Book - [I am still far from being an adult] extract Part 4:
Maybe I'm forcing myself to cry, I do not know how frustrating my situation was at time, so I tried my best to pretend there's nothing & don't cry over such things, I do not know why am I stubborn, pretending like nothing happen, but it wouldn't really become nothing, holding back myself from crying just like this, but the pain in my heart will not disappear automatically, will somehow break out crying someday, that is why it became like this.
If upon the thought of someone, you are always anxious, worried & nervous, what does it mean? At that time, whether I use my brain or use my heart, I am able to understand exactly. All of this is impossible if not because of loving the other party wholeheartedly.
Dying from being too tired, how many people would say that this situation is very interesting? However, even in such a situation, I still have to say 'very good'. Even if it's so difficult/tough, the things that I certainly wanted to get hold of, like to possess, wanted to achieve, at least the ones with a fatal charm for me, actually exists in this world.
Everyone will have a period like this, do not want to see anyone, do not want to pick up incoming phone calls, a period where you really do not want to do nothing, but that isn't a really easy task... In life there's often moments that make you feel very difficult/tough, where you really do not want to do anything, just want to enjoy/indulge in the heartache, enjoy/indulge in the sadness, enjoy/indulge in crying heartily, but moments like that is not allowed, those kind of days.
So, I do not know what is even more difficult. Is there really a way out, is there really a positive solution, is there really going to have a day where the red light stopping signal turning into yellow light? The us who do not even know those, that is why our lives are more difficult, I do not know what is more difficult than the complex maze and the unsolvable math problems.
Translated by yunmoon
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