So I read @TornForStyles's Twitlonger & decided to go ahead & put mind out there. Thanks for the inspiration girl!
I have been horribly bullied all my life. By my family, my "friends", teachers, even random people I pass in public will have something awful to say to me. I tried to keep my head up. I blocked it out & acted like I didn't notice.
That all changed when i was thirteen years old. The summer before my eigth grade year was like any other until July hit. My daddy had been sick for a long time but the V.A. just brushed him away everytime he went in. He continued to get worse. One day my mom took my sister Eishah & I to the local restaurant called the Farmers Den. It was clear something was up but my sister & I couldn't figure it out. After we ordered our drinks she looked at us & said she had some bad news. Apparently, my daddy had stage 4 oral throat cancer & his battle wasn't going too good but the doctors were still hopeful. I spent the remainder of my summer sleeping in the room reserved for ICU patients families in St. Bernards Hospital. He died August thirteenth six days before school was due to start up again.
I missed the first eight days of school. When I returned I found out my friends had abandoned me. Before my daddy died my ex friend Tiffany & I had an arguement that I still don't understand what was about. I just remember feeling attacked out of left field. I mean our group had all been friends since kindergarten. We had our spats but they never lasted. This one did.. She told me we weren't friends anymore & to basically get out of her life. Well, on the 31st of August my locker had been taken over by one of the girls from my old group named Jessica. It took a good five-ten mintues but she finally surrendered my locker. I was in a haze that day. I don't remember much but i remember being quiet & how people avoided me. Even my group. I just thought it was because of my daddy's death & i should probably give them space to get over their own awkwardness. It wasn't. After everything with Tiffany they had all written me off. It was like i never existed. Sure a few still talked to me here & there when it was just the two of us & nobody was around to witness it but nothing was the same. I was made an outsider, cast away like garbage. I could walk down the halls & nobody notice me. I was surrounded by this ocean of people but I was 100% alone.
It's now Freshman year & a girl named Betsy moved to my school. We were cool at first. We got along. She even stayed at my place with my friend Whitney. I still have a barrett she left somewhere in my house! Well, she apparently was conspiring with my old group to get at me. They succeeded. I was harrassed on Facebook, horrid things were said under their breath in the hallways in school & in class when the teachers weren't paying attention, Betsy's step-sister even threatened me in a Facebook message!(i still have it saved) She said & i quote, "I'll beat you so bad you'll wish you were dead." It got bad. We had to go to the police about everything going on twice. My mom even got a lawyer at one point. Everything blew up one day. After being bullied off & on on a Friday since first period I couldn't handle it anymore. I was struggling to keep things together until 3:10 so i could get the heck out of dodge. Then eight hour English happened. Long story short I was being shoved by a guy in class into Betsy at the book shelf. It hurt & it ticked me off but at the same time it terrified me that it would start more crap between me & my bullies. I got permission to leave the room to use the toilet & I locked myself into the stall & sat in the floor bawling my eyes out. I stayed there until the last 2 minutes of class. I went home locked my self in my room & bawled. I stayed that way for the rest of the day. I was listening nonstop to one of my favorite bands in the world, Simple Plan. I don't remember which song but I posted one on Facebook & dedicated to all the people bullying me. I wrote in it that I missed them as friends but it was time for me to move on & let them go & make new friends. That was it. I didn't bad mouth them, I didn't curse them, or anything like that. Well, word got back to them. On Monday I was confronted by a couple of girls at the lockers & I told them I didn't want to talk about it because they knew what they did to me. Nothing else was said to be about it until gym class. We were excused to go change in our lockerooms. It took my friend Emily a minute to get our things together but then we made straight for the lockeroom to change like usual. Once inside it got stone silent. I mean the kind of silent where you could've heard a feather brush against the floor. Everyone looked at me & glanced around the room & then back at me. I walked to the stalls to wait my turn to change. As a stall freed & I went to enter one of the girls I dedicated the song to cornered me. She was cursing & hollering at me all up in my face. I literally could feel her breath on my face & when it was all said & done I had to wipe her spit from my face. Anyways, she wouldn't let me close the stall & all the girls from the group closed in the exit way so I couldn't escape. It ended with her shoving me back into the stall & me getting my arm cut. I had friends in that lockeroom with & not one person stood up for me or interfeered or even went to get a teacher. I was completely & utterly alone again. I'm Bipolar, not a severe case but things still get to me & that day I was on an emotional overload. I was a mess. I was bawling so hard I was hiccuping. I ran into a family friend at lunch who contacted my mother for me. I talked to the Principal & the officier on campus who both asked me what I wanted them to do about & then proceeded to tell me how it was my fault & basically how i asked for it. My mom blew up. The principal told her how it was my word against theirs so if he was going to punish them he had to punish me as well. My mom pulled me from school for the rest of that day & the next. My mom gave the principal the names of some of the people who were witnesses & he dug into it. He contacted my mom & told her she was right blah blah blah. The girl got one day of in school suspension which is the equivilant of getting caught with your cell phone in class. Even though she shoved me which resulted in a nasty cut on my forearm she got a slap on the wrist & the rules bent for her. If you harm another student at school you're supposed to get out school suspension. The rest of the year I was called a 'crybaby', 'the girl whose mother comes to her resue', & foul things were said about my mother. Things I wouldn't dare repeat, ever. I started cutting. I stopped eating & when I did eat it was a battle to not go throw it up. I started skipping school & i quickly lost my honor roll status. I almost didn't pass. I guarantee you I planned my suicide at least 100 ways. I still struggle today but I'm working towards a better & happier future for myself. I can't say I haven't relapsed because I'd be lying but I'm trying & I'm continuing to fight for myself & my happiness. I couldn't have made it this far though with out 1)friends/family, 2) Demi Lovato, & 3) One Direction's Liam, Zayn, Louis, Niall, & Harry. They literally helped me makes it through my personal hell on earth. I don't wish harm to my bullies/ex-bullies nor do I talk horridly about them or their families. I'm respectful & I will continute to stay that way. In fact I wish them all the best in whatever they do. But I won't become friends with them nor will I pretend to be friends with them. I'm just going to move on with my life. But I'm learning from my past & I'm using it to help others. I'm going to start up an organization at my school called S.A.V.E. (Students Against Violence Everywhere) It's going to help people who were/are being bullied. Guide them & help them through it. Teach people the signs of bullying so they'll know what to watch out for. It'll even help bullies themselves. Help them see what they're doing isn't right & help them figure out why they need to bully others to be happy. If it wasn't for the fact that 1) There are great people at my school & 2) I honestly believe God is using me to help stomp out this bullying, I'd leave schools. But I'm going to hang in there. For the sake of the ones who might just need me. So, a HUGE thank you from the bottom of my heart to Demi, Liam, Zayn, Louis, Niall, & Harry for all you've done for me. Good luck in all you guys do & God Bless You!
Thanks for reading my story & I apologize for the length. I have been told all my life I talk a lot :)
God Bless You Everyone & please share my story!

Reply · Report Post