S†ratford Prince ♛ · @wowitsbiebah
25th May 2012 from Twitlonger
(Dear Justin project)
Dear Justin,
So my struggles started when I was about 6-7 years old. I’ve always had a speech disorder called: “stuttering” To the average person it seems like just a repetition of words, but to people who have gone through this for years it’s something more than that, way more. I always thought that my stutter was something that could never go away. Stuttering is not an easy thing to deal with. Every single day is a new battle, just to speak. When I get asked to read in my English/Irish/French class I freeze, people stare and sometimes they laugh. The feeling is horrible and I feel as if everything in my entire life has gone wrong.
Growing up, I felt isolated from everything really. In school I felt like an "outcast" someone who was "different". All my life I NEVER felt normal. I wouldn't even want to answer simple questions in class and this may sound stupid but even saying my name is a huge struggle. I was always insecure about myself, I thought that people would label me “dumb, stupid, stutterer” etc. Even my own mum thought that I was stuttering for attention.She thought that it was something I was doing on purpose and something that I could suddenly just stop. I obviously wasn’t stuttering for attention and hearing her say that broke my heart.
I always wanted to end a conversation quickly or make up excuses like “Oh, I don’t know..sorry” etc. It got really hard for me when I moved schools, just being surrounded by new people. Some of my classmates would point out my flaws and that frightened me. People tease me for something I can’t even control and the feeling is just terrible. I was embarrassed about my speech and I always tried to hide the fact that I did stutter...I was attempting to me a 'covert' stutterer.
Sometimes I feel like a bird with broken wings, no matter how much I want to fly I can’t, it’s a constant struggle to get up when I’ve fallen down.
And then my parent’s divorced. I don’t live with my father anymore. Hearing them argue and fight almost all the time made me feel like crap absolute crap, especially when it was on my own birthday. And to top it all off I had bulimia.
I never thought I looks beautiful. I always thought I was 'fat', so I started to purge.
And that’s where Justin comes in. I felt like my whole life had gone downhill, I was just really unhappy with my life. I know it may sound stupid “Oh wow she just stutters so what?” But when you stutter you feel like nothing in your life is right. You over think and it makes the situation 100x worse. I’ve gone to a therapist for my speech disorder and nothing worked out.
Hearing Justin’s music made me feel better. After hearing his song “Down to Earth” I was left in tears, it’s crazy how a kid who doesn’t even know me can have such a huge impact on my life and I can’t thank him enough. His song “Never Say Never” made me realize that one day I’ll get through this and that one day everything will be okay.
Thank you Justin for making me smile even when I felt down. I can’t thank you enough and one day I hope I’ll be able to say this in front of your face.
When Justin tweets things like "Stay strong, I'm there with u", I always feel like bursting into tears. He makes me feel better when nobody else can.
“Stuttering can be a horrendous experience. It’s as if you are robbed of your voice and silenced forever. You feel as though you are alienated from others at social functions and feel completely alone. Even when you have something valuable to say or want to put forward your own opinion about a particular matter, this insidious disease prevents you from fully expressing yourself.”
Demi Lovato also makes me smile- She makes me love
who I am and because of her, I'm proud of who I am.
If you’re a stutterer and you’re reading this, please never give up. Soon you’ll be able to live a life of freedom wherever you go, don’t let a speech disorder hold you back.
God Bless and thanks for reading.
-Siebe ♥