe tour soon. Its actually heart-breaking when beliebers tweet me, 'Oh! I got the Believe tix.' Or, 'I saw him live,' blablabla.I want them too. I also dream of being the OLLG on his concert. But it all comes back to this one thing, one problem. I live in Pakistan, and its impossible.
I just wish it could happen though. I wish my dream would come true. But I know its impossible.. I'm just scared to believe otherwise...
