" Unpack my bags.” Justin says as we enter his bedroom on the tour bus.

“Yes, Justin.” I sigh. I unpack his bags and mine while he lays on the bed and watches me. Once I finish I sit down next to him.

“I got you something.” He says getting up. He goes to his cardigan pocket and gets something. Comes back over to me and hands me a jewelry box.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Open it.” He says. I open the box and see a sapphire ring. Inside it’s engraved You’ll always be mine. Together forever- Love Justin.

“I love it. Thank you so much.” I say and put the ring on.

“It’s a promise ring. You have to promise that when we’re old enough you’ll marry me.” He says. I sigh and take the ring off and hand it to him. “What the hell are you doing?” He asks in anger.

“I don’t want to marry you. You beat me and rape me. You abuse me everyday, Justin. If I married you, you’d probably kill me.” I say.

His hand starts twitching which happens when he’s very angry. He puts the ring on my hand and says “You’re mine. I would never kill you. You deserve to be beaten and raped. You’re a bad girl.” It’s obvious he’s trying to keep calm but at the end his voice gets a little louder.

“Okay, Justin.” I say.

“I’m going to take a nap. Don’t bother me.” he says and lays down. I soon hear him snoring and I look around the room I hate so much. This is the room where, Justin did quite a few firsts to me. First dry hump, first getting felt up, and other things. This tour bus is my hell. Justin’s bedroom is soundproof so Justin can do whatever to me and nobody can hear me. It’s a really fucked up thing.

I remember the first time he took me in here as a couple:

I was sitting on his bed. He was finishing off his slice of chocolate cake leftover from his sixteenth birthday a few days ago.

“Come here.” Justin said. I crawled over to him and he put me on his lap. “Want some?” He asked. I nodded my head. “Open your mouth.” He whispered. I opened my mouth and he put the fork in my mouth. I ate the cake and he put the plate on his nightstand. “You’re so pretty.” He murmured and put his hand on my thigh and started to rub my inner thigh.

“Justin, no.” I said in my thirteen year old voice which is much higher than my voice now. I was to turn fourteen in two weeks not realizing I would lose my virginity in a few months.

“But doesn’t that feel good? Especially when I do this.” He whispered in my ear and started rubbing me between my thighs.

“Justin.” I hissed and tried crawling away. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. He let me go and I turned on the TV. He took the remote from me and turned the TV off.

“Hey I wanted to watch that.” I said pouting.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek. I looked at him and saw he was staring at my ass. I pulled my skirt to cover myself and he pouted. “Why hide what I want?” He asked.

“I’m a good girl and letting boys stare at my butt isn’t a good thing.” I said and shifted on his lap. Then I felt something poking me. I sat up for a moment and saw Justin’s erection. He smirked and put me back on his lap.

“See what you do to my body? You make me want you.” He whispered in my ear. I got off of him and sat beside him. He moved me on him and started grinding his hips into my groin, only my underwear and his jeans protecting me. After a few minutes we both came and he kissed me. “You can’t deny that you enjoyed that.” Justin whispered.

From that day on Justin has controlled my body.

I come back into present time to see Justin still napping. I get my pregnancy test and go to the bathroom. I take the test and wait a few minutes. I stare at the test until I see a negative sign. I sigh with relief and throw the test out of the window to see it land on the hat of some old guy. I wash my hands feeling a bad for the old man and walk back to the bedroom to see Justin snoring peacefully.

I walk into the living room area to find Ryan Good playing video games with Scooter as Patty makes dinner and Kenny helping by taste testing.

“Hello Amber.” Patty says when she notices me.

“Hi Patty. Hi Kenny.” I say and sit at the counter.

“Hey. Is Justin on the bus or did he sneak out again?” Kenny asks referring to the one time Justin let them see a little bit of how much of a menace he can be.

“He’s sleeping.” I say.

“Oh could you wake him up for me? If he sleeps now he’ll wake up at midnight and miss dinner then stay up all night and be cranky in the morning.” Patty says.

“Okay.” I say and walk back to the bedroom to see Justin curled up in a ball snoring louder than ever before. I walk over to him seeing him peaceful and relaxed wishing desperately that he could be like this when he’s awake.

I shake him lightly but he stays snoring. I shake him harder and he groans loudly. “Leave me alone.” He says gruffly.

“Wake up.” I say shaking him.

“Go away, Ambie.” He groaned.

“Food.” I say and his head shoots up.

“I’m up.” He says and rolls off the bed. He kisses me and walks out into the living room area. I sit in the booth and he slides in next to me trapping me. Pattie places a plate in front of me and we all start eating.

“When does the school year start, Amber?” Scooter asks eating his meatloaf.

“September 9th.” I say wishing that date could be here soon.

“Amber we have something to ask you.” Pattie says giving me a warm look.

“What is it?” I ask and take a sip of my peach juice.

“We want to know if you want to stay for the rest of the tour. We already talked to your parents about it. My tutor would be glad to teach you too.” Justin said with his mouth full.

“We’d love for you to stay with us. But it’s up to you. You’re family to us.” Scooter says with his mouth full too.

“So you’re staying?” Justin said but it wasn’t a question it was a statement. More of a demand, but they didn’t notice it.

“Yeah. I’ll stay.” I say feeling myself becoming suffocating with Justin. Why did he have to say he loves me too those few years ago? He could have just broke my heart and fount someone else to abuse, not that I wish this on anyone else.



A few hours later Justin, had me naked on my back while he kissed me. “You’ve been such a good girl today.” Justin whispered in my ear while groping my boobs. He isn’t completely naked like I am. He’s wearing his boxers and his t-shirt. He starts kissing me and nipping my neck. “You get a treat tonight.” He murmurs.

“What is it?” I ask curiously. He got off of me and went to his book bag. He dug deep into the messy bag and got out a sex toy. The realistic looking phallus was his favorite color, purple. “Do you want me to use it on you?” I asked in confusion.

“No stupid. Am I gay or bi?” He asked annoyed.

“No.” I said shaking my head looking down.

“Exactly. It’s for me to use on you.” I didn’t want that in me, but if I told him this he wouldn’t react so kindly.

He sanitized it then lubed it. He it put in me and pressed a button causing it to vibrate. He took the rest of his clothes off and moved me on my stomach. Oh God no. He might try to have anal. He did me there once by manipulation, bribery, and threats.

“No!” I yelled in fear.

“No what?” He asked confused. “Don’t you like the way it feels?” He asked.

“I do. That wasn’t what I saying no to.” I said as he rotated the base to make the vibrations higher.

“Then what are bitching about now?” He asked.

I can barely think straight with this thing in me. What did I want to refuse? Oh yeah anal sex. “I don’t want to do anal, ever again.” I said as I felt my body about to cum.

“We’re not. After you cried like a fucking baby the last time, and bled a little we’re not doing that again. But that doesn’t mean I can’t look at your ass.” He said.

I sighed with relief then I felt myself tighten and I came for this mechanical penis. Justin pulled it out of me and moved me on my back. He kissed me again and felt between my legs. I was ready for him.

“Did you take your birth control pill today?” He asks.

“Yes.” I said.

“Good.” He said and kissed me again before moving between my legs.

“Condom.” I said but he only rolled his eyes.

“You took your pill today. We’re okay.” He said but I pushed him away.

“Condom.” I said.

“Listen I’ll do the rhythm method if you want so much protection.” He said rolling his eyes.

I don’t know what the rhythm method is but before I could ask he moved into me gently. He made love to me carefully, and gently until I started to really enjoy it, then he moved faster doing it the way he enjoyed. I came for him then he pulled out and I felt him cum onto my stomach. I just learned what the rhythm method is.

He kisses me and nuzzles my neck. “Go take a shower and come right back.” He tells me. I get out of the bed and rush to the adjacent bathroom. I take a shower scrubbing myself clean then walk back to him. He holds me in his arms which is something he usually doesn’t do anymore. “If you were pregnant you would tell me right?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I say. Of course I would, he’d pay for the abortion.

“Are you pregnant? I saw a pregnancy test box sticking out of your suitcase a little. I promise I wont be mad if you tell me.” He says. That’s why he’s been nicer than usual. Justin, loves kids. He wants them when he’s older. I don’t know why but he does.

“I took the test. I’m not pregnant. But what if I was?” I ask. It could happen not that I would ever be happy about being the mother of his child.

“I would marry you, and take a break once you get like eight months pregnant and we’d have our baby.” He says.

“Are you serious? If I get knocked up I’m getting an abortion. I’m too young to have a kid. I’m the first person in my family to be born in America. My parents have too many expectations of me. I can’t ruin everything I have by becoming a teenage mother.” I say sitting up.

“You really are a bitch.” He says angrily. “If I ever find out you abort a child that came from me I’m going to get you in the worst way imaginable, and it isn’t murder. I want to keep you alive for the things that I would do.” He says and goes to sleep. Not very Christian of him to threaten me like that. He always threatens to do some horrible thing to me but the worst I get is a slap, unless he’s really pissed then I get my ass kicked. Justin may be violent but he isn’t demented. Well he is but he isn’t sick and twisted like he tries to be to scare me.

Or is he. The worst fight we ever had resulted with him forcing himself on me. That night was horrifying:

It was a rainy night several months ago. He had finished a show in Connecticut and since it was a three day weekend I got to go. I wish I didn’t though.

We had been arguing for hours about something totally irrelevant now, and he started to shove me. I shoved him back, and that only angered him. He pushed me against the wall and slapped me.

“You’re such a stupid bitch.” He said and headed for the bathroom. He was probably done for the evening.

“You’re such an bastard.” I said stupidly. He came for me. He ran so fast with his fist ready but I moved and he hit the wall. Justin, hates being called a bastard because it’s true. He is a bastard. His parents aren’t married, I think they never were he doesn’t like to talk about it. He’s a bastard child and that annoys him.

He slapped me hard and said “You should know better by now than to call me that.” he said angrily.

“What’s wrong. You’re a bastard child. A bastard out of Canada.” I said pushing the wrong button, especially since I had seen

Bastard out of Carolina that day and made him watch with me.

He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me close to him only to bash me against the wall causing my whole body to be sore. “Say you’re sorry.” He said.

“No!” I said sliding to the floor.

He took his jacket off and pulled me up by my hair. He threw me on the floor and kicked me. “Now say you’re sorry.” He said again anger filling him.

“Leave me alone.” I said crawling away from him.

He grabbed me and kicked me. He put me on the bed and sat on my waist. “I’m gonna have to hurt you really badly if you don’t say sorry.” He said. I should have said sorry but I didn’t.

“Fuck you.” I said and he pulled the hem of my shirt. “Stop it. I’m not having sex with you.” I said angrily.

“You don’t have a choice.” He said in a menacing voice. I looked into his eyes they were filled with anger and pain. He I knew he was going to rape me.

“I’m sorry, Justin. I love you.” I said trying to save myself.

“I love you too. But it’s too late to apologize.” He said. He successfully pulled off my shirt and was working on my jeans.

“No!” I screamed shoving his hands away but he’s always been stronger than me.

“You can scream all you want no one will hear. Remember it’s soundproof in here.” He said and unbuttoned my jeans. He shoved them down then my panties.

“Please don’t do this.” I begged crying.

“I warned you.” He said coldly and unhooked my bra as I fought him back. He turned around still on my waist but facing my feet. He took my Uggs off of me and shoved off my bottoms. He turned back away and unzipped his jeans. He pushed his jeans and boxers down to his ankles and bit his lip looking at my body. I tried to get away but he slapped me hard.

“Justin, I’m sorry.” I said sobbing.

“I told you, it’s too late.” He said and groped my boobs. He started kissing my neck and even though I tried to fight him back he just fought me back harder until I gave up. He smiled and kissed me once more before entering me. I screamed in pain but he didn’t care.

He finished after an hour and pulled out. He laid down next to me and went to bed.

The next day he brought me a bracelet and profusely apologized to me. He told me he did it because I had hurt him so badly he wanted some revenge and he didn’t think it through. I felt so guilty I forgave him. Of course that wasn’t the last time he did that to me. But I don’t think about all the times he’s done that to me. The first time was the worst because it was my fault. I remember how cold it was, the Goosebumps I had from the cold winter air on my skin. The way his dog tag banged on my two front teeth causing them to throb. The way I begged for him to stop but he only said ‘I warned you’ every time I begged. The smell of his cologne which I’ve asked him to stop wearing so he changed brands after that night, and how when he went to bed he mumbled how I deserved it.

“Amber wake up.” Justin said.

I opened my eyes to see the room dark. It’s still nighttime. What does he want?

“What is it?” I ask groggily.

“You were having a nightmare. You woke me up.” He says.

“Oh I’m sorry.” I say.

“What was it about?” He asks.

“You really want to know?” I ask.

“Duh.” He said.

“It was basically a flashback, from the first night you…raped me.” I said whispering the last part.

“Oh that night. I was a little aggressive that night.” he says and shrugs.

I shut my eyes hoping he’d just die but of course he wont. I pray for Justin to be nicer to me then I go to bed.



I walk around the tour bus bored out of my mind. Everyone left me to go practice there. I’ve talked to Miranda and Sarah who have no idea Justin abuses me. Miranda saw a bruise once on my stomach but I told her I fell.

“Amber.” Ryan Good says walking inside the tour bus.

“Hi.” I say.

“Justin, sent me here to keep you company since all of his outfits are picked out he wont need me for a few more hours.” Ryan says.

“You don’t need to baby sit me. Justin is just overprotective of me.” I say.

“Don’t worry it’ll be a lot more fun hanging out with you than having the guys put honey in my hair products.” He says.

“You’re the only guy other than Justin who obsesses over his hair like a maniac. I blame you for Justin’s problem.” I say.

“I might have been some influence but how he goes crazy over it is on his own volition.” Ryan says.

“Maybe. But you’re still far worse than him and I’m going to make sure he never reaches your level.” I say and sit down in the breakfast nook.

Ryan slides in across from me and says “How long have you two been together?”

“About two years almost three. But I’ve known him since we were little kids. We know everything about each other.” I say.

“That’s sweet. But what would you do if you two don’t spend the rest of your lives together?” Ryan asks.

Scream for joy.

“I’d be devastated.” I say I would but at least I’d be safe. I always fuck up around Justin. I always get him angry so I get punished.

“Listen we all really do care about you but Justin is going at a fast pace. We’re keeping you with him because we need you to keep him grounded. I know you two argue and he does stupid things that hurt your feelings but please if you really love him you’ll stay with him.” Ryan says.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I say. I can’t escape Justin, and he’ll never dump me. I don’t know why since I’m such a mess. Besides if I ever got to leave Justin would probably get some kind of addiction and die young like all of those other musicians they make movies about now.

“Good to here.” Ryan says.

We spend the rest of the day together playing video games and hanging out then he takes me to the arena where Justin is about to perform. “Hey Ryan, you brought my good luck charm.” Justin says. He kisses me and runs out on stage.



Justin holds me in his arms. He’s too exhausted from tonight’s performance to want sex. He just wants to hold me, and I have no problem with that.

“I love this tour bus.” Justin says.

“Because it was Kid Rock’s tour bus first?” I ask.

“Well that, and that this is where you first told me you love me.” He says.

“Oh yes.” The biggest mistake of my life.

“The best thing you could have ever done. You would have been such a mess if we were just friends. Because I’m your boyfriend I can put you in your place, keep you in line. I can make love to you. I can show you how much I love you.” He says and kisses me.

“Does showing me how much you love me involve punching and slapping me?” I ask.

“That’s how I keep you in line. I’m tired don’t make me angry. I’ll have to punish you in the morning if you don’t shut up.” He says softly. He holds me tighter and murmurs “Do you remember that night, Baby?”

“Yes, Justin. As if it happened a few hours before.” I say.

The night I told Justin I love him happened almost three years ago I had just turn thirteen and he was fifteen:

We were in this tour bus playing video games. ‘Eenie Meenie had just come out and we were each other’s best friends in the entire world. We still are our relationship has just wilted a little on the friend part.

“Justin I need to talk to you.” I said putting the game on pause.

“About what?” He asked flicking his hair.

“This isn’t easy for me to say but I love you.” I said.

“Of course you love me. We’re best friends.” He says.

“You don’t get it. I’m in love with you. Deeply in love.” I said shaking.

“You’re in love with me?” He whispered. “For how long?” He asked.

“A couple of years.” I said still shaking.

“Come here.” He said and moved me on his lap. I had done that before but it was always mostly on his legs never right on his groin. “Stop shaking, Ambie. I love you too. I’ve always loved you. I was just afraid of rejection. I love you so much. Now we can finally be a couple. I love you, Amber.” He said and gave me my first kiss. It was a sweet peck on the lips.

“I love you too, Justin.” I said. We made out that entire afternoon until Pattie fount us and we had to explain everything. She was happy about it and has supported the relationship since.

This bus has so many first for me I hate it. “Ambie, are you awake?” Justin asks. I keep my eyes shut. “Goodnight precious. I hope you remember our anniversary in a couple of weeks.” He whispers.

That’s why he’s been nice to me on this God forsaken bus! Our anniversary. At least I’m safe for a few more weeks.

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